You know, starting a new relationship means having to learn how to fart silently once again. [Read more…] about 68. Farting in front of your partner for the first time
Here is the scenario:
You’re at a sushi bar with a couple of friends, enjoying the raw fish, rice and all the other cool stuff you can find at a place like that. After a while, the conversation dies down a little which hints that a change of topic is necessary. Certain people are better at it than others, because some people just have interesting things to talk about. Well what if there are two interesting people at the table that notice the sudden death of a conversation and want bring forth a new one?
That’s you. YOU are one of the interesting, awesome people. And suddenly you want to talk about how your car broke down and the mechanic messed it up even more. But your friend wants to talk about his ex-girlfriend going out with his brother now. Here’s what it would sound like:
“So I can’t believe freakin’ mechanic she’s going out with made it worse with my brother!”
And other times, neither of them wants to talk! Suddenly the battle of you-go begins:
“So I can’t believe freakin— oh.”
“No, you go. I was going to say something dumb.”
“Well I forgot what I was going to say anyway.”
Great, so neither of them will say anything. And, we’re back to square one. Both people might turn away and leave you with a dead conversation. Once more.
Yes, it happens.
Definitely one of the lesser known ones, yet carries a lot of awkwardness power! I mean hey, some people out there might have a little belly that gives the impression of a pregnancy, but even then some people consider it “too much to ask” for fear of offending the other person.
But c’mon, sometimes you are pretty darn sure that the woman is pregnant. She might even put her hand on her belly, just like the ladies on the image of cool pregnant women on the right of this paragraph. Or maybe she just gives off that maternal vibe by acting super nice and smiling all the time.
“Oh my! Congratulations!”
“Uh, thank you?”
“When is your baby due?”
“Oh no, I’m not pregnant.”
Oops! She wasn’t pregnant. At this point, you might wish for something else to take the attention off of you, but just wishing won’t do very much here. Sorry buddy, you’re on your own. But hey, some women might actually be pregnant and find it extremely nice for someone to notice and congratulate them. It is one of those risks that some people are willing to take. Besides, some people say that life is “all about taking risks”, right? Certain people are natural risk takers, so uh, good for them.
First of all, I would like to apologize to the guy from Starbucks, I will tell the internet about his awkward moment. He is the main character of today’s story:
After spending 6 hours in the university library, I decided to take a break and head out into the real world to get a cup of coffee at another Starbucks (we have one on our campus). It was finals week, and I was bored to death by the American government studies, I just needed to see things other than the black Times New Roman letters in my American Government textbook and my unreadable notes.
I arrived with a big bag filled with notes, a laptop, charger, pens, highlighters.. you know, the student essentials. After putting my things on a chair next to a man (who was talking on the phone), I noticed a very attractive woman standing by the teas and other stuff that Starbucks sells. She must have been in her mid-twenties, tall with long dark hair, and wearing a black dress. I asked her if was waiting in line. She said no, and I proceeded onto ordering coffee from the tall barista guy.
Since ordering plain coffee takes around 10 seconds, I stepped back and waited for it before heading back to my chair. Then I saw the cell phone man approaching the woman. Was he doing it? Yes he was! He was going to go up to her and talk to her. Big move. [Whenever I tell this story, I like to imagine that everybody put their coffee down, the music stopped playing, and all eyes focused on the man about to do what no other man in the shop was willing to do: talk to “her”.] I must have been around 3 feet away from all of the action.
“Hey” said the man.
“Hi.” the woman politely replied, with a smile.
“Ordering some coffee, huh?”
“No, I’m just waiting” said the woman
“Oh,” said the man, “Do you come here often?”
Do you come here often? DO YOU COME HERE OFTEN?!? He asked her one of those questions that just give it away! It’s like saying “How YOU doin’ . . .” At this point, I gave up all hope on the man. He pretty much flipped a coin and was either about to face rejection or success.
“Sorry. I’m actually waiting for my boyfriend.” the woman said, with an “I feel sorry for you” look on her face.
“Oh, cool. Your boyfriend.” –awkward.
“Yeah,” she said, pointing at the guy taking orders at Starbucks “that’s him.”
At this moment, I looked at the barista guy, and he just smiled at the man and started to shake his head a little. I felt embarrassed for the man. He just walked back to his chair without saying another word. I didn’t know how to pretend that I hadn’t just witnessed something like that. I was hoping for the moment to end when, suddenly..
I heard my name from the other side of the shop.
“Edwin! A tall coffee?”
Oh, right. My coffee. Those 10 seconds seemed way too long.
Whether its getting a rejection letter from your first-choice university, getting a phone call from the place you interviewed with, or when that girl you asked out gives you a very detailed excuse to not go out for coffee with you. . . getting rejected is awkward.
