Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

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158. When no more plates fit on your table at a restaurant

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Have you ever considered asking the table next to yours if they’re going to use all of the space on the table? No?

Oh.

When I go eat with my parents, its usually for breakfast at a Mexican diner type of thing. My mom enjoys trying different types of food, so she makes sure that we all pick a different type of food, so we can all try each other’s food. I’m used to it by now, people eating out of my plate, and my dog has tried to take advantage of that several times.
But aside from everything coming in enormous portions, they also come with side plates. A plate for your toast, for your pancakes, for your soup, and for any dipping sauces. And since its a Mexican restaurant, your salsa. Now take into consideration that your food will come in large oval plates, and that there is also a ketchup bottle, a napkin thingy, salt and pepper, sugar packets, jam little container things, creamer, and more hot sauce… these guys should really adopt those holder things that make your table a double decker type of thing, have you ever seem the pizza holders? They’re like a metal rack type of thing. So that your plates can go under the darn thing.
Anyway, so it seems like we have a bit of a space issue there.
And then there you are sitting in front of an entire table full of food and think that everyone else is staring at your table. I once had to put the toast next to me on the booth seat. The waitress laughed at me.
The takeaway: either learn to balance food on top of other food, or tell the waitress you need a table for 6 when there are only three of you.
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Speaking of food, I just spent 11 bucks on a chicken sandwich from a Burger King at an airport. How have you been ripped off at airports?
I’m launching my

NEW BLOG

soon.

Get a sneak peek at One Way Ticket, Please to tell me what you think about it, please! The link takes you straight to my about page to find out a little more who I am and what the website is about. Be sure to enter your email on the thingy so we can keep in touch on there!

 

157. When someone lies to you and you know they're lying

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Special note for bloggers at the foot of this post.

Not long ago, I asked a friend if she had gotten my email because I hadn’t heard back… to which she replied that she didn’t have email on her phone.

And then I reminded her that she was the one who told me to get email notifications on my phone because they were very useful. She had also read part of an email that she got to me, out loud, while she was next to me in the car.

“But, I know you have email on your phone. What’s going on?”

“Uh. Um, not really.”

“You don’t really have email on your phone?”

She didn’t admit it that she was lying to me, but I didn’t want to push it. How do you feel when someone lies to you?

Cheerios

Ohhhhhhh!

An old roommate used to disconnect the internet router because the lights bothered him at night, and one time over the phone I asked him to turn it back on, and he said it was already on.. and I even heard him stand up flick a switch, and just then the internet started working again (I knew when it came back on because I kept refreshing my StumbleUpon page).

I said “Oh, I guess it was just my laptop”

So awkward.

What are you supposed to do? Play along? I guess that’s an option. I want to know what you do. Hit me up on Twitter, or add a comment below!

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Attention fellow bloggers! I need some help. I’m launching a new blog/project next week and would like to know if any of you are interested in letting me be YOUR GUEST in a blog post 🙂 Your free new content can be in the form of a short blog post from me on any topic, or an interview (ask me anything!) to post on your blog, even if your readership consists of just your mom and that stalker from back in high school. I just discovered guest blogging, and it’s super easy, even if you’ve never done it before. Awesome way to network. Contact me for details on Twitter, or on my email edwincov at gmail (dot) com. I have room for about 5 different blogs, so let me know if you’re interested!

156. That moment when you realize you gave the wrong directions

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I was walking around the northwestern part of Mexico with my cousin after getting some tacos for breakfast (yes, for breakfast!) when I heard a familiar phrase coming out of a car stopped at a red light: Oye, muchacho!

They were asking how to get to San Carlos, a tourist area about 15 minutes northwest from where we were. I had been there many times before, so I told them to just go straight down the road and that an intersection would take them west toward San Carlos.

There was a girl sitting in the passenger seat, it looked like she was from outside of the country, and she asked me if the road pops up on the right or the left. So of course I said LEFT because heading northbound… San Carlos is on the left… except that the exit comes up on the right side and makes a loop and heads west from there.

I realized this literally two seconds after their light turned green and they left. I gave them the wrong directions.

Awkward

Awkward! No, bird! It’s the other way!

But it isn’t the first time that this happens, and no I don’t mean giving the wrong directions but instead second guessing myself. At the end of exams, after an interview, after clicking “Publish” on a blog post. I guess its a karma thing that people always give me the wrong directions. Maybe I should learn how to read maps.

