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Posts from the ‘Awkward’ Category

My dog makes it awkward at dog parks

So I took my dog to the dog park the other day.

My awkward dog

There he is taking over my bed and sleeping in it. His name is Jax, and he follows me absolutely everywhere. You’ve probably seen him on my Instagram page, back when he really needed a haircut. He’s friendly, and he likes to sleep.

He doesn’t get to hang out with other dogs very much because he doesn’t like to go outside unless he really needs to poop. And I mean really needs to poop. He runs outside, spins in circles about three times and lets the beat drop.

The thing about dog parks is that the dog owners feel like the dogs are their children and sometimes they get super protective of them. Then it gets awkward.

The dogs that enter and then drop a deuce are probably the funniest of them all. And then a chain of three dogs come by to inspect the poop and approve of it before the owner comes by and picks it up with a flimsy blue bag.

My dog might be a bully because he walks up to big dogs, or brown dogs, and starts barking uncontrollably. He also runs around in circles around it. It is really embarrassing.

My other dog, Peewee, enjoys humping other dogs and owners have walked up to him to pull him away. I just pretend he’s not mine. It doesn’t help that he’s deaf.. (oh, poor dog!)

Have you ever taken your dog to a dog park or a dog beach? Any awkward moments for me?

19 Ways To Make It Awkward

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair  Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “In.”

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Sexual Favors”

7. Finish All Your Sentences With “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”

8. Don’t Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party because You’re Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won! I Won!”

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling

“Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”

Smelling your clothes to check if they’re clean

Alright, so when I was a kid I remember my mom coming into my room and asking me why my clothes were all over the place, and why I didn’t use that basket thingy she got for the dirty clothes, and why I always needed batteries for my GameBoy, and to go outside and play, and.. well a bunch of other stuff, right? I guess its what mothers do. I could handle a lot of those questions, which I would just answer with a “just cuz, mom,” (yeah I was one of those kids), but one thing that made me use the dirty clothes’ basket thing, was that my mom would sort out what was clean and what wasn’t clean by sniffing it.

And MAN did it make me uncomfortable.

Dirty socks? *Sniff* yep, dirty.

Dirty shirt? *Sniff* hmm, smells okay.. *sniffs from the armpit area* nope. Dirty.

Dirty pants? *Sniff, from the crotch area* …

MOM! Please! Okay.

I guess that motivated me to also want to start doing my own laundry, to which every once in a while I still find myself tempted to sniff my armpit parts of the clothes to see if its dirty or not. Sometimes its just a check to see if I can wear it again without stinking up an elevator or scaring away my stranger bus seat partners. I mean, washing your clothes after a single wear seems like a waste of water, especially if all you did was put them on just to go to Safeway and take them off as soon as you come back home and put The Walking Dead back on Netflix and heat up your microwave pizza.

Maybe smell checking is normal.

*sniff*

What do you think?

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