The 5 People at Your Awkward Group Dinner
133. When you think the waiter is bringing your food, but it isn’t yours.
We all like restaurants. There is no cooking or cleaning involved, you get to give people orders and they take them with a smile, and you get to EAT!
When going out with a group to a restaurant, these characters are always involved. Which one are you?
1.) The really hungry one - “I’m am soo hungry!” is the typical line and identifier of this person. If you miss it, do not worry because this dude will probably repeat it enough times for everybody to hear. He also knows exactly what he wants and gets frustrated when nobody else knows what they’re getting (mainly because they haven’t received a menu). He will also keep his eye on the door to the kitchen and wants to be the first to spot his food coming to the table. Oh there it comes! He makes room, and pretends like he doesn’t notice the waiter and the tray. Then he waits. And waits. It went to another table. Ha! Patience is a virtue, my friend.
2.) The “I-don’t-know-what-to-order” one - Upon applying to a college, this person probably checked the “Undeclared” major as their option. She needs time to decide, 4 or 5 times more than the average person. She asks everybody at the table what they’re getting –not because she’s curious– because she wants to buy more time for herself. She asks for suggestions but gets nothing anybody suggests and when she finally orders, she makes a face that shows how much she hates what she ordered.
3.) The thrifty one - His decision is based on two things: How much it costs, and how much he’s getting. He can come off as a bit of a critic when you decide to go for the 22.95 New York Steak vs the much cheaper Meat Loaf for 9.97. If he doesn’t order a water with a side of lemon and some ketchup, he will stock up on the bread sticks. If there is Happy Hour menu, he is definitely happy. Want to have some fun? Invite him to a restaurant that doesn’t list prices on the menu.
4.) The dieting one - Low-carb, high-protein, and meatless entrees only please! After receiving a menu, her eyes automatically drift toward the salads and the “healthy choices” which taste a bit .. what’s the word … –BAD. You might have to bring your own seasonings if you’re one of these people. Sometimes it IS your fault though, the restaurant’s attempt to make things taste better are cancelled out by the whole “let me get it on the side” thing.
5.) The special-orders one - They like to mess with the chef’s ideas! How dare you … eh, I’m guilty of that, since I avoid dairy products like I avoid romantic novels, but some people (especially other cooks) like to tweak the orders. This guy will probably begin by asking “How is that prepared?” or “What kind of sauce do they use?” They ask for more of this and less of that, and half-and-half on this. The waitress should be able to ask “Um, do you want to go back there and cook it yourself?” actually never mind, he would probably accept the offer.
Paying at the restaurant makes things awkward at group dinners. Sometimes they all eat whatever and then the check gets split evenly… which means that someone gets ripped off, or you all make it impossible for the waiter and itemize everything. Some have cash, some have card, and some have neither.
Oh group dinners..