Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

awkward

Why They Check Your Receipt at Walmart

by Leave a Comment

They check your receipt at Walmart because they want to reduce the amount of theft at their store and, through research, they found that a customer knowing that receipts get checked is less likely to steal something.

Walmart has also tried having old people to say hello to you as you come in. They figured that maybe subconsciously you’ll feel like you’re stealing from a kind old lady if you are there to break the law.

I find it especially awkward when I don’t buy anything and they check your receipt at Walmart. I mean what the heck am I supposed to do?

Sometimes, when I’m walking by a store with automatic doors, and they open even though I’m not going inside, I feel like they’re welcoming me in and it would be rude not to go in. What? I know that’s weird. I’m just being honest with you guys.  That being said, I walk into many stores when I’m walking around the city. I seem to find the most random shops, and somehow manage to discover a new place every once in a while, just when I’m getting bored of seeing the same thing.

But see, I don’t enjoy spending money on impulse. If I see something I really like and MUST have, I still don’t buy it. It can be on sale, free with the purchase of a Coca Cola product, or come with a butler, but I’ll still hesitate because the guilt that comes afterward is unbearable. 

cartoon-bear-pictures

 

The other kind of bear.

So what I do instead is I walk in, I browse around, and hang out for a little while. I can see how it can be stressful to a liquor store owner, since I’m sometimes I walk around in a big jacket, beanie, and a pack.. so I look extra suspicious and they keep an eye on me the whole time I’m there.

What makes it even more awkward is when you begin to head to the door without buying anything, and for some reason can’t remember what you usually do with your hands when you’re walking. Hands in pocket? Too suspicious. Take out my cell phone? That’s an obvious sign of trying to avoid something. What are you avoiding, HUH?!

Do I just let them hang around like vines?! AHH!!!

Hands are weird.

So now you’re heading to the door which happens to have a security guard, a sign that shows that they usually get thieves around the store. He or she looks right at you, maybe not in a suspicious manner.

But even the friendly, “Have a nice day” can trigger a reaction.

“I’M INNOCENT!” you may scream, followed by the fight or flight response, which usually means you run out of the store with your hands up in the air.

The worst is when the store forces you to go through the cash registers in order to leave. You have to squeeze by, crotch to butt, with an 80-year old grandma counting pennies and picking out coupons. I’ve seriously considered purchasing something just to avoid the awkwardness.

Do you feel awkward leaving a store without buying anything?

Not texting someone back and then seeing them in person

by 3 Comments

Who here has a habit of keeping their phone on silent mode, or at least telling the whole world that you do because you don’t reply to text messages right away? Do you guys know that little “Read” option that iMessage has?

Read Receipt iMessage
Read Receipt from iMessage

It literally tells the other person if you’ve read their message or not. I think it says a lot about a person when they have that notification on. However, I’ve found that this thing causes a lot more trouble when it is on because I read a message, I say “Uh huh,” to myself, and then I go back to Netflix and then… I get another message, or grunts (when I meet up with the friend), that I never reply to messages. I mean, HELLO! You got a notification that I read your freakin’ message already, that should be good enough, right?

No.

I’ve considered just replying with a message that says “I read this.” I mean, especially when all the message said was “Hey dude I’m eating a burrito that looks like my exes’ dog lol” What in the world am I supposed to reply to that?

Anyway, I’ve bumped into friends that ask me if I’ve changed my number just to poke at the idea that I didn’t reply to their messages. The truth is, sometimes I just don’t reply because I forget.

No really, I forget to reply because I read the message while I’m doing something like brushing my teeth or frying an egg, or out with friends. What happens is, I see the message.. and if it requires a reply: “Hey, I need your advice with something real quick, my girlfriend caught me checking out her mom.” (awkward), I’ll give an answer. If it is something like “hey wuts up” I just let it slide down the priority list while I finish the chapter of the book I’m reading. Next thing you know, it has been a week and I haven’t told that person “what is actually up” so I feel like a jerk.

Do you reply to your messages right away, every time?

Nooo.. seriously, guys. Do you?

6. When children are brutally honest with you in front of others

by 3 Comments

If you’ve ever heard a child tell you,

“Are you having a baby too?” (while pointing at your stomach)

“Why is your face so hairy?”

