#14 Pooping at a friend’s house
I hope your weekend was filled with a lot of fun and awkward moments. You might have done this one recently actually, it is quite common. Something involving the infamous “May I use your bathroom?” question.
When you are visiting your friends at their house, there are several things that you just do not do. Some of these involve hitting on your friend’s mom, change the channel on TV without asking, among other things. Going to the bathroom is perfectly natural and is definitely widely accepted in most homes in America.
But it doesn’t stop it from being awkward.
It becomes extra awkward if some of these are present. Add the following items on the list together and you’re guaranteed to have an awesome situation going:
1) The bathroom is right next to the communal areas such as the living room or den where everyone is hanging out.
2) Background noise is not present. The television is off, the radio is not playing music, and nobody is having a loud, outgoing conversation; the sound of your urine hitting the water in the toilet bowl will become clearly audible outside of the restroom.
3) You have to poop. Of course, taking longer than a minute in there is clear announcement that you had to do more serious business. Among the many factors that are involved in pooping, the odor might be of most concern, especially if you’re a woman (for further information, please visit this blog‘s post on New Age Poo Poo Philosophy For Women).
Oh but wait.. there’s more:
4) Someone will be using the bathroom right after you.
There are many other ways in which this could turn out worse, I mean someone could take the time to ask you if you’re “OK” in there. You could run out of toilet paper. There could be no air freshener, the toilet might clog. . heck it might not even flush. My best tip here is to try not to think about all of these possible (horrible) scenarios. What are the chances that they might happen anyway?
P.S. However, if these do happen to you, please submit your story to awkwardlist.com. No? Aw, come on! . . . Fine.