Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

business

3. Someone uses the bathroom stall next to yours

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Tell Me If This Has Happened To You

I was taking care of business one lonely Wednesday afternoon in a restroom with about five toilet stalls. (For those of you [women] that are not familiar with men’s restrooms, they have toilet stalls and urinals. Urinals are for peeing, toilets are for pooping.) Remember, it was a lonely afternoon, so I was had the whole restroom to myself! Yeah! Unfortunately, that didn’t last very long because then I heard someone opening the door. He walked in, talking to himself (it sounded like he was half-singing “Love Story” by Taylor Swift) and chose my neighbor stall. Did he know I was there? I tried to make it obvious by tapping the toilet paper holder thing, and even went as far as making a grunting noise to warn the intruder.

 

It didn’t matter to him. He sat down and dropped the bomb (we’re allowed to use that word in blogs right? I don’t want to get another surprise visit by the FBI). Eventually, I realized that he didn’t really mind sitting in the bathroom stall next to someone else’s, since, after an awkward silence of no action going on, he managed to say:

“Aye bro, nice shoes.”

Well.. they were pretty cool-looking new Vans. Thanks man!

Bathroom Stall Etiquette

You have probably heard about bathroom etiquette in the past. First, let’s make sure that we’re on the same page here; I’m talking about those things dealing with the urinals and how– alright, might as well explain it:

1) You may not under any circumstance use a urinal next to one that is currently being used.

2) If the only urinal available is in between two guys, you must wait a safe distance from the scene of the urinating. Every once in a while, a brave but ignorant soul will take the chance and take the empty urinal. Do not follow his lead.

3) While in the toilet stalls, do not speak on your cell phone and keep all body parts inside your specified business area.

4) Do not apologize for farting. Hey, it’s natural.

5) If you really messed up the human gas to oxygen level ratio in the restroom and it feels as though you’re suffocating, do not come out of the stall smiling about it. You have ruined the bathroom experience for many. What is so funny about that?

What To Do

Anyway, when we are pooping and someone comes and uses the our neighbor stall we feel it. The awkward. We can no longer be free to express ourselves until he or she leaves. So what do you do? Well you could hold it until the other person leaves, but that is time consuming. You could just not care and finish up, or you could rush your experience. You can do what ever you want. I mean it could get worse:

What if you are both be waiting for each other to finish. You two will never get out. Awkward. Worse-er –What if someone else decides to join and wait.

Those rant reviews on Yelp.

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I like trying out new places, I do. I find them mostly through recommendations from friends and random people I meet, and when I’m in a completely new area where I don’t know anybody, I use Yelp.

For those of you who don’t know what that is, just think of it as a place where regular people like you and me write a short review and provide 1-5 stars to businesses we have visited.

I once went into an auto parts place, kind of hole-in-the-wall, and famous for its low discount prices on just about anything. I went in, stood in line, ordered my part, and walked right out after being given a little note that said that the alternator would be available for me to pick up at 3pm. I went back at 2:45pm and it was ready for me; I didn’t even have to wait in line. It was easy, and I didn’t feel like I was getting ripped off, so overall I was more than satisfied with my purchase. I could tell that they didn’t need a review to help out their business since they seemed to have a line all the way out the door in the afternoon when I went to pick up the part, but I decided to Yelp them anyway.

“Worst customer service ever!!”

“I am not giving them my business, they are rude and treated me like dirt!”

What?!

Who the heck is writing up these things? They were awesome! Sure, they weren’t the friendliest people ever, but if I wanted that, I’d just go to Disneyland, or stop in for a sandwich at Chick-Fil-A to be treated with smiles and unicorns.

I clicked on the “read more” link on those bad reviews (the place had a 3 star average, though I was expecting a 4 star minimum), only to find out that these people were saying that they weren’t greeted, and that they were rushed to make a decision. Another dude said that he would “go to another shop, even if I have to pay more for the parts”.  One of the comments said it in the best way possible:

“People complain about the lack of friendly customer service, but I came here for the discount parts, I could give a crap about “good” customer service as long as I pay 70% of what other shops offer.”

