#14 Pooping at a friend’s house
I hope your weekend was filled with a lot of fun and awkward moments. You might have done this one recently actually, it is quite common. Something involving the infamous “May I use your bathroom?” question.
When you are visiting your friends at their house, there are several things that you just do not do. Some of these involve hitting on your friend’s mom, change the channel on TV without asking, among other things. Going to the bathroom is perfectly natural and is definitely widely accepted in most homes in America.
But it doesn’t stop it from being awkward.
It becomes extra awkward if some of these are present. Add the following items on the list together and you’re guaranteed to have an awesome situation going:
1) The bathroom is right next to the communal areas such as the living room or den where everyone is hanging out.
2) Background noise is not present. The television is off, the radio is not playing music, and nobody is having a loud, outgoing conversation; the sound of your urine hitting the water in the toilet bowl will become clearly audible outside of the restroom.
3) You have to poop. Of course, taking longer than a minute in there is clear announcement that you had to do more serious business. Among the many factors that are involved in pooping, the odor might be of most concern, especially if you’re a woman (for further information, please visit this blog‘s post on New Age Poo Poo Philosophy For Women).
Oh but wait.. there’s more:
4) Someone will be using the bathroom right after you.
There are many other ways in which this could turn out worse, I mean someone could take the time to ask you if you’re “OK” in there. You could run out of toilet paper. There could be no air freshener, the toilet might clog. . heck it might not even flush. My best tip here is to try not to think about all of these possible (horrible) scenarios. What are the chances that they might happen anyway?
P.S. However, if these do happen to you, please submit your story to awkwardlist.com. No? Aw, come on! . . . Fine.
Omg today i was hang out with my friends and we got to the playground in front of our siblings elementary. So we were hanging around, playing on the equipment and I had this killer stabbing pain and I knew I had to poop cus I just finish my period so no way is this cramps. Anyway I thought it wasn’t that bad since after awhile the pain went away. Anyway I thought it was over until later the pain came back with a revenge I HAD to find a washroom and fast!!! I didn’t want to tell my friend I had to poop so I told them I’m about to explode and need to pee because we drank a lot of soda a while back. So my friend and I found a door open, and went into the school. We were looking for a washroom when some guy pop outta nowhere and asked us what we were doing. I thought we were going to jail for breaking and entering!! But I ask for a toilet and he let me use the staff toilet
so I pooped as fast as I could so my friend would think I wqs pooping or had slipped and died or something. I think she kinda figured cus I was pooping so loud it felt like the whole world from outside could hear it ;( but she didn’t say anything…. then I told her about how the toilet paper are the crappy ones that don’t spin when you pull and it took forever to get toilet paper to fill the silence as I washed my hands :S yup that was my experience 
ekkk maybe I should’ve told her 
idk it’s just too awkward…
The solution for number 4 is coming, if you activate the WC-Avoider Shield it’s up whoever wants to smell it (don’t think anyone will rush in =)
I was constipated and I didn’t want to tell my mom, so I told my really close friend. Like a day later she brought it up again, (asking if I was okay) and my mom apparently over heard. Later that day after my friend left, she asked me a bunch of questions about it,I lied for most of them so it didn’t sound as bad as it was. But, she brought me to the doctor anyways. They gave me medicine and I was cured by that night, but now my mom makes me tell her every time I go, and if I go more then a day, I have to sit until I do…. and she waits right outside the door so there’s no faking….
I was at the mall and my friend dared me to go to the bathroom and poop really loud. So I did, why not?! I went as loud as possible and took my time. I heard this girl ask her mom if I was in pain and why I was making those noises and her mom said, she’s probably just constipated. Thanks to my friend my friend added on that I “hadn’t gone in a month” and stuff….so awkward when I came out….
LOL!
I recently went on a school trip to Washington DC and there were 4 boys per room. One toilet! When I had to poop I waited till they were out of the room and said that I had to change. During that time I pooped. I worked!
Since I was like 9 I was always afraid of pooping around people. My sisters would always make fun of me because I would always stink up the bathroom. Now that i’m 12 (Boy) almost every time I poop my poop clogs the toilet. That is really embarrassing. From now on when I take a shower I turn on the water quickly go poop and then nobody can hear my poop falling into the toilet. I quickly wipe my butt and flush the toilet. The water covers up the noise.
I did this and someone walked in on me. DOOR WAS LOCKED !!! idk how he got in
one time I complained of a bad stomach ache so my older sister brought me to the doctor’s. it turned out I was constipated so I got laxatives. well, I took them right when I got home, and literally 2 minutes later I got a call from my friend inviting me to sleepover her house that night. of course I said yes. bad decision. at like 7:30 we decided to watch a movie. in about the middle of the movie I really had to poop. I just got up and said I had to get something in my bags upstairs. I told her to just keep watching and she did. I ran up the stairs and went in the bathroom. I serious’ll y took like 20 minutes!! when I opened to door…. brother was s t landing right in front of the door waiting!! worst part: he asked me if I was ok!!
unlike most people, I only poop at my bffs house. I like in a loft and she lives one floor up. pooping at my house is awkward cause I take like ten minutes and my older sis always makes an embarrassing comment when I come out! It’s never been a problem through, since I go up there everyday anyway….
i never had to do that if i did that would be embarasing
Hey people….
My little sister (11 years old) told me earlier she hasnt been able to poop in 3 days. Im worried about her but shes to embarrassed for anyone else to know. We cant get medicine for it without our mom finding out, and she eats fiber…. Maybe not enough though. Any advice??
Also:
She normally goes once a day
She only goes at home, which shouldnt be a problem sice were homeschooled.