Does this ever happen to you?

How to Act Like Yourself Around Your Crush

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150. Trying to act cool around someone you like

You hear about this all over the place: When you tell a couple of friends that you have a huge crush on some girl, and then they try to leave you two alone, and suddenly their new life goal is to make it awkward for you every time she’s around.

Like if she comes by and sits next to you, everyone suddenly starts looking at you two. As if a rainbow is going to show up above both of you out of nowhere.

Of COURSE it is difficult to act like yourself around your crush, so here are some tips to follow:

1. Don’t tell the whole world about it, at least not right away. They will make it awkward for you and for the other person. Guaranteed. Even if they don’t do it directly, you’re bound to become more self-conscious. That leads to awkwardness.

2. Stop talking so much. Enough said.

3. If you’re acting too nervous, take a break. Tell him/her that you have to use the restroom, have to answer a phone call, or that you need to feed your Tamagotchi really quick. Anything to get you out of there to give you about 45 seconds to regroup and calm down.

4. Be yourself. Unless you kinda suck. Most people don’t, so you’re most likely clear and are OK with just being yourself. You want this person to like you for who you are, right?

Things get pretty uncomfortable around that one special person:

Suddenly your planned conversations fail right after saying “Hello,” and other times you can’t keep your voice from cracking, or acting shaky and nervous. Perhaps you find yourself saying “me too” way too often, or you act so strange that the other person ends up asking you if you’re OK.

Anyone been in a situation like that? What would your advice be?

Your comment is awaiting moderation

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I know, its a feature that stops people hating on your blog from going public. YouTube is like the ghetto area of the internet; in there, anything goes. Rebecca Black knows what I’m talking about. Am I right? Am I right?!

Ok that was messed up. Sorry.

I am definitely against bullying of all kinds, and I’m all for moderating comments.. but I always feel awkward when I leave a short comment on one of your blogs and it gives me that message. It almost feels like leaving a really small tip at a restaurant and then making eye contact with the server. It is just uncomfortable for everyone.

Of course sometimes people feel like its Christmas with those emails that tell us that a comment is waiting to get moderated, so we sit there on our desks with our cup of coffee and grab the mouse while deciding if certain comments have the requirements to be on our blogs. Then we feel all important when we get to click “Approve.”

I felt so strange, that I started digging through the setting here on WordPress and found out how to remove it. In fact, if you log out and check out this blog, you’ll probably see a little note somewhere that says that nothing, not even a comment, is required to comment on any post in this place (just go with it, guys). Maybe I should go back to moderating comments though..

I miss clicking “Approve”.

Are you a loud eater? Find out!

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116. When someone is chewing loudly and they don’t realize it

Have you ever tried to eat an apple at work? Do you try to not act annoyed by somebody chewing loudly next to you? Do your friends think you’re stingy because you refuse to offer them chips or pretzels but the only reason you don’t do so is because you don’t want to hear them chew?

Let’s face it, sometimes we do things that others find annoying, like licking our fingers before flipping a page of a book, missing when we pee, or letting one rip in front of your in-laws. But do you do one of the top 124,234 things that most annoy people? That’s right, I’m talking about chewing loudly; let us find out by answering the following questions truthfully:

Do people invite you out to lunch often? Eating is a highly social event, people enjoy food and they think that the joy will spread and they can actually get to like someone by eating with them, but sometimes things don’t work that way.

Does your dog stop begging for food once you start eating? The poor guy might think you’re eating gravel and dried twigs, can you blame him?

While you’re eating, do people seem to get mad at you for no reason? Aha! Well now it makes sense, right? You’re welcome.

If you think you are the only one that can hear yourself chewing, you are probably wrong.

I used to pack an apple to take to work every day. I’d take one bite out of it, let it sit there,  and watch it get brown until the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I love those things! I like the yellow ones. Just to be clear, I don’t judge based on the color of its skin, origin, or maturity.. I eat them all. I sometimes wonder if I was a horse in a past life; what else could explain it? Anyway, I would let it sit there because the people on the cubicles around me would hear the CRUNCH! CRUNCH CRUNCH… of the delicious apple.

They’re not like crackers, you see.. with crackers you can just leave them in your mouth and eventually they get soggy and they get eerily quiet. Apples don’t! They’re straight up legitimate noise-makers.

