Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

coffee

Coffee Shop Culture: Which one are you?

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I’ve spent a lot of time in coffee shops over the years and I still like them. And, well, sure you may be thinking of Starbucks or Peet’s Coffee or.. Seattle’s Best (which major ones have I missed?), I’m talking smaller shops.

The best coffee shop is the one where you feel the most comfortable in. I like quiet ones; even dead quiet ones where their Pandora radio station or XM radio isn’t working so you’re forced to listen to people typing or the occasional popping fart from people drinking coffee and trying to hold it in. Obviously your stomach will become overactive, right? You’re drinking caffeine! Do you guys think its only your mind “speeding up” or your heart turning from a constant beat to a buzzing sound, like when you trap a fly between the window and the window screen? No, no, no! Your guts start churning faster too, they try to digest things quicker, also your minor twitching becomes even more hardcore… what would normally be a tiny little vibration on your arm suddenly becomes a violent up and down motion that tries to slap your face.

But don’t just take my word for it, check out these boring websites: Coffee & Health or Caffe Moak and they’ll tell you a bunch of facts that you don’t need to learn right now, but basically… yes, it can make you fart. It can also dehydrate you.. but whatever, I like coffee.

So back to the original idea: how come coffee shops aren’t better equipped to handle people pooping and farting while in their shops? Of course I don’t mean literally pooping in their chairs, I mean more like.. an extra amount of toilet seat covers in their bathrooms or, heck, MORE THAN ONE RESTROOM!? Have you ever been to a Starbucks that has NO restroom? (mostly in super urban downtown areas, where the transient population is high). It’s like… uh? You’re serving coffee, of course you’re going to have to wait in line for the restroom if the person is taking a massive dump in there. Uh, maybe some reading material, better air fresheners. Coffee shop owners, take note.

I become a regular at a coffee shop no matter where I am, and right now, I found mine at Cafe Legato here in San Jose, California. Simple, quiet, and classical music themed. Who can pass up a pastry for $0.85? Anyway, the owners here know my regular drink, and they know that I stay here for a long time. I also have a Coffee Shop Buddy, but she doesn’t know it yet so I guess we’re in an open coffee shop buddy relationship because she goes to other shops too and so do I because we trust each other and.. okay, maybe that’s the wrong analogy. We acknowledge each other in the mornings, and we work on our own things separately all day long.

From where I sit, literally in the corner of the shop.. –Oh, let me take a photo. One second.

Awkwardlist

–Here we go. See, I have a clear view on everything. So I notice the:

Person who doesn’t get off their cell phone when they order, so the poor guy behind the counter tries to repeat their order or get confirmation on something and gets a nod and a finger sign language thing common of cell phone talkers.

The woman and the crying kid who orders a small chocolate milk or an apple juice and then takes forever to decide what she wants so the kid grows impatient and starts running around saying hi to everyone. Yay.

Indecisive one, the person who actually becomes embarrassed by his inability to order something, that he lets everybody in line order first and then can’t get himself back in line. He finally decides on a regular coffee and then regrets it.

The other day, this one guy came in making a scene because his car got towed. He left it overnight at in a private parking lot, I mean.. c’mon man. He asked everybody in a whiney voice where his car was. I just turned up my music and watched a YouTube video even harder. Nobody told him anything, besides, he was disrupting a piece by Mozart. Uh, get out of here, guy!

I know that many of you are bloggers and authors and readers.. where do you prefer to work? At home, or a coffee shop of some sort? At a park? What kind of coffee shop characters have you noticed?

Will you be paying together or separately? (Part 1 of 2)

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Talk about putting you on the spot.

I was out with a couple of new friends I had met at a bookstore, and eventually the group of five people turned into two: me and a brown-eyed girl with long dark hair. We talked about coffee and shared our views on unconscious cues that people give off. Both of us being deeply interested in human behavior, we had lots to talk about. It was around six o’clock in the evening, and the sidewalk was getting a bit crowded, so we stopped by a coffee shop that either sold really bad coffee, or was operating illegally because it was empty from what we could see from the outside. We walked in.

Sometimes you don’t know how to order at a new place, you know? Some people let you pay once you get your drink, others you pay up front, you can open up a tab, you can stuff your face and then pay later.. it can get quite confusing. The barista was cleaning something in the sink and asked what she could get for us, so I ordered a house coffee, and Megan ordered a latte with some other italian sounding words.

“It’ll be ready in a minute, guys! For here, or to go?”

I looked over to signal that we’re going to be heading out, and she looked directly at me and walks over to the cash register, wiping her hands on a towel. I walked over, and took out my wallet.

“Where are you guys coming from?”

“A bookstore,” I reply, “the one two blocks down, on Fourth.”

I handed her a ten dollar bill, and she held it without doing anything else. She looked at me and then at Megan. Then she asked, “Will you be paying together, or separately?”

Megan looked over, and stood up. I turned toward Megan.

“It’s OK, this one’s on me.”

“No, no. It’s OK.”

I looked at the barista, Kelly, her name tag read, and motioned her to accept it. Looking over my shoulder, Kelly opens her eyes widely toward Megan and says “Would you like to pay separately, honey?”

Megan froze. She looked at me, and then at Kelly.

Awkward.

I turned around toward Kelly and said, “It’s fine, just take my money,” trying to sound as casual as possible even the though I was awkwarded out.

