Categories Awkward

63. Noticing that you're out of toilet paper

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…When it is too late.

La la la. . . going to the bathroom can be an enjoyable thing for certain people. They’ve come up with different names for that very important task. Heck, there is even a Toilet Paper Day (August 26th)! Anyway, it isn’t only known as “pooping” anymore, it is also known as many other things now. Taking a dump, dropping a bomb, releasing the brownies, dropping the kids off at the pool, unloading the truck. Plus some other ones that include stronger language.

However, one thing can definitely ruin that experience. After you sit down, begin to check your text messages and emails on your iPhone; and start playing Angry Birds and posting on your friend’s pictures on Facebook. . your eye might catch a glimpse of something horrible: A BROWN PAPER TUBE with a lonely sheet of toilet paper hanging from it that will definitely not get the job done. HA! And you considered yourself to be a risk taker. Good luck.

That moment; that instant when you see that your mind begins to think at a speed of 100,000 frames per second (I just made that up, so please no harsh criticism). A slow motion of this would look like this:

Oh no why didn’t I check? Can I tear up the tube and use that? Maybe there are spare rolls around here somewhere. Is it possible to clean with water? What if I just wash my hands afterwards? Receipts in my pocket! No that’s a bad idea. I’ll check the cabinet. Crap I can’t get up without making a mess. Dang it what did I eat!?

So what do you do in this situation? Uhh. . . well, you could always sacrifice a sock, I guess. Hey I don’t know. I thought my job was to just explain the moment!

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  1. Well if I’m at home, I yell for someone to bring me some. But if I’m in public and I notice there isn’t any in the stall, well I’m up S*** creek without a paddle so to speak. There are people who will ask for someone in the next stall to hand them some, but I just don’t have the guts to do that.

    1. “Uh excuse me sir, may I have some of your toilet paper? Just pass it under here. There we go. Awesome. Thanks”

      People actually do that? Hahaha that’s great!


  2. The feeling of helplessness is always multiplied when you next realize that you KNEW you ran out, but forgot to buy more. This happens more times than I’d care to admit. “Oh, I need more toilet paper.” Go to the store, and fail to buy any. Thus causing an extra shower and another walk to the supermarket.

  3. I am 12 years old and am a boy. One time I pooped at school. I pooped a lot! My butt was full of poop when I noticed I didn’t have any toilet paper! I had to quickly climb under the stall when nobody was in the restroom with my pants pulled down. Then I got tons of paper towels. Then I wiped my butt clean! I keep having to poop more and more. I think it is just puberty. I hope That will never happen to me again!

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