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Posts tagged ‘entertainment’

#10 Running for the bus

Have you ever dropped a napkin while you’re eating at an outdoor table, like at a park, or at the patio section of a restaurant? One of the things about being outdoors, besides it being awesome, is that there is always light breezes that are pretty much unpredictable. Here is the scenario:

You drop the napkin. Depending on your personality, you will either attempt to pick it up immediately, or look at it and reach to get it with your shoe a couple of seconds after (sometimes even without looking). Supposing you are reaching for it, a light wind comes by and takes it a little further from you. At this point, you might stand up and reach for it again, but hesitate because another breeze can come by and take it farther, just as you reach for it. Of course, you can give the poor napkin an evil glare and then reach for it, it might keep it in place.

Running for the bus has the same effect. You see it there, “waiting for you”. But as you approach it the doors close. Will it still wait for you once it sees you?

I’ve seen plenty of people run for the bus, and just as they are one bus-length away from it, it leaves. Then they just end up feeling all awkward. We all saw you miss the bus. Some of us feel sorry for you while others might be laughing. We just don’t know what people will do in this world. Apparently we don’t know what buses or napkins will do either.

If you see the bus waiting there, decide if you want to go for it or not, and then do it! Soon after you miss the bus, just don’t make eye contact with anybody, and if someone choses to yell out the window “sucks for you, man!” which I’ve heard a million times, don’t flip them off, just laugh and be cool about it. Pretend like it happens to you all the time.


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#9 Farts

Even the word sounds awkward.


I was studying at the university library one day, and I was in a hurry because I was behind on my work, and I needed to go to the post office before it closed. I was at a table by a huge window, and couches next to me. On one of the couches, I could see a backpack leaning on it with a young man with his legs and arms crossed. He must’ve been napping. After some frustration, I took off my earphones and just stared at my paper for about a minute (it happens all the time) when my frustration got interrupted.

I heard a loud fart coming from the couch next to me. The guy tried to jump up and fell off the couch with a loud thump. Not only that, but he also spilled his water in the bottle and looked in my direction by using the couch as a shield and slowly creeping upwards to see the rest of us looking at him. He turned bright red. His own fart woke him up and scared him. How embarrassing.

The girl I was sharing the table with looked at me, and that’s what did it. I couldn’t help it. I tried really hard not to laugh, my attempts sounded like a mix between a cough and a sneeze combined with baby noises. Yeah, imagine that.

Of course, there are many different situations in which this could be more uncomfortable.


Imagine you’re in a car with only one passenger and then suddenly an unpleasant smell begins to surround the air inside the vehicle. Obviously, one of the two people in the car must have farted, but what is more interesting is that the person that didn’t fart knows he or she didn’t. And the person that farted knows he or she farted. You both know.


Or what if you decide to roll down the window a little in your car and suddenly a smell begins to penetrate your car. The other person might think that you had planned to air out the car after you farted. There’s no way of proving that you didn’t fart.

Of course, it is pretty hilarious to think about farts. Especially when they put you in uncomfortable situations, like when:

1) The old man waiting in front of you in line lets one rip.

2) When babies fart, and they find it funny.

3) When dogs fart.

People have been farting since the beginning of time, why haven’t we gotten used to it? I guess the thought of gas going from the colon to someone else’s lungs is a bit unpleasant to think about.


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#8 When your stomach growls

I’m not sure how many of you actually eat a good breakfast before heading to your office or an early morning class. I tried it for some time, and I guess I did see positive results. I felt more awake, I was able to focus more in class, but more importantly; my stomach didn’t growl.

Its possible that we might never find out why farts are funny, or why burping is considered rude, but now I would like to add the stomach growls to that list. Why is it so strange to hear a stomach growl in class, for example? It’s one of those things that happens and we ignore, sort of like when a person has a huge pimple on his or her nose; you notice it and both know it, but it is acceptable to just not bring it up.
I stopped eating breakfast early in the morning, which has led to my morning experiences being a little rougher. You can somewhat control any gas escapes, but you cannot control your stomach from growling no matter how hard you try! I have tried several things to try to make the situation less awkward, including (but not limited to) the following:
1) If it sounds like a cat I just try to ignore it. Its not worth messing acknowledging a sound like that. One time though, I laughed. It was a mistake.
2) If its a long one, well.. I’ve tried covering it up with some other noise. Like a forced sniffle, a cough, or an attempt to clear my throat.
3) If it sounds like a fart my recommendation is to put your hand over your stomach.

This tells the spectator “It was my stomach, do not panic.”

For some reason, water doesn’t do the trick of calming it down, and from my experience it has made it worse. It sounds more like a big pot of boiling water.
But hey, we can’t do much about it.
Some people have natural sound makers in our stomachs, and others just forget to eat and have a growling stomach all day. Some are lactose intolerant, others just have interior-farting mechanisms.
We’re all different. We’re all special little snowflakes, just like everyone else.
This blog is changing host (and other technical stuff)! That means the updates will no longer be showing up on your WordPress feed. If you’d like to keep in touch with me, please fill out the form on this page: Awkwardlist Email Form

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