You're pregnant? Congratulations…?

130. That awkward moment when a woman tells you she’s pregnant and you don’t know if you should say congratulations or not.

The younger generation might be falling apart.

Our songs mention tits and butts and jiggling and wiggling. They mention doing “it” in detail, and include rhythms that encourage movement of the crotch-eal area. There’s a billion other things that might disappoint older people, but whatever! It is our turn to cause some trouble around here.. and no, we won’t bring around mullets again.

A long time ago, whenever a woman announced a pregnancy, it was always followed by a “congratulations!” and lots of excitement. She would call everybody she knew and one could tell the excitement just by the voice. Life was good. And completely different than today.

Lisa: It was about time you picked up your phone, punk!
Ann: It’s 3am, what the *bleep* do you want *bleeep*? Just kidding *bleep* but seriously, whadup?
Lisa: I just found out I’m pregnant.
Ann: What the *bleep* *bleeeeeep* in the *bleeeeeeeeeeep*!? Are you *bleeeep* *bleepity bleep*?

Now imagine if I’m not as close to Lisa as Ann is in the previous example, and Lisa breaks the news to me as follows:

Lisa: So I found out I’m pregnant..
Edwin: Oh wow, congra– … *awkward pause*

I could try to read her facial expression, but she’s reading my reaction too. Sometimes the tone isn’t strong enough for one to be able to tell if the news are good or bad, making it extra awkward. If I don’t seem excited, and Lisa is.. then I just look like a jerk. And if I seem all happy and she’s angry/sad/concerned then I just make things worse. Just flip a coin, I guess. Oh, its tails. Here we go:

Edwin: –tulations! When did you find out?
Lisa: Congratulations? This isn’t good! My life is ruined. He’s gonna dump me and I’ll have to raise the child alone!
Edwin: Ahem. Well are you sure? I mean, are you sure you’re uhh..

And it just gets worse after that.


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