“Do you have a lot of money?”, or even better:

“You look like a fly with those glasses.”

 

Yes, those glasses that cost you a paycheck and a half make you look like a fly. Hey, I didn’t say it!

From user jpctalbot, flickr.com

You know what I’m talking about. They indirectly tell you a truth by asking you a question. They ask you if you’re having a baby and making you realize that your belly is big. By asking why your face is hairy, they remind you that you haven’t shaved in a while, and by asking you if you have a lot of money, you realize that you’re not rich.

I was in my old room of my parent’s home, sitting on the futon reading a book. When my three-year old cousin comes into the room and says “Your room is messy”, when I had spent the whole previous evening tidying up. But hey, she told me what she saw. What I’ve noticed before though, is that these children are taught to keep their opinions to themselves at a very early age. I will tell you about a situation in which I was in when I volunteered at an elementary school not far from my high school.

I was partnered up with a high school girl that had experience in the elementary school deal, she knew the teachers and many many students. She had been volunteering for about two years. I can go on and on about her, and probably so could the child we were playing with. Except he’s a lot more bold. We were playing with the play-doh, and another child next to us was drawing Liz, the high school girl. As soon as the child finished, our play-doh kindergarten partner said:

“Annie, you forgot something. She has a lot of pimples!”

Dude.

Liz turned bright red. I didn’t know how to react, so I did what my instincts told me to do and I told on him. No, just kidding. I changed the topic immediately and pretended I had not heard anything.

Ever been in a situation like that?

5. When you push instead of pull (a door)

by 5 Comments

This probably won’t be the last post about doors. These magnificent inventions have been around for a very long time and yet we cannot seem to fully understand them. We have awkward automatic doors [post coming up soon], we misunderstand what proper door etiquette really is, and the most popular human error: understanding the  push/pull signs.

These signs are usually posted on doors, but I can definitely see why people miss them. They are usually small, and the font usually is adjusted to fit in with the overall theme of the establishment (C’mon people, imagine the word “pull” spelled out in the font that is used on the Chinese food “kari out” boxes) and they seem to blend in with everything else. So what do we do? As we approach the door handle, we think to ourselves:

“Oh, what does that say? Oh wait, I don’t need to bother reading anything. I got what I want from this restaurant, I’m happy. I’m loving life. And why bother to double check if the red octagon sign reads “STOP” on the way home. I am too good for this.”

Pop. Rattle.

The door won’t open.

So what to do? You pulled on the door and it didn’t open. Now you would think you know what the obvious thing to do in this situation is, but no ladies and gentlemen. We look around nervously to see if anybody saw our mistake and then we pull again.

Ha ha. Stubborn door.

If you’re with someone else at the moment, they are the best reminder that the best option to get yourselves out of the restaurant alive, you must push instead. Of course, this other person has no idea of what you’re going through! You have better things to think about at the moment,

“Did anybody see me?” and sometimes we even consider that the door might be broken.

 

 

 

Why can’t we just have revolving doors everywhere?

 

 

Now let’s get serious.

There are probably real reasons why we are always pushing instead of pulling. I mean, pushing is a lot easier than pulling (unless you’re a tow truck), but what I believe is a better reason that accounts for this situation is that the words look too much alike. PUSH and PULL are both four-letter words, they both begin with P, their second letter is U and they take up the same amount of space on a sign. It’s almost as those freeway signs (those of us in Los Angeles, know what I’m talking about). The words NORTH and SOUTH look the same and it can be the cause of missing the on-ramp.

To finalize, here is a real tip for you to remember next time you are approaching a door handle. It has been proven over and over, with very few exceptions; so you should be good for about 90% of the time:

If the door handle is vertical, it means pull. If the door handle is horizontal (bar), it means push. (If anybody thinks of a clever way to remember this, please let me know)

Fine print: This tip does not apply to automatic doors, car doors, or revolving doors.

I was trying to find a picture to give you a visual of this, but I had no luck. I’ll snap a couple of pictures next time I’m out. While people awkwardly look at me.

4. Waiting for your dog to finish pooping

by 2 Comments

If you don’t know what I’m talking about here, you probably don’t walk your dog. Or worse: you don’t have one.

