Categories Awkward

78. When it looks like you peed yourself

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When it comes to utilizing a restroom facility, some people take it very seriously.The skills required to accomplish the task of releasing urine or depositing feces into the toilet bowl are typically acquired at a young age. The male begins a journey early in life to perfect the ability to aim, which is rarely fully perfected by the time one reaches an adult age. Directing urine into the toilet bowl or urinal can be quite a difficult task. There are several things to consider including: a successful initial stream, steadiness, and splash control.

However, even if we become proficient at urinating, a person (male or female) cannot accurately foresee the pressure of a sink faucet when it comes to washing our hands, and can sometimes accidentally splash themselves around the crotch area. If wearing light-colored jeans, khaki pants, or any sort of fabric that easily darkens with moisture, it will look like they urinated on themselves. Upon first glance, a spectator would look down at your crotch area and exclaim something like the following (please imagine as a British, slow and formal accent):

“Excuse me, sir, I believe you have peed yourself.”

“Why thank you for noticing, Jeeves, but I shall tell you that no, I have not.”

“Very well then. Good day to you.”

“Good day.”

It is suggested that when in this situation, you attempt to dry the wet area as soon as possible. If you are good with technology, you may consider adjusting yourself to get the wet area in front of a hand dryer, given that you can tolerate heat in such sensitive areas. Of course, you may just explain to every person you encounter that day that you splashed yourself with water and that you did not urinate on your pants.

Or you may just acquire training on how to wash your hands without making a mess.

[Thanks Corey]

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  1. Awesome!! This happened to me recently. Before an interview – I was wearing a suit, grey trousers. I un-tucked my shirt to hide the ‘bad times’ on my crotch..

    interviewer commented on this of course. Kind of a no win situation. He asked if I ”normally dressed like this” – I just said, yeah, only when I’ve wet myself.

    Great blog!

    1. The water ON the sink can get you two ways, either by leaning in to wash hands OR the dreaded waiting for a stall and accidentally back into the wet sink area. I have taken to wearing dark pants only to amusement parks and movie theaters since these are likely places for the dreaded wet sink attack.

  2. For the love of embarrassment, is anything worse? Yes. Definitely had the melted chocolate on the pants scenario play out not too long ago. No, Jeeves. It isn’t poo. But I feel too fat to admit the truth 🙂

  3. Thanks for the cringe-inducing laugh. Unfortunately, I can’t recommend the hand-dryer solution: The only thing worse than trying to explain a large wet spot on your pants is trying to explain why you’re holding your pants open while aiming hot air at your nether-regions. (Not that I’d know, of course …)

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