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Posts tagged ‘women’
Jan 22
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You’re pregnant? Congratulations…?
130. That awkward moment when a woman tells you she’s pregnant and you don’t know if you should say congratulations or not.
The younger generation might be falling apart.
Our songs mention tits and butts and jiggling and wiggling. They mention doing “it” in detail, and include rhythms that encourage movement of the crotch-eal area. There’s a billion other things that might disappoint older people, but whatever! It is our turn to cause some trouble around here.. and no, we won’t bring around mullets again.
A long time ago, whenever a woman announced a pregnancy, it was always followed by a “congratulations!” and lots of excitement. She would call everybody she knew and one could tell the excitement just by the voice. Life was good. And completely different than today.
Lisa: It was about time you picked up your phone, punk!
Ann: It’s 3am, what the *bleep* do you want *bleeep*? Just kidding *bleep* but seriously, whadup?
Lisa: I just found out I’m pregnant.
Ann: What the *bleep* *bleeeeeep* in the *bleeeeeeeeeeep*!? Are you *bleeeep* *bleepity bleep*?
Now imagine if I’m not as close to Lisa as Ann is in the previous example, and Lisa breaks the news to me as follows:
Lisa: So I found out I’m pregnant..
Edwin: Oh wow, congra– … *awkward pause*
I could try to read her facial expression, but she’s reading my reaction too. Sometimes the tone isn’t strong enough for one to be able to tell if the news are good or bad, making it extra awkward. If I don’t seem excited, and Lisa is.. then I just look like a jerk. And if I seem all happy and she’s angry/sad/concerned then I just make things worse. Just flip a coin, I guess. Oh, its tails. Here we go:
Edwin: –tulations! When did you find out?
Lisa: Congratulations? This isn’t good! My life is ruined. He’s gonna dump me and I’ll have to raise the child alone!
Edwin: Ahem. Well are you sure? I mean, are you sure you’re uhh..
And it just gets worse after that.
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127. Getting all dressed up and going nowhere
You do your nails inspired by an awesome Tumblr blog, you do your hair, and you decide to wear that one dress you were saving for when that guy from class gets the guts to invite you out to lunch after your chemistry lecture. Screw it, you’re going all out! Alright.. Maybe not “going all out” –actually, not even “going out”.
But who cares, you’re doing it for yourself. It’s a self-esteem booster after all, right? To feel good about yourself and no one else, to gain the inner conf –YEAH, RIGHT!
You dress up for other people. You’re sexy and you want people to know it. And ladies, there is nothing wrong with that.
How many times though, have you gotten all dressed up, gone to work, gotten back home and bumped into absolutely no one worth impressing? I guess its time to flood your friend’s feed on Instagram by making multiple 12-picture collages of yourself.
Sure, you can try to ask your friends to see if they’re up for a drink on a weekday. Or you can try again the following day. But its so much work to get all dressed up again, how does that one annoying skinny girl from work do it then? Blame it on pressure from the media for women to always want to look trendy, but you don’t have to! A lot of guys out there find the plain and simple girl quite attractive.. I’m not making this up to make anyone out there feel better or anything, but when a girl can barely walk in 5-inch heels and has to keep pulling down her skirt to keep herself from giving a free show, it only makes us guys want to offer you our hand. No, not to flirt with you –to keep you from falling on your butt.
It can be awkward when somebody compliments you, and its not because some people don’t know how to accept compliments (you know who you are), I mean this:
When someone compliments your shirt, he or she will always notice how often you wear it.
There’s no way around it.
[Inspired by @TheMalarie]
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In other news, I just joined Klout, and it says I’m influential about bacon! And yes, I’m proud of it.
Any one up for a little fun in the comments today?!
Replace ONE word in a BOOK TITLE with “BACON”