In fact, getting rejected is awkward before you actually get rejected! Let’s say you’re inviting a woman out for coffee. Ready.. set.. action!
Woman: You seem very nice.
Man: Thank you, would you like to go out for coffee sometime?
*Woman does not want to go and is deciding on how to say no. Awkward*
Woman: Uh, actually I think you should know I’m seeing someone.
*Man begins to feel awkward because she’s lying or not interested. Man becomes self conscious. Awkward.*
Man: Oh. Uh, well, uh, that’s O.K. I’ll see you around.
Woman: Yeah, yeah. Of course, I’ll see you later.
Pshh.. like that ever happens! Things get extremely awkward when you get rejected like that. But what about when you get a rejection letter or a phone call? Not knowing what to say causes another one of these moments. You might think that people are used to getting rejected, like those people taking surveys on the street that everyone says “no” to, but its tough taking a “no” from people whether it is expected or unexpected.
Do you remember yours? You had a horse drawn carriage pick you up, and take you to an expensive restaurant. Nobody was under/over dressed, there were no awkward silences, the food on the Italian restaurant menu was easy to pronounce. . . Perfection.
It was the second week of college, and I had gotten my first number, but still struggled on how to ask out a woman. A friend of mine offered me tickets to a “concert”. She mentioned that it was going to be hip hop, cool people, and her boyfriend was going to perform.
“Oh, sure. How much?”
I got the pair of tickets and called Amy that same night. She said yes, and we set the time for me to go pick her up and head over the following week. There was a California Pizza Kitchen (CPK) nearby, and the plan was to hit both places that night. I was excited, but scared at the same time for not knowing what this whole thing was going to be about. After discussing it with my roommate, I decided that there was nothing to be fearful about and that I was just going to wing it to have a good time.
The day had finally arrived and we headed over to the center of L.A. My first sign of trouble was the traffic, which wasn’t supposed to take place for another two hours. That usually means one of two things: an accident, or construction on the roads. I wasn’t panicking –there was no need to. The need for panic was coming up later that night.
We arrived at CPK, only to find a large yellow tape across the front door. It apparently had a recent problem and was forced to close for the day. Still not panicking, I looked over at Amy and she smiled and suggested we go elsewhere, and pointed across the street. Oh, Carl’s Jr. Well, at least she didn’t mind cheap food. I admitted feeling a little embarrassed that I took her to eat burgers at a fast food place, but she made me feel a little better by telling me that it was her first time at one of them.
The failure didn’t end there. As we arrived at the address listed on the tickets, we found ourselves in front of a bar. After having our hands marked with HUGE X’s they let us in. We followed a girl with big hoop earrings through the bar and into .. the backyard!?
Oh no. Trash cans on fire, five or six people maximum out there, and a large speaker in the front of what they called a “stage”. People attempting to rap were taking over, and that’s when I realized that I was in some type of underground rapping joint and that I needed to get out of there to stop myself from being less embarrassed. Amy felt uncomfortable, and so did I. We agreed to leave the place after about half an hour and then headed back to campus. She went to her dorm room, and that was that.
Many things have changed since then. I still wing it sometimes because the improvisation makes it really fun and interesting, but I always try to be prepared. Looking up traffic conditions, making sure eateries are operational, and I have a super secret backup idea just in case all else fails.
Three years later, Amy and I bumped into each other on campus. We agreed that our date had been awkward. She pointed out that she didn’t know what to say, that she was overdressed for the occasion, and that she had trouble understanding what the people were rapping about.
When you’re on a date. When you’re with your best friend. When you just ate. When you need to pee. When you’re with your sister. When your parents are in the room. When it is an actual sex scene (the ones where you see the guy’s butt).
Suppose you’re on a date, watching a movie that involves a love scene. The scene could catch you by surprise, or it could be somewhat anticipated; either way the result is always awkward. The most common response is to sit very still and forget that you had been eating popcorn. If the scene catches you while you’re taking a sip of your drink, the straw is likely to stay in your mouth because you will freeze. Any type of twitching, readjusting, or any eye contact is strongly discouraged during these scenes.
Its a bit easier to manage when you’re with your best friend, mostly because you both know each other well enough to avoid talking about it after the movie.
If you need to use the restroom, be careful. Dirty minds might assume that you aren’t going to do the regular restroom business. Enough said.
“Whoa, would you look at that..? Are they .. really doing it? Honey! Honey, come over quick!”
Parents are embarrassing sometimes.
I avoid those movies as much as possible because of these situations. I mean what if its one of those intense scenes where they last more than a minute, up to the point where you want to look around to see what everyone’s expression is, things get a bit uncomfortable. I’m