Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

Here Are Some of the Most Awkward Situations

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When You Can’t Seem to Pronounce Something

Some may call it “tongue-tied” or “having a stroke” but either way, it is embarrassing. Have you ever been in conversation and then try to say something, but your brain and mouth just aren’t in sync? I’ve heard people say to me:

“Have a nice doy”

“What in the waorld?”

“That’s impassible” (when they meant ‘impossible’)

I’m sure there’s some word for it.

So when your in regular conversation, and you say something that just wasn’t pronounced right, what happens? One of a few things:

  • You get teased because obviously you can’t speak properly.
  • It gets ignored but in the “I’m choosing to ignore this” type of way. When you both are aware of what just happened but refuse to give any attention to it because you both know that things will get awkward.
  • The other person says “Excuse me?” and you’re left there pronouncing it correctly this time.
  • You get teased some more with the other person repeating what you just said over and over again, and calling her friends to let everyone know. All of a sudden you’re tagged in a Facebook post with no way out, until someone else embarrasses themselves and takes your place.

What makes it more awkward is when you’re with a group of people and you just can’t get yourself to pronounce something properly. Or when your professor in college does it, and acts like he never messed up in his pronunciation.

When Someone Genuinely Believes a Fake Article

There have been an unbelievable amount of fake news articles all over the internet, that people mainly fish out of Facebook, and since I’m usually a fact checker, every once in a while I get a message with the link asking, “do you think this is real?”

Usually, it isn’t. There have been images of an alien, a captured Bigfoot, an article on the many health benefits of weed and alcohol, and a guaranteed way to win the lottery.

Did you guys ever read the one about how, in Texas, they approved testing on criminals on death row? Supposedly they would actually be of some use to society by using their minds and bodies for research. They even named someone with a fancy title in that state and quoted him stating that it was true. And people commented, and were glad. Some were outraged.

I clicked on the source link, only to be directed to the exact same article, with a different source link. Eventually I discovered that it was originally created as a satire. Wow.

Do you guys even know how to internet?

Where to Look When Walking Past Someone

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I was talking to one of my friends recently about how maybe my city isn’t designed for pedestrians. The only areas with a lot of walkers are near the community college nearby, and maybe the area in front of the liquor store around the corner.

The sidewalks are almost 100% clear of gum that people spit out, just so you get an idea of what I’m talking about.

While Crossing the Street, Look Both Ways

Whenever you have to walk somewhere, cars don’t even watch out for people walking, so you’re constantly chasing the line of sight of a driver just to make sure that they say you. I know whenever I’m driving an there’s a person using the crosswalk super slowly, I do get kind of irritated. I accept it only if the person has a disability or its an old person. But if little Mike who is a sophomore in high school with a basketball tucked under his arm is barely moving just because he’s on his iPhone, C’MON!!!

But have you ever been crossing the street just to feel the stare of every car looking at you? You become self-conscious of the way you walk, you try to look straight ahead.. and then give in and put your hand in your pocket to look at your cell phone to “check the time” but really you just don’t remember what the heck you normally do with your hands anyway, so I guess that will do.

Making eye contact with someone who just took a huge bite of food

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So I was walking around town looking for something to eat, since I left my neatly-packed lunch in the fridge.

Since I wanted something quick and I didn’t want to look like a lost tourist with their phone out Yelp-ing stuff, I ended up walking into a coffee shop for a quick sandwich. A sandwich that costs $9.40.

For a sandwich.

But that’s beside the point. I sat down, checked the sandwich for even sauce distribution and took a huge bite. The bread was kind of hard, so it crunched and it hit the top of my mouth but I played it off okay. Suddenly, the attendant woman comes up and asks if everything is tasting okay.

Since I was already struggling with a big bite of food that was hard to chew, I couldn’t even nod!

Why do they always do that. Of course, many servers understand to avoid that and walk away telling you to let them know if you need anything, but some actually wait around because they think you’re trying to tell them something.

That something was “leave me alone, please!” but she wasn’t getting it.

Eventually she heard the little bell at the top of the door ring that another customer was coming in, so she left me alone.

Jeez.

Why They Check Your Receipt at Walmart

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They check your receipt at Walmart because they want to reduce the amount of theft at their store and, through research, they found that a customer knowing that receipts get checked is less likely to steal something.