Customer service is important when I’m paying for a service, like my mailing account, or my cell phone plan. When poop clogs the toilet and a plumber comes by to fix it without saying “Daaaamn! What did you eat?!” That’s when I care about customer service, but if he can fix it anyway, then I’m cool.

People go to those review sites only if they really liked the place, or if they hated it.

Horse - Haters gonna hate

Have you ever had a horrible experience from a business?

When someone's card declines, and you don't know how to tell them

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English: Logo of Target, US-based retail chain
English: Logo of Target, US-based retail chain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I like those machines that you find at Target, or Vons/Safeway.. or large retailer places that have the screen for you to swipe your own card, see your total, ask for your signature.. and it even asks if you want cash back. They are super awesome, because in case my card declines, only I will know.

I always thought it was just awkward for the person whose card declined, but once I became a cashier, I discovered how awkward it is for the person telling you so. Here’s how it usually goes:

The customer comes in, purchases something and gives you the card. You swipe it and suddenly you get this message: Error, Card Declined.

Declined.

Declined.

So you swipe it again.. acting like you’re having trouble with it, while hoping that the person will realize on their own that they have insufficient funds and will ask you to try another card.

DECLINED.

You act confused, and make it obvious that the card is not working and they look at you with the look of shame, almost like when you get home to your dog taking the stuffing out of your couch cushions. You must break the news. There is just no other way.

“I’m sorry sir, your card declined.”

OUCH!

I said that a few times and I felt like the worst person ever! So I worked out a technique:

“Hmm, this card isn’t working.. I wonder what happened.”

or I ask,

“Has this card been giving you trouble elsewhere?”

What makes it even more awkward is when you’re a server at a place and you must tell the person in front of the other members of their table that the card declined, or when the guy is trying to look like a big shot in front of his date and his card won’t help him out.

Has anyone else there been in this situation? How would you tell them?

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19. When people around you start arguing

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Just a couple of seconds ago here at the coffee shop, a woman and a man started arguing and left the shop. Another woman from across my table and I looked at each other as the couple began to argue, and put us in a tough situation; we had to act like nothing was happening.

But something was happening! These people looked like trouble the second they walked in, so we saw it coming. What were we supposed to do? Walk out? Speak up? It has happened to me many times before, and I always have the same reaction no matter what: I freeze.

The Coffee Shop (cont.)- They looked like business people, a very tall (and intimidating) couple. The woman ordered her coffee, and had a little angry reaction with the barista; that’s when my freeze procedure started. I was reading along the pages of my book, when I noticed my eyes were fixed on one particular line of the book as my hearing senses took over my sight ones. The man behind her ordered and then it started. They were no longer distracted by a barista or by the menu. They were forced to wait for their drinks together and something was bound to happen. The woman turned around and said “You know what this is about! Why are you asking?”. The man responded and it was on! They casually looked at me a couple of times. Eventually they left. As soon as the door shut close, the shop people started talking to each other about it and laughing, and started asking us about it and apologized.

Friend’s House- While hanging out with one of my friends at his house, his dad asked him to take out the trash. The mom quickly snapped at the dad to tell him that he had a guest over (me) and that my friend could take out the trash later. The dad responded with a grunt and said something back. That’s all it took to start arguing. They hit very important topics such as:

  • Why taking out the trash is important
  • When a child must learn to be responsible
  • How embarrassing it is to argue in front of guests
  • That they were making me feel uncomfortable

Your Friends- When you’re in a group of friends and you must witness an argument between them, things get very uncomfortable. Sometimes its best to stay out of it, but since you’re friends, there is a certain type of obligation to mediate or at least do something to help them out. My solution is to listen to both sides of the story but not side with either of them, ever. Though I’m not typically involved with dramatic people, there have been cases where two or more begin attacking one. That’s uncool, man.

So next time you begin to argue with someone, whether it be over a woman or over who got the last slice of pizza, make sure to acknowledge that other people are listening and how they’re feeling. And be aware that they might post it on their blog.