Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

blogging

Not texting someone back and then seeing them in person

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Who here has a habit of keeping their phone on silent mode, or at least telling the whole world that you do because you don’t reply to text messages right away? Do you guys know that little “Read” option that iMessage has?

Read Receipt iMessage
Read Receipt from iMessage

It literally tells the other person if you’ve read their message or not. I think it says a lot about a person when they have that notification on. However, I’ve found that this thing causes a lot more trouble when it is on because I read a message, I say “Uh huh,” to myself, and then I go back to Netflix and then… I get another message, or grunts (when I meet up with the friend), that I never reply to messages. I mean, HELLO! You got a notification that I read your freakin’ message already, that should be good enough, right?

No.

I’ve considered just replying with a message that says “I read this.” I mean, especially when all the message said was “Hey dude I’m eating a burrito that looks like my exes’ dog lol” What in the world am I supposed to reply to that?

Anyway, I’ve bumped into friends that ask me if I’ve changed my number just to poke at the idea that I didn’t reply to their messages. The truth is, sometimes I just don’t reply because I forget.

No really, I forget to reply because I read the message while I’m doing something like brushing my teeth or frying an egg, or out with friends. What happens is, I see the message.. and if it requires a reply: “Hey, I need your advice with something real quick, my girlfriend caught me checking out her mom.” (awkward), I’ll give an answer. If it is something like “hey wuts up” I just let it slide down the priority list while I finish the chapter of the book I’m reading. Next thing you know, it has been a week and I haven’t told that person “what is actually up” so I feel like a jerk.

Do you reply to your messages right away, every time?

Nooo.. seriously, guys. Do you?

Smelling your clothes to check if they're clean

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Alright, so when I was a kid I remember my mom coming into my room and asking me why my clothes were all over the place, and why I didn’t use that basket thingy she got for the dirty clothes, and why I always needed batteries for my GameBoy, and to go outside and play, and.. well a bunch of other stuff, right? I guess its what mothers do. I could handle a lot of those questions, which I would just answer with a “just cuz, mom,” (yeah I was one of those kids), but one thing that made me use the dirty clothes’ basket thing, was that my mom would sort out what was clean and what wasn’t clean by sniffing it.

And MAN did it make me uncomfortable.

Dirty socks? *Sniff* yep, dirty.

Dirty shirt? *Sniff* hmm, smells okay.. *sniffs from the armpit area* nope. Dirty.

Dirty pants? *Sniff, from the crotch area* …

MOM! Please! Okay.

I guess that motivated me to also want to start doing my own laundry, to which every once in a while I still find myself tempted to sniff my armpit parts of the clothes to see if its dirty or not. Sometimes its just a check to see if I can wear it again without stinking up an elevator or scaring away my stranger bus seat partners. I mean, washing your clothes after a single wear seems like a waste of water, especially if all you did was put them on just to go to Safeway and take them off as soon as you come back home and put The Walking Dead back on Netflix and heat up your microwave pizza.

Maybe smell checking is normal.

*sniff*

What do you think?

Trying to pick up a coin from a flat surface

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Dropping change is just bad. I can never pick up the coins on the first try. Am I the only one with this problem?

 

Sometimes when buying something at the store and the cashier's hand misses mine and he or she drops a dime on the flat surface, I try to pick it up with one hand using my index finger and thumb… Then I realize that it's a two-hand operation. You see, what you do is, umm..

You slide it off the surface and drop it onto your other hand.

And if you drop your money on the ground, good luck.

Either way, it can be slightly embarrassing. I mean is a penny REALLY worth five tries? Maybe that's why I always find pennies on the ground; people just leave them there. I pick up pennies and dimes and quarters (obviously). Maybe my time is worth a little less than the guy who dropped it. Or maybe I'm just super lucky!

Yeah! Let's go with the second one.

Checking yourself out on a reflective window

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Men and women have a completely different way of approaching a reflective surface. Men typically look at themselves, and straighten up the posture and relax the shoulders.

Women, on the other hand, have a script written out detailing their every move. Let’s assume that you are a woman walking down the street at 7am, not many people are around and you are trying out a new shirt.

And, ACTION!

Woman is walking down the street. She spots a giant window belonging to a Thai restaurant to her right. Trying act all casual, she keeps walking, and glances at herself. Well more specifically, glances at HER BUTT.

It’s a “thing”.. Women enjoy checking out their butts.