It has come to my attention that I don’t really know how to react when my dog starts doing his pre-pooping routine, which involves a Look of Guilt and begins to go around in circles with his hind legs a little too close to his front ones. Here it comes.

He’s sniffing around.

He’s embarrassed.

Oh.

..Yeah!

I find myself just standing there. Motionless. What if someone is watching? I’d rather avoid the eye contact. I always carry around the little baggies and the scooper thing. Sometimes I don’t bring the scooper thing and I just use the bag as a glove and flip it inside out. (Yeah, I don’t like thinking about it either. Oh, its warm by the way.)

Oh what!? That picture says “Pet waste pollutes drinking water sources.” What about all of those people guilty of public urination? Wait, we drink.. huh? Where does the water from the drinking fountains come from?

Anyway, so your dog is pooping and you’re just standing there. You don’t want to look at your dog taking a crap, you don’t want to look around in other directions because then you look like a troublemaker, and you can’t just avoid it and pretend it isn’t happening.

It has always been an awkward situation.

3. Someone uses the bathroom stall next to yours

by 9 Comments

Tell Me If This Has Happened To You

I was taking care of business one lonely Wednesday afternoon in a restroom with about five toilet stalls. (For those of you [women] that are not familiar with men’s restrooms, they have toilet stalls and urinals. Urinals are for peeing, toilets are for pooping.) Remember, it was a lonely afternoon, so I was had the whole restroom to myself! Yeah! Unfortunately, that didn’t last very long because then I heard someone opening the door. He walked in, talking to himself (it sounded like he was half-singing “Love Story” by Taylor Swift) and chose my neighbor stall. Did he know I was there? I tried to make it obvious by tapping the toilet paper holder thing, and even went as far as making a grunting noise to warn the intruder.

 

It didn’t matter to him. He sat down and dropped the bomb (we’re allowed to use that word in blogs right? I don’t want to get another surprise visit by the FBI). Eventually, I realized that he didn’t really mind sitting in the bathroom stall next to someone else’s, since, after an awkward silence of no action going on, he managed to say:

“Aye bro, nice shoes.”

Well.. they were pretty cool-looking new Vans. Thanks man!

Bathroom Stall Etiquette

You have probably heard about bathroom etiquette in the past. First, let’s make sure that we’re on the same page here; I’m talking about those things dealing with the urinals and how– alright, might as well explain it:

1) You may not under any circumstance use a urinal next to one that is currently being used.

2) If the only urinal available is in between two guys, you must wait a safe distance from the scene of the urinating. Every once in a while, a brave but ignorant soul will take the chance and take the empty urinal. Do not follow his lead.

3) While in the toilet stalls, do not speak on your cell phone and keep all body parts inside your specified business area.

4) Do not apologize for farting. Hey, it’s natural.

5) If you really messed up the human gas to oxygen level ratio in the restroom and it feels as though you’re suffocating, do not come out of the stall smiling about it. You have ruined the bathroom experience for many. What is so funny about that?

What To Do

Anyway, when we are pooping and someone comes and uses the our neighbor stall we feel it. The awkward. We can no longer be free to express ourselves until he or she leaves. So what do you do? Well you could hold it until the other person leaves, but that is time consuming. You could just not care and finish up, or you could rush your experience. You can do what ever you want. I mean it could get worse:

What if you are both be waiting for each other to finish. You two will never get out. Awkward. Worse-er –What if someone else decides to join and wait.

2. Making eye contact with a stranger

by 6 Comments

It has been a long day at a grocery store, you are tired and you just want to get home. You reach for your keys, which take a long while to finally reach (and you begin wondering why it is so hard to put your hands in your pocket. Weight gain? NO!). You put everything away and reach for your car door, which happens to lightly tap the car next to yours.

Oops.

No big deal, right? Wrong! You casually looked inside just in case someone was inside, and yes. What is worse is that you’ve made eye contact with him. What to do now? Well sorry, I can’t help you there; I’m actually supposed to be writing about the awkwardness of making eye contact with a stranger.