More fiber~ my sis had the same problem before-but i convinced her to tell our mom and she got medicine fo her. 🌀
Lots of fiber
Have her stay away from bananas
Btw your so lucky your sis is so close to you:)
try letting her drink milk
I try to make it awkward-when i go i made more noise than nessasry! Once i did it at school and i could hear the person waiting out side my stall laughimg!!
Way awesome!
Thats awesome–i dont i only go at my house when no ones home!!
In your home? Whoa.
Hi
Hi
One time i was over at a friends house and i really had to go. After i was done the toilet wouldn’t flush. I panicked. Would i actually have to tell my friend my crap was stuck in the toilet? Thankfully i got it to flush. wwwwwwwoa that was a close one.
I clogged my friend’s toilet once. I was in 10th grade and had come home with her after school. I had been constipated for several days and it was really, really ready by the time I got to her house. I told her I needed to poo badly and she said to go ahead. Fortunately she had put the tv on, so I had privacy. I took forever in the bathroom, pushing and alternating between sitting and hovering to try to hurry things up; I just needed to get rid of it in the worst way. When I was done (whew! relief!), I knew it wasn’t going to flush, but I hoped it would. Of course, it didn’t. My friend said she could get it to flush. She came into the bathroom and commented that I really had been constipated (at the time, it probably was one of the longest, thickest turds I had ever done!). She put on disposable gloves and told me to flush after she broke it into smaller pieces. I still can’t believe she put her gloved hands into the toilet and touched my turd. A very awkward moment.
LMAO, we’ve all been there.
I hate doing that! A couple of months ago I was hanging out at a friend’s house. I really needed to go to the bathroom and guess what?! Item number 3. Of course I took a lot of time in there, but the best part of the story is that the toilet actually clogged. Once I saw the disaster I had made, panic grew inside of me and I started looking around the room for a stick or something of the kind. Who knows? Maybe I could find something. The worst thing that could happen was that I would actually have to go and tell my friend I had almost ruined her toilet! But I had luck, I looked inside the can and there was some kind of a stick in there, like a flower stem (God knows why). I took it and struggled to unclog the toilet and flushed it immediately and my bomb flew away with success! I finally went out but I wanted to die! I was lucky though, but I hope it never happens again. Haha, just wanted to share
Hope you enjoy!
Wow. Hahahahaha! Thanks for sharing that, seriously! Made my day!
Edwin
I like to carry on the conversation through the toilet door, that way your friends feel a little awkward too knowing what you are up to in the toilet, I feel it takes some of the awkwardness off me!
Nice! Haha. One time, my friend asked me what celebrity I found most attractive. After I told him “Jessica Alba” he was like “Ok now picture her taking a dump.” Oh no.. bad image.
Oh man, I can’t get over the fact that you take pictures of your poop and post them online. That is freakin’ interesting. Thanks for visiting!
Edwin
one awkward thing i can not stand is talking to someone and the person has something in their teeth. i will fucking stare at that the entire time. once i was talking to this person, and he had a booger sticking out a lil bit . the entire hour that booger was getting my full attention. and the dilemma is: are you gonna say something about it or just pretend is not there?
I am taking note of these ..
dude, i hate using a friend’s restroom especially if it is nastier than a public one. but if i have to i go, but pooping is off limits unless is an emergency. i go by the rule: touch as little as possible (I’ve seen nasty toilets in my life time). also you have to clean the toilet if there is poo residue left behind in the toilet (i hate touching someone’s toilet brush, i do not sit on their toilet seat… is just uncomfortable, stressful experience) you know what is more stressful (sorry if I gross you out) having to do some personal hygiene (change your tampon, maxi pad, mini pad, ipad
)). you can not throw that shit in their trash can, what if you clog the toilet…really problematic. another awkward moment i experienced: i was 13 and i walked in while my parents where doing the nasty ewwww just fucking grossssss. i was stuck w/ that shit on my retina for years, very hard to recover 
))
Dude! The residue! One of my roommates had an infamous “mudslide” effect.. his solution? “Direct your pee stream to it so it can wash away!”
Changing your ipad sounds like a hassle.. poor women out there.
Edwin
Edwin, so funny!
My son, always has to go before we leave somewhere and we’re running late. Come on…he’s already heard the phrase “You gotta pinch it off.” from my husband.
I did not think this would be a phrase uttered in our house hold until about the age of 10-maybe 12. Yet, we came to that road early at age of 6.
To further this, we as a family, always have to break in some new toilet wherever we are…one of us has to go once we spend 5 minutes in Home Depot or a friend’s house…it’s classic. We expect it now. We call it the Ormsby Break in…oh, we haven’t broke that place in yet! who’s gotta go?
Not that we want to, it’s just inevitable! When it happens frequently, you tend to get over the awkward part and move into acceptance. **sigh!** You learn to make fun of yourself!
Let’s get a hamburger. “I’ve gotta go potty!” Of course you do. That’s my answer now. Just assume.
Sandi
http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
The Ormsbys are going around marking their territory, eh? Nice!
That’s pretty funny hahaha
Edwin
First of all, great post, and very relatable. I cannot poop at a friend’s house. If we’re at a dinner part, I eat like a bird making sure to pass up any of the ‘dangerous” food.
If, the urge does strike, and I can’t quickly get out of the house to find the nearest gas station or something, I go through a quick “save to poop” procedure- 1) is there another bathroom I can use? 2)is the TP stocked? 3) is there air fresher (I carry perfume in my purse just for this very reason) 4) on a scale of 1-5, how bad is this poop going to be? Can I hold it? 5) Make my husband take the blame.
http://www.dontmakethatface.com
Oh I knew there was an explanation for the bathroom smelling awfully good after a woman went in there.. she used perfume!
Love option number 5.. hahaha.
Thanks, and thank you for visiting! I’ll be heading over to your blog soon
Edwin