Then she straightens out her shirt, she adjusts her skirt, makes sure she brings out the chest area, and bam! she’s good to go.

Some go as far as to walk up to the surface, smile very widely to check their teeth, and check those dark lines they paint around the eyes (I forget the name).

You look hot

This seems like every day stuff to you guys, but have you ever been INSIDE a store or office, and have been able to witness such things happening? It happened to me while I was drinking some tea one morning. People would literally walk up to the window and stick out their butts while leaning their heads back, get rid of that wedgie, and keep walking. Dudes mostly adjusted their collars and straightened their posture.

Have you ever been checking yourself out on a window and then slowly the image of the people on the other side begins to become clear through the glass?

Whoops.

So awkward.

151. When your butt itches but you can't find the moment to scratch

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What the heck is an itch?

Do we have any doctor readers here? Sometimes it feels as though the whole experience is mental, and that I can make it go away with the power of my mind. Hey, it works with stomach aches. What weirds me out is how contagious it is.

i_B_P9gg0PY-dog-scratches-butt-weightlifting-surprise-ending--gifsu.com

Think of this:

Right there, where you are sitting (toilet, cubicle, or bed), imagine the feeling of  walking into a spider web and then a fly buzzing around your ear. All of a sudden, you feel it. Your lower back. There it is.. an itch. You feel it at one point.

You want to scratch.

Don’t do it just yet. Watch what it does.

It is literally crawling. It spreads around, now its climbing up higher, to your left side, then your right. You can’t resist it. Its there.

Its higher now.

Now at two points, and it is getting more intense. Ahh! Scratch scratch scratch!

See?

How the heck does it work?

What sucks is when you get an itch on your butt and you’re out somewhere where you can’t scratch. Yup, there are no walls around, and people are everywhere. You may be visiting your girlfriend’s relatives or during a fancy dinner. You can be waiting in line at Starbucks. Itching badly and nowhere to go.

Or when your hands are full and you can’t scratch?

butt1

 

 

How about women in their huge wedding dresses. Ouch. Now that would really suck.

butt2

 

One solution is to run off to a bathroom and scratch there, since they are usually repeat scratches. Scratching it may cause the itch to continue even longer, but ignoring it intensifies the itch.

So awkward.

How to Act Like Yourself Around Your Crush

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150. Trying to act cool around someone you like

You hear about this all over the place: When you tell a couple of friends that you have a huge crush on some girl, and then they try to leave you two alone, and suddenly their new life goal is to make it awkward for you every time she’s around.

Like if she comes by and sits next to you, everyone suddenly starts looking at you two. As if a rainbow is going to show up above both of you out of nowhere.

Of COURSE it is difficult to act like yourself around your crush, so here are some tips to follow:

1. Don’t tell the whole world about it, at least not right away. They will make it awkward for you and for the other person. Guaranteed. Even if they don’t do it directly, you’re bound to become more self-conscious. That leads to awkwardness.

2. Stop talking so much. Enough said.

3. If you’re acting too nervous, take a break. Tell him/her that you have to use the restroom, have to answer a phone call, or that you need to feed your Tamagotchi really quick. Anything to get you out of there to give you about 45 seconds to regroup and calm down.

4. Be yourself. Unless you kinda suck. Most people don’t, so you’re most likely clear and are OK with just being yourself. You want this person to like you for who you are, right?

Things get pretty uncomfortable around that one special person:

Suddenly your planned conversations fail right after saying “Hello,” and other times you can’t keep your voice from cracking, or acting shaky and nervous. Perhaps you find yourself saying “me too” way too often, or you act so strange that the other person ends up asking you if you’re OK.

Anyone been in a situation like that? What would your advice be?

Happy Anniversary!

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Awkward ListDear bloggers and readers,

Thank you! 

I received this notice from WordPress to renew my domain name *cough* for $18 *cough*,  then I thought: if I didn’t have you guys, I would’ve looked at the bill, kindly say “screw this,” and then let it fade into the heaven of the internet. And then WordPress sent me a little reminder saying that it was our two-year anniversary today!

Aw, WordPress! You remembered!

For those of you who are recent subscribers, or have no idea about who I am because you refuse to check out my About Me page, or follow me on Twiter (@edwincov), check it out:

Awkward List started as a place to write down the posts I had been writing and submitting to Facebook back in 2010 and 2011. I was using their primitive “Notes” app on there to write notes and have them published to my own profile page. I had a few people that would read them, and eventually I started a blog with Blogger (the .blogspot.com accounts), and I felt like I was by myself at a country with an entirely different culture and language. I did get the occasional spammer stop by every once in a while, but it just wasn’t cutting it.