Walmart has also tried having old people to say hello to you as you come in. They figured that maybe subconsciously you’ll feel like you’re stealing from a kind old lady if you are there to break the law.

I find it especially awkward when I don’t buy anything and they check your receipt at Walmart. I mean what the heck am I supposed to do?

Sometimes, when I’m walking by a store with automatic doors, and they open even though I’m not going inside, I feel like they’re welcoming me in and it would be rude not to go in. What? I know that’s weird. I’m just being honest with you guys.  That being said, I walk into many stores when I’m walking around the city. I seem to find the most random shops, and somehow manage to discover a new place every once in a while, just when I’m getting bored of seeing the same thing.

But see, I don’t enjoy spending money on impulse. If I see something I really like and MUST have, I still don’t buy it. It can be on sale, free with the purchase of a Coca Cola product, or come with a butler, but I’ll still hesitate because the guilt that comes afterward is unbearable. 

cartoon-bear-pictures

 

The other kind of bear.

So what I do instead is I walk in, I browse around, and hang out for a little while. I can see how it can be stressful to a liquor store owner, since I’m sometimes I walk around in a big jacket, beanie, and a pack.. so I look extra suspicious and they keep an eye on me the whole time I’m there.

What makes it even more awkward is when you begin to head to the door without buying anything, and for some reason can’t remember what you usually do with your hands when you’re walking. Hands in pocket? Too suspicious. Take out my cell phone? That’s an obvious sign of trying to avoid something. What are you avoiding, HUH?!

Do I just let them hang around like vines?! AHH!!!

Hands are weird.

So now you’re heading to the door which happens to have a security guard, a sign that shows that they usually get thieves around the store. He or she looks right at you, maybe not in a suspicious manner.

But even the friendly, “Have a nice day” can trigger a reaction.

“I’M INNOCENT!” you may scream, followed by the fight or flight response, which usually means you run out of the store with your hands up in the air.

The worst is when the store forces you to go through the cash registers in order to leave. You have to squeeze by, crotch to butt, with an 80-year old grandma counting pennies and picking out coupons. I’ve seriously considered purchasing something just to avoid the awkwardness.

Do you feel awkward leaving a store without buying anything?

Not texting someone back and then seeing them in person

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Who here has a habit of keeping their phone on silent mode, or at least telling the whole world that you do because you don’t reply to text messages right away? Do you guys know that little “Read” option that iMessage has?

Read Receipt iMessage
Read Receipt from iMessage

It literally tells the other person if you’ve read their message or not. I think it says a lot about a person when they have that notification on. However, I’ve found that this thing causes a lot more trouble when it is on because I read a message, I say “Uh huh,” to myself, and then I go back to Netflix and then… I get another message, or grunts (when I meet up with the friend), that I never reply to messages. I mean, HELLO! You got a notification that I read your freakin’ message already, that should be good enough, right?

No.

I’ve considered just replying with a message that says “I read this.” I mean, especially when all the message said was “Hey dude I’m eating a burrito that looks like my exes’ dog lol” What in the world am I supposed to reply to that?

Anyway, I’ve bumped into friends that ask me if I’ve changed my number just to poke at the idea that I didn’t reply to their messages. The truth is, sometimes I just don’t reply because I forget.

No really, I forget to reply because I read the message while I’m doing something like brushing my teeth or frying an egg, or out with friends. What happens is, I see the message.. and if it requires a reply: “Hey, I need your advice with something real quick, my girlfriend caught me checking out her mom.” (awkward), I’ll give an answer. If it is something like “hey wuts up” I just let it slide down the priority list while I finish the chapter of the book I’m reading. Next thing you know, it has been a week and I haven’t told that person “what is actually up” so I feel like a jerk.

Do you reply to your messages right away, every time?

Nooo.. seriously, guys. Do you?

6. When children are brutally honest with you in front of others

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If you’ve ever heard a child tell you,

“Are you having a baby too?” (while pointing at your stomach)

“Why is your face so hairy?”

“Do you have a lot of money?”, or even better:

“You look like a fly with those glasses.”

 

Yes, those glasses that cost you a paycheck and a half make you look like a fly. Hey, I didn’t say it!

From user jpctalbot, flickr.com

You know what I’m talking about. They indirectly tell you a truth by asking you a question. They ask you if you’re having a baby and making you realize that your belly is big. By asking why your face is hairy, they remind you that you haven’t shaved in a while, and by asking you if you have a lot of money, you realize that you’re not rich.