You see, what makes this an awkward situation is the the eye contact. You could’ve just hit the car, and gone right inside and left. But no. You stayed and looked inside. Think about those other times when you accidentally make eye contact with someone you don’t know. Like in a restaurant.

You’re at your table, and across the room, you happen to make eye contact with someone else across the dining area. Alright, it happens. Now let’s say it happens again. You can almost feel it now. The awkward is creeping in.

It happens all the time. Do you ever fear walking toward someone while you’re on a sidewalk because of how uncomfortable it feels? It isn’t because of your clothes don’t match, or because you smell funny; it is because you won’t know what to do once you’re face to face with this other pedestrian. Do you look at her in the eye? Do you say “hi” without feeling like a creep? What to do, what to do. You can always refer to #1 and just hope you don’t get caught pretending to be on your cell phone..

Yeah! Just pretend to be on your cell phone.

Awkward Family Holiday Parties

by Leave a Comment

Did any of you guys go to your in-law’s home for the holidays? Was it awkward? It’s weird, for a while now I have been getting invited to spend christmas in other people’s homes. This past Thanksgiving was spent eating bad Ecuadorian instant noodles and watching Netflix.

So I guess not that different than normal.

You know how when you enter someone’s home, their house has a very distinct smell to it…. but you can never identify your own house’s scent? Well in the same manner, family parties are a whole other beast to an outsider.

For one, you have several different types of relatives.

The Grandma, Version 1

The person that stays quiet most of the time, only to speak up to scold somebody. They like to help out around the kitchen, they keep to themselves, and falls asleep on the couch with everyone else around the living room.

The Grandma, Version 2

The kindest most awesomest person in the room that you just want to hug and have them make everything better. They smile, they’re the only ones who try to get to know you, and happens to always have a little kid on her lap.

The Rude Uncle or Brother-in-Law

The one who makes inappropriate comments about the way you’re eating sausage, or tells you that your mouth can open very wide to bite that turkey leg. They laugh at just about anything, but mostly their own jokes.

The Distant Relative

This is that chubby woman who comes up to you to say how much weight you’ve gained, and grabs your cheeks. You remember her from where you were a little kid and always wanted hated that “come say hi” thing your mom always says.

The Drunk Cousin

Yeah, we all know who we’re talking about.

Haha!

Well, things don’t actually have to be that awkward for everyone. There’s lots of things that certain families do that would seem weird to the rest of the world. At my house, sometimes we don’t all sit down to eat together but rather pick at the pots and pans whenever, even if not everything is ready yet.

And then sometimes we go to my aunt’s house and eat again afterward.

I went to a friend’s house once where his family served tacos for Thanksgiving and they were delicious.

What is one thing that your family does that is just plain weird to other people? Type it up, and submit your comment below!

Being around that one person who always seems to have body odor

by 2 Comments

This post is not meant to be mean.

But seriously.

A few years ago, I was riding in the backseat of a car looking outside at the trees and the way that the sunlight looked through the moving trees. It was a nice moment… when suddenly it starts smelling like armpit.

The person who was sitting in front of me had rolled down her window and decided to enjoy the day by making fish motions with her hand along with the wind outside of her window. Do you guys know what I’m talking about? Like you pretend that your hand is a fish or a plane and you let the wind lift and drop your hand or move it side to side to feel the stream of air around your skin?

If you don’t get it, too bad!

So the air was flowing up her arm, to her armpit, and shooting straight back to where I was sitting.. filling up the backseat with stinky smells.

I didn’t know what to say, I knew this person very well and had known her for a long time so being all like, “hey yo.. so like, deodorant.. yeah” would be just plain weird considering that she had smelled that way since I’ve known her but had kinda gotten used to it.

See, some people just don’t use deodorant and they are so used to the smell of armpits that they think its weird that you’re bringing it up.

And you’d think they would notice that they smell bad and do something about it. I mean I’ve gone as far as pretending like its me, smelling my own armpits, and saying

“Nope, not me.”

But it doesn’t work.

Jeez. How do I let them know? Or should I just let them be?

Do you know anyone like that? If you do, just casually link them up to this post 🙂

 

Thank you so much for reading! To catch up on more awkward moments, please click to follow this blog on WordPress, or give me a shoutout on Twitter.