Kelly waited for Megan to say something.

What was happening? Why was this such a big deal? I made an obviously confused facial expression for Megan, out of sight from Kelly.

Megan laughed.

“Yes, that’s fine. I’ll get you next time.”

Thank you, Megan. You just got us out of this strange situation. Pheew. Awkwardness averted.

Oh, wait.

There were no sounds coming from the cash register. Kelly was still looking at Megan, trying to communicate telepathically or something.

Silence.

I wanted to laugh.

Still silent.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

Silence again.

Megan didn’t know how to respond, and the whole situation was so awkward that we ended up paying separately.

…

What.

?

Why was this barista being so weird? We asked her. Her response may surprise you. Or not. Yeah, it probably won’t.

Any theories?

Part 2 of this story is coming up on Wednesday. 

33. Getting hit on

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First of all, I would like to apologize to the guy from Starbucks, I will tell the internet about his awkward moment. He is the main character of today’s story:

After spending 6 hours in the university library, I decided to take a break and head out into the real world to get a cup of coffee at another Starbucks (we have one on our campus). It was finals week, and I was bored to death by the American government studies, I just needed to see things other than the black Times New Roman letters in my American Government textbook and my unreadable notes.

I arrived with a big bag filled with notes, a laptop, charger, pens, highlighters.. you know, the student essentials. After putting my things on a chair next to a man (who was talking on the phone), I noticed a very attractive woman standing by the teas and other stuff that Starbucks sells. She must have been in her mid-twenties, tall with long dark hair, and wearing a black dress. I asked her if was waiting in line. She said no, and I proceeded onto ordering coffee from the tall barista guy.

Since ordering plain coffee takes around 10 seconds, I stepped back and waited for it before heading back to my chair. Then I saw the cell phone man approaching the woman. Was he doing it? Yes he was! He was going to go up to her and talk to her. Big move. [Whenever I tell this story, I like to imagine that everybody put their coffee down, the music stopped playing, and all eyes focused on the man about to do what no other man in the shop was willing to do: talk to “her”.] I must have been around 3 feet away from all of the action.

“Hey” said the man.

“Hi.” the woman politely replied, with a smile.

“Ordering some coffee, huh?”

“No, I’m just waiting” said the woman

“Oh,” said the man, “Do you come here often?”

Do you come here often? DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN?!? He asked her one of those questions that just give it away! It’s like saying “How YOU doin’ . . .” At this point, I gave up all hope on the man. He pretty much flipped a coin and was either about to face rejection or success.

“Sorry. I’m actually waiting for my boyfriend.” the woman said, with an “I feel sorry for you” look on her face.

“Oh, cool. Your boyfriend.” –awkward.

“Yeah,” she said, pointing at the guy taking orders at Starbucks “that’s him.”

At this moment, I looked at the barista guy, and he just smiled at the man and started to shake his head a little. I felt embarrassed for the man. He just walked back to his chair without saying another word. I didn’t know how to pretend that I hadn’t just witnessed something like that. I was hoping for the moment to end when, suddenly..

“Edwin!”

I heard my name from the other side of the shop.

“Edwin! A tall coffee?”

Oh, right. My coffee. Those 10 seconds seemed way too long.

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19. When people around you start arguing

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Just a couple of seconds ago here at the coffee shop, a woman and a man started arguing and left the shop. Another woman from across my table and I looked at each other as the couple began to argue, and put us in a tough situation; we had to act like nothing was happening.

But something was happening! These people looked like trouble the second they walked in, so we saw it coming. What were we supposed to do? Walk out? Speak up? It has happened to me many times before, and I always have the same reaction no matter what: I freeze.

The Coffee Shop (cont.)- They looked like business people, a very tall (and intimidating) couple. The woman ordered her coffee, and had a little angry reaction with the barista; that’s when my freeze procedure started. I was reading along the pages of my book, when I noticed my eyes were fixed on one particular line of the book as my hearing senses took over my sight ones. The man behind her ordered and then it started. They were no longer distracted by a barista or by the menu. They were forced to wait for their drinks together and something was bound to happen. The woman turned around and said “You know what this is about! Why are you asking?”. The man responded and it was on! They casually looked at me a couple of times. Eventually they left. As soon as the door shut close, the shop people started talking to each other about it and laughing, and started asking us about it and apologized.

Friend’s House- While hanging out with one of my friends at his house, his dad asked him to take out the trash. The mom quickly snapped at the dad to tell him that he had a guest over (me) and that my friend could take out the trash later. The dad responded with a grunt and said something back. That’s all it took to start arguing. They hit very important topics such as:

  • Why taking out the trash is important
  • When a child must learn to be responsible
  • How embarrassing it is to argue in front of guests
  • That they were making me feel uncomfortable

Your Friends- When you’re in a group of friends and you must witness an argument between them, things get very uncomfortable. Sometimes its best to stay out of it, but since you’re friends, there is a certain type of obligation to mediate or at least do something to help them out. My solution is to listen to both sides of the story but not side with either of them, ever. Though I’m not typically involved with dramatic people, there have been cases where two or more begin attacking one. That’s uncool, man.

So next time you begin to argue with someone, whether it be over a woman or over who got the last slice of pizza, make sure to acknowledge that other people are listening and how they’re feeling. And be aware that they might post it on their blog.