I was in my old room of my parent’s home, sitting on the futon reading a book. When my three-year old cousin comes into the room and says “Your room is messy”, when I had spent the whole previous evening tidying up. But hey, she told me what she saw. What I’ve noticed before though, is that these children are taught to keep their opinions to themselves at a very early age. I will tell you about a situation in which I was in when I volunteered at an elementary school not far from my high school.

I was partnered up with a high school girl that had experience in the elementary school deal, she knew the teachers and many many students. She had been volunteering for about two years. I can go on and on about her, and probably so could the child we were playing with. Except he’s a lot more bold. We were playing with the play-doh, and another child next to us was drawing Liz, the high school girl. As soon as the child finished, our play-doh kindergarten partner said:

“Annie, you forgot something. She has a lot of pimples!”

Dude.

Liz turned bright red. I didn’t know how to react, so I did what my instincts told me to do and I told on him. No, just kidding. I changed the topic immediately and pretended I had not heard anything.

Ever been in a situation like that?

5. When you push instead of pull (a door)

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This probably won’t be the last post about doors. These magnificent inventions have been around for a very long time and yet we cannot seem to fully understand them. We have awkward automatic doors [post coming up soon], we misunderstand what proper door etiquette really is, and the most popular human error: understanding the  push/pull signs.

These signs are usually posted on doors, but I can definitely see why people miss them. They are usually small, and the font usually is adjusted to fit in with the overall theme of the establishment (C’mon people, imagine the word “pull” spelled out in the font that is used on the Chinese food “kari out” boxes) and they seem to blend in with everything else. So what do we do? As we approach the door handle, we think to ourselves:

“Oh, what does that say? Oh wait, I don’t need to bother reading anything. I got what I want from this restaurant, I’m happy. I’m loving life. And why bother to double check if the red octagon sign reads “STOP” on the way home. I am too good for this.”

Pop. Rattle.

The door won’t open.

So what to do? You pulled on the door and it didn’t open. Now you would think you know what the obvious thing to do in this situation is, but no ladies and gentlemen. We look around nervously to see if anybody saw our mistake and then we pull again.

Ha ha. Stubborn door.

If you’re with someone else at the moment, they are the best reminder that the best option to get yourselves out of the restaurant alive, you must push instead. Of course, this other person has no idea of what you’re going through! You have better things to think about at the moment,

“Did anybody see me?” and sometimes we even consider that the door might be broken.

 

 

 

Why can’t we just have revolving doors everywhere?

 

 

Now let’s get serious.

There are probably real reasons why we are always pushing instead of pulling. I mean, pushing is a lot easier than pulling (unless you’re a tow truck), but what I believe is a better reason that accounts for this situation is that the words look too much alike. PUSH and PULL are both four-letter words, they both begin with P, their second letter is U and they take up the same amount of space on a sign. It’s almost as those freeway signs (those of us in Los Angeles, know what I’m talking about). The words NORTH and SOUTH look the same and it can be the cause of missing the on-ramp.

To finalize, here is a real tip for you to remember next time you are approaching a door handle. It has been proven over and over, with very few exceptions; so you should be good for about 90% of the time:

If the door handle is vertical, it means pull. If the door handle is horizontal (bar), it means push. (If anybody thinks of a clever way to remember this, please let me know)

Fine print: This tip does not apply to automatic doors, car doors, or revolving doors.

I was trying to find a picture to give you a visual of this, but I had no luck. I’ll snap a couple of pictures next time I’m out. While people awkwardly look at me.

4. Waiting for your dog to finish pooping

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If you don’t know what I’m talking about here, you probably don’t walk your dog. Or worse: you don’t have one.

It has come to my attention that I don’t really know how to react when my dog starts doing his pre-pooping routine, which involves a Look of Guilt and begins to go around in circles with his hind legs a little too close to his front ones. Here it comes.

He’s sniffing around.

He’s embarrassed.

Oh.

..Yeah!

I find myself just standing there. Motionless. What if someone is watching? I’d rather avoid the eye contact. I always carry around the little baggies and the scooper thing. Sometimes I don’t bring the scooper thing and I just use the bag as a glove and flip it inside out. (Yeah, I don’t like thinking about it either. Oh, its warm by the way.)