As comical as it can be, this can be a very big issue for some. There are groups on Facebook titled “I hate loud eaters!!!” and “I hate people that chew loud!”, seriously.

I’ll let you guys in on a personal story:

In Spanish, they are called chicharrones. In English, we call them pork rinds. The skin of a pig is ripped into tiny squares and then fried in pig fat and served with seasoning or hot sauce. As healthy and appetizing as it sounds, I am not a big fan of them. Some dude had a bag of these (Hot Cheeto-style) and was sitting behind me during a lecture on flux and electric fields. The bag was sealed when I got there, so when I heard the package being opened, I gripped my pencil tight and mentally prepared myself for what was about to happen.

The first bite wasn’t too bad, it had the intensity of the sound of an apple x10 (I think that will be our standard of measurement, 10 apple intensity), but then it got bad. Horrible. Ok, we’re all adults, I’ll just say it: it was torture.

CRUNCH!

No.

It was way worse than that. More like:

CRAKKKKK-INSERT-FINGERNAILS-SCRATCHING-AGAINST-A-BLACKBOARD-SOUND-HERE – UNCH-UNCH -MOIST-MOIST-MOIST-MOIST- SOUND-OF-A-MICROPHONE-GOING-“EEEEEE”- FEET- FEET- UNCH, CRUNCH, THAT-SOUND-THAT-COMES-OUT-AT-THE-END-OF-A-YAWN-SOMETIMES- SQUEAK!!

I’m saying like a 1.23X10^34 apple intensity.

Just when it was about to be over, and I could hear the sound getting softer, a new pork rind would enter his mouth and start it all over again. People were turning around, some people angrily put their hands next to their ears and discreetly pulled out their hair. After six pieces (yes, I remember), I turned around and said:

“Dude.”

He pointed at himself with a confused face. Everyone’s eyes were on us. I couldn’t let everyone down.. it was the moment of truth. Was I going to speak up and be a hero? Was I going to give up and ask for some pork rinds and then choke on them intentionally?

He sank in his chair and looked around at everybody.

I turned away.

He got it.

He put the bag away.

Poor guy, he was embarrassed in front of the whole class because he didn’t realize how annoying he was being. Sure, sometimes closing your mouth while chewing helps, but sometimes the muffled sound makes it resonate with the annoyous nervosious, a made up nerve located between our shoulder blades, next to the thing that causes chills.

Half way through the lecture, we heard another bag of chips being opened from the left side of the classroom. Heads turned in that direction immediately, followed by some awkward chuckles and laughter.. I guess we became a little paranoid.

Happy chewing! Ooh, and Happy Pi Day!

-Edwin

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SWP #2 Perverted things

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Special Weekend Post:

Back in high school, I used to call people “pervs”.

Hey Edwin, do you have a quarter? Perv. 

OK. So maybe not quite like that, but it was a pretty common word. Not because things seemed perverted, and no it should not be compared to today’s “That’s what she said!” remarks; I think it was mostly just to be random, though slowly it started developing into a catch phrase. It’s over now, but hearing the word now still reminds me of those good times.

Many new ideas for the list of awkward has been flowing in, and I am very excited to keep them coming. One of these, brought up after a trip to the movie theater, was the listing of #13 Sex scenes which deals with the uncomfortable moments when a love scene comes up in a movie. I was a bit surprised at the amount of traffic that post received, primarily from search engines with queries such as “sex scenes”. For you internet searchers, I’d like to apologize for disappointing you and not providing you with anything else but a funny post. I hope you eventually found what you were looking for on another site, pervs. 🙂

On another note, there are a few things to note around here: a new layout and a couple of new pages have arrived, as well as other little widget changes few of you might notice. Woo hoo!

We have interesting posts coming up this week. Expect to read about a situation that you’ve probably experienced recently while visiting a friend.. And, oh! Can you say you’re good at using utensils? You’ll see why I am asking on a post later on this week. Embarrassing moments coming right up!

Thank you for sharing posts you like with your friends! I’m glad to know others are getting a good laugh at home, wasting company time while at work, and having a reason to check your smartphone’s email/web app as an excuse to ignore somebody. Ha ha! Just kidding. . but seriously, thank you!

Have a good Sunday!

-Edwin