Spider webs. I know, I know. . . many people are afraid of spiders, some more than others. But before you start screaming and attempting to destroy your computer, know that there are no pictures of spiders in this post.

After having dinner with a friend last night, I was asked for a favor: to debug her apartment. I had forgotten how afraid of bugs she was. You see, she doesn’t mind working with urine or blood samples and even gets excited over things like autopsies, so one day I came to visit her with a weird insect I had found (it looked like a cross between a tiny black ant and something else) because I figured nothing could gross her out, but I was wrong —very wrong.

Back to last night’s story: there happened to be old, dusty spider webs hidden in the corner of her window, and a lot of them outside that I was trying to reach with a broom, but eventually I realized it would be easier to reach with my hands. That’s when I remembered what a spider’s web feels like, which then reminded me of the following:

When I lived in the college dormitories, there was a path behind the buildings that would lead to the cafeteria and during the summer, spiders would make their homes right there. I’m talking about huge webs that would stretch from a light post to a tree trunk, and would take up the entire path (what were these things trying to catch? People?) I was aware of the spider webs because one morning I was able to see tiny droplets of water on a spiderweb that made it extremely noticeable along with the web’s creator waiting right in the middle of it. Some people, however, would not be able to notice the spiderweb; which was good AND bad because it created pretty hilarious scenarios in my mind, but that would mean that the spider would have to start all over. And also bad because of possible bites. Which might be poisonous. Which might lead to —O.K.! Alright! Let us say that no spider was present in my mind scenario.

But seriously, haven’t you ever walked into a spider web and felt those long strings of spider silk in your hair? Or even better, have you ever seen that happen to someone else?

You could be walking around somewhere with a group of friends and suddenly one of your friends begins to wave his arms around like crazy at some invisible force and no matter what he does, he cannot free himself. Is he possessed? No, it’s just a spider web. That’s the thing about spider webs, they are invisible and feel extremely sticky and stretch so much that attempting to get rid of it makes you look like a mad person. Some people feel the need to make a scene and start yelling and running around in circles. Other people take it too far and start panicking and might even attempt the old-school Stop, Drop and Roll, but that’s in case of your clothes being on fire! . . Wait, would fire get rid of it? No, don’t try it.

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More awkward:

• The Sidewalk Dance
• The Awkwardness of Middle School
• Naked old people in the locker room

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