Posts tagged ‘random’

Apr 17

Oh sorry, I was talking to myself

148. Getting caught talking to yourself

Do you like to talk to yourself?

I love it. I do it as often as I can.

A couple of friends have told me that they used to do it often as children, and that they were pressured to stop by their parents or teachers. I am also a friend of me, so I am counting myself in there.

There’s something about it that I take great comfort in. It’s almost like prayer, meditation, or talk therapy. I make up problems and solve them, I have discussions with people I’ve never met, and plan out conversations with someone I really want to talk to (all of which fail immediately in actuality after saying hi).

Everything goes smoothly until you get caught.

Isn’t that the way they say it goes? It happens like this:

“Uh, who are you talking to?”

or more direct:

“Are you, haha, talking.. to yourself..?”

At which point you turn around and say:

“How long have you been standing there?” - Trying to make it seem all casual.
“I was thinking out loud” - Hoping that they accept your reason and let it go. They do about half the time.
“Yeah, SUE ME!” - When you’re feeling defensive.
“Yes, sir!” - For when you’re feeling confident and YOLO-ish. You talk to yourself, so what?

I admire those people that get stared at because they talk to themselves out on the street. They may have something going on psychologically, but they still have a story to tell just like the rest of us. If you’ve been around me out in the street and see someone that just doesn’t give a crap about what people think about them, you’ve probably heard me say how much I like those people. If you want to wear a dress and sport a mustache that same day, go for it!

As long as your freedom doesn’t interfere with someone else’s freedom, we’re cool… right?

Have a good day, all!

Edwin

Apr 11

14 Comments

147. Discovering that your story sucks. When you’re halfway through it.

You’re out with a group of friends and suddenly one of them starts laughing over something that you told her a while ago.

“Tell them the story! C’mon, it was funny!” she says to you.

“No, it’s lame,” you say, hoping she actually stops insisting.

“Do it! Alright guys, so here’s what he told me.” she tells the group.

So she starts telling the story and you interrupt right away because she is messing it up. Alright, maybe it actually is funny, you say to yourself. Besides, she won’t let it go. So you start the story, but the group seems like they’re not following along. You can tell they’re expecting something grand! That sucks for them. Oh well, continuing with your story…

“So THEN, we realize that my friend had left the wallet in the back of her car!” you say, hoping that they will gasp or throw up from the excitement or something.

Nothing.

At least you’re not alone, your friend starts laughing and then you both realize that the rest of the group isn’t being entertained. So of course, one of you begins to explain why its funny, which really just makes the situation more awkward. Maybe you get one or two sympathy laughs, but it just not doing it.

Feeling really lame, you continue:

“So we called her up and guess who answers. Her boyfriend!”

“NO WAY” “Are you serious?!” “That sucks!” “What happened next?!”

You and your friend share a look, and then do the minimum amount of movement to make it seem like a nod in agreement. What you just said just saved you guys some serious time in awkward jail.

You see, in reality, it was her mom that answered and that guy picked up his wallet that same night. You just made up that part to escape. And then you finish of the story like a champ. Victory is yours!

Moral: If your story is dying, just start lying.

Have you ever been in a situation like that? Sometimes people choose the whole “being honest” thing and then when they see that no one else is laughing, they go with:

“You just had to be there!”
“I guess it’s more of an inside joke”
“You guys don’t get it?”
“Uh.. can I still be part of the group”
*door slam*

Which story of yours gets the best response?

Apr 8

7 Comments

So the other day, my cousin’s girlfriend’s dog’s sister’s boyfriend’s uncle…

146. Explaining who someone is through degrees of separation

Image from explosm.net

Have you ever been telling a story, but seem to find no other way to describe someone other than saying how they are associated to you? Here’s a real life example of someone explaining to me who this one guy “Jake” was:

Jake, you know that guy, I think you’ve seen him around. He is my sister’s dog’s friend’s–

Wait what? Your “dog’s” friend?

My SISTER’S dog’s friend’s–

Wait. Your “sister’s dog’s” friend?

Are you going to let me tell you? Yes! My sister’s dog, Diggy, has a doggy friend.. I forget his name. I think he brought him over so that he could do it with her. Yay puppies. Anyway, my sister’s dog’s friend’s owner’s wife’s son from her first marriage. Remember him?

Uh. After trying to follow for a little bit, I nodded and said no. Eventually I wrote it down and later found the receipt in my pocket so I figured I’d share it.

It can be pretty challenging to explain who someone is without telling one of those tales. You’re probably halfway through your explanation before you realize that you’ve probably confused the other person. The other person is probably carefully listening to you and trying to memorize what you just said in order to repeat it back to himself or herself in order to make sure he or she got the right message.

There has got to be a better way to do this.

Any ideas?