Oh what!? That picture says “Pet waste pollutes drinking water sources.” What about all of those people guilty of public urination? Wait, we drink.. huh? Where does the water from the drinking fountains come from?

Anyway, so your dog is pooping and you’re just standing there. You don’t want to look at your dog taking a crap, you don’t want to look around in other directions because then you look like a troublemaker, and you can’t just avoid it and pretend it isn’t happening.

It has always been an awkward situation.

3. Someone uses the bathroom stall next to yours

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Tell Me If This Has Happened To You

I was taking care of business one lonely Wednesday afternoon in a restroom with about five toilet stalls. (For those of you [women] that are not familiar with men’s restrooms, they have toilet stalls and urinals. Urinals are for peeing, toilets are for pooping.) Remember, it was a lonely afternoon, so I was had the whole restroom to myself! Yeah! Unfortunately, that didn’t last very long because then I heard someone opening the door. He walked in, talking to himself (it sounded like he was half-singing “Love Story” by Taylor Swift) and chose my neighbor stall. Did he know I was there? I tried to make it obvious by tapping the toilet paper holder thing, and even went as far as making a grunting noise to warn the intruder.

 

It didn’t matter to him. He sat down and dropped the bomb (we’re allowed to use that word in blogs right? I don’t want to get another surprise visit by the FBI). Eventually, I realized that he didn’t really mind sitting in the bathroom stall next to someone else’s, since, after an awkward silence of no action going on, he managed to say:

“Aye bro, nice shoes.”

Well.. they were pretty cool-looking new Vans. Thanks man!

Bathroom Stall Etiquette

You have probably heard about bathroom etiquette in the past. First, let’s make sure that we’re on the same page here; I’m talking about those things dealing with the urinals and how– alright, might as well explain it:

1) You may not under any circumstance use a urinal next to one that is currently being used.

2) If the only urinal available is in between two guys, you must wait a safe distance from the scene of the urinating. Every once in a while, a brave but ignorant soul will take the chance and take the empty urinal. Do not follow his lead.

3) While in the toilet stalls, do not speak on your cell phone and keep all body parts inside your specified business area.

4) Do not apologize for farting. Hey, it’s natural.

5) If you really messed up the human gas to oxygen level ratio in the restroom and it feels as though you’re suffocating, do not come out of the stall smiling about it. You have ruined the bathroom experience for many. What is so funny about that?

What To Do

Anyway, when we are pooping and someone comes and uses the our neighbor stall we feel it. The awkward. We can no longer be free to express ourselves until he or she leaves. So what do you do? Well you could hold it until the other person leaves, but that is time consuming. You could just not care and finish up, or you could rush your experience. You can do what ever you want. I mean it could get worse:

What if you are both be waiting for each other to finish. You two will never get out. Awkward. Worse-er –What if someone else decides to join and wait.

2. Making eye contact with a stranger

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It has been a long day at a grocery store, you are tired and you just want to get home. You reach for your keys, which take a long while to finally reach (and you begin wondering why it is so hard to put your hands in your pocket. Weight gain? NO!). You put everything away and reach for your car door, which happens to lightly tap the car next to yours.

Oops.

No big deal, right? Wrong! You casually looked inside just in case someone was inside, and yes. What is worse is that you’ve made eye contact with him. What to do now? Well sorry, I can’t help you there; I’m actually supposed to be writing about the awkwardness of making eye contact with a stranger.

You see, what makes this an awkward situation is the the eye contact. You could’ve just hit the car, and gone right inside and left. But no. You stayed and looked inside. Think about those other times when you accidentally make eye contact with someone you don’t know. Like in a restaurant.

You’re at your table, and across the room, you happen to make eye contact with someone else across the dining area. Alright, it happens. Now let’s say it happens again. You can almost feel it now. The awkward is creeping in.

It happens all the time. Do you ever fear walking toward someone while you’re on a sidewalk because of how uncomfortable it feels? It isn’t because of your clothes don’t match, or because you smell funny; it is because you won’t know what to do once you’re face to face with this other pedestrian. Do you look at her in the eye? Do you say “hi” without feeling like a creep? What to do, what to do. You can always refer to #1 and just hope you don’t get caught pretending to be on your cell phone..

Yeah! Just pretend to be on your cell phone.