Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

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When a horse gets an erection

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I went as a chaperone for a first-grade field trip to a park. I know the field trip sounds pretty lame already but it was a huge park with lots of things to do. It had rides, sandboxes and even a petting zoo.

 

Children love animals, and they love making noises like “eww” and making gestures that explain how they are feeling at the moment like the whole “someone farted” thing where the kid clamps her nose with her hand and points at me someone.. Even though its totally natural and maybe that person had a lot of green vegetables earlier that day.

We were walking through the stables when I saw a group of kids saying eww, which apparently also attracts a large group of them. One of the kids looks up at me and asks,

“What IS that?”

“What is what?” I asked, looking around waiting to see a cow taking a massive dump or something.

Then I see it.

 

That, my friends is a picture of “Lil Sebastian” from the television show “Parks and Recreation”, but it clearly explains what I saw. And yes it is blurred.

Kids have no boundaries when it comes to awkwardness. I tried to change the subject to the ostrich eggs but they kept asking about it so I did what any mature individual would do in a situation like that: I started singing Old McDonald had a farm… What? It worked for a little bit.

Yeah…

What would YOU have done?

 

Calling your boyfriend/girlfriend by an ex's name

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lalalalala..

Conversation is going smoothly. Lalala.. wait for it..

Boom! 

Wait, let me do that again:

BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!1!1!!

It just slipped out, you said it.

Sometimes I wonder about those women who change boyfriends all the time, I mean how do they keep track of their names and such? How do they remember the guy’s favorite color or his favorite food? How do they not get names confused?

One of the posts that got Freshly Pressed on here — *applause* ..oh, thanks guys! ..*you guys are still applauding* thank you, thank you! *you guys don’t calm down* [barely audible: thank you guys, really] *applause* Thanks! *applause fades* … So what was I saying? Ah yes, the Freshly Pressed post —*applause*

Ok! Guys, seriously!

The freshly pressed post was titled “Forgetting someone’s name“, and even though it wasn’t that great or anything, it shows that this stuff is pretty common. When someone calls you by name, and you can’t remember their name, it makes the whole thing uncomfortable. The thing here is a little different though, you didn’t forget their name, you actually remembered someone else’s instead of their own.

I’ve been called Mike, Edgar, and even Hen. Every single one of those times, I just pretended I didn’t hear it. They noticed. And I let them simmer in the awkwardness.

And the same has happened the other way around. I made an interesting discovery: people will not usually call your attention to it. Though I am sure you can think of that one person that is not afraid of causing drama and will say “What did you just call me?”

In relationships though, things are a little different. It seems like even the simple things, such as farting, become a huge deal. Even liking or commenting on someone else’s photos can get you in trouble.

Honey let me explainThings can get pretty crazy if you get the name wrong, just sayin’.

Well maybe that is a little extreme, but people get mad and feelings get hurt through that honest mistake.

Be careful. But don’t think about it too much because then you’re going to do it and then blame me for it. I don’t want that.

Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation like that with your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Let’s keep it PG-Rated 13. With just a splish splash of R.

Hahaha, kidding, jeez.

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