Then enter WordPress.

Such an awesome blogging platform that has plenty of room to create a community. I was a bit overwhelmed at first, people were so much friendlier here. And if you have been on YouTube lately, you know that people can be pretty mean sometimes.

Being the person that I am, I got used to this place and now refuse to leave. You guys have read what I say about things, and even though I may seem a bit weird sometimes.. I’m actually quite average.

Psyche!

I am a bit weird. But we’re all a little weird… right?

“We’re all a little weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone
whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into
mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”

-Robert Fulgham (though often said it comes from Dr. Seuss)

Wendi, from This, That, and The Other Thang, knows what I’m talking about.. I like Dr. Seuss very much. I also like:

Comfortable silence among friends, ginger ale, sketching random objects and adding faces to them, berries, silent parks, the misty fog that floats over grass fields in the mornings, warm nights, when the moon looks like a crooked smile, finding a song that I can play over and over, kite flying, reading biographies, long conversations, giving stuff away, and words that are cool to say.

Blogging is just another way to keep the conversation going.

Thank you all very much for reading,

Sincerely,

#@$%#^!@

Edwin

Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Your comment is awaiting moderation

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I know, its a feature that stops people hating on your blog from going public. YouTube is like the ghetto area of the internet; in there, anything goes. Rebecca Black knows what I’m talking about. Am I right? Am I right?!

Ok that was messed up. Sorry.

I am definitely against bullying of all kinds, and I’m all for moderating comments.. but I always feel awkward when I leave a short comment on one of your blogs and it gives me that message. It almost feels like leaving a really small tip at a restaurant and then making eye contact with the server. It is just uncomfortable for everyone.

Of course sometimes people feel like its Christmas with those emails that tell us that a comment is waiting to get moderated, so we sit there on our desks with our cup of coffee and grab the mouse while deciding if certain comments have the requirements to be on our blogs. Then we feel all important when we get to click “Approve.”

I felt so strange, that I started digging through the setting here on WordPress and found out how to remove it. In fact, if you log out and check out this blog, you’ll probably see a little note somewhere that says that nothing, not even a comment, is required to comment on any post in this place (just go with it, guys). Maybe I should go back to moderating comments though..

I miss clicking “Approve”.

Becoming a Verb

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139. When your friends use your name as a verb to refer to something you constantly do

Are you a verb?

I’m not hoping to start an argument here. You can be what ever you set your mind to, so if you choose to be a contraction or an adjective, go for it.

“But I’m a noun.”

Yes. I know that. Just… ok?

I was sitting with a group of friends at a table when I heard one of them say “OK.. so now you’re going to bust an Ed?”

“Uh, you know I’m still here, right?” I shot back.

“I think I’m gonna have to ‘Edwin’ this one,” Ellie told the others, completely ignoring me, “if I never ask, I’ll never know, you know?” she continued.

Because yes, I have been guilty of asking the most random questions. I once walked up to a table at the cafeteria in college and asked someone “Hey, do you need a couch?” completely out of nowhere, and she just looked at me silently before laughing at what had just happened. I would I eventually lose the couch but gained one seriously-awesome friend.

So Ellie went up to another girl and asked something about woman stuff.. like about heels or make up or something sort-of-unimportant. They became friends for a while until, well, you know.. women issues.

Let me introduce you to some blogger-turned-into-verbs:

“Why’d you go all Sandi on us?” – To disappear from blogging for a while. Hahaha I’m glad she’s back with more stories! (Blogger: Sandi)

“Look on the bright side, go Lame-Adventuring, dude” – To take a “whatever” life event and turn it into a hilarious adventure whilst being economical even it means building your own chairs to save a few bucks. (Blogger: Lame Adventure Woman)

“I should probably Lauren more around here” – To turn things into glitter, unicorns, laughter, and dresses. See also: To doodle. (Blogger: Lauren)

Even though the mentioned WordPressers’ verbs are also synonyms to awesome-ing, other people use verbs in other ways.

Match a friend with one of the following:

  • To over think
  • To chicken out
  • To laugh at the wrong time
  • To fall asleep on the phone
  • To get emotional

How would people use you as a verb?