119. When a tiny piece of food flies out of your mouth while speaking
“Hey Bill, so yeah *tiny piece of the Dorito you’re currently chewing flies out* … uhh.. sorry about that.”
Have you ever been forced to ignore such a thing in the past? Like when you’re having a conversation… –No. I know how to make this even more awkward:
Suppose you’re ON A DATE,
and you’re currently bragging about your fantasy football league. Of course, you actually think your date is extremely interested, when suddenly a small piece of your french fry flies out and lands on the table. Here is usually how such a scenario goes in real life.. you ignore it. Yes, I know you do, just admit it.
If you’re on a date with me, however, things would go a bit different.
They’d be the same.
I’d ignore it. Or if I really like you I’d laugh about it before pretending it never happened. Well first dates are awkward in general anyway.. do you guys remember this post on it?
But going back to the whole food thing, do you think its a matter of manners? I mean people speak when they have food in their mouths all the time! Yet I was told to not speak with my mouth full when I was growing up. I see it in movies, TV shows,and besides, women do it (I always imagined a woman coming up with all the Manner Rules). Even though the sound of a muffled voice can be irritating for some, that should be the least of your worries.. you should focus on the possible missiles flying out of the person’s mouth especially if it is something grainy or dry, like cookies or ..rice. Haha.
Using the phone on the porch and saying something the neighbors overhear.
(I’ve faded out some parts to show you what you’d be hearing while eavesdropping)
“I’m telling you Angie, I’ve got a bad feeling. Promise me you’ll be careful.”
“No, ma, no dont you say that. The last time you had a bad feeling, my house burned down. You keep your bad feelings to yourself. I’m at the end of my rope as it is.”
“I’m just saying be careful is all.”
“Careful? Forget it. Maybe I’ll just buy a bag of crack and stay awake and on guard for the next week.”
(House burned down while I was sleeping)
*neighbors cough and slowly begin to back away toward their own front door*
Oh. Hell. I’m outside. And I just said….
Wait, I was kidding. I don’t even know where to buy crack. I’ve never ever in my life touched a drug –oh forget it. Guess they won’t be coming over for coffee anytime soon.
Yay for neighbors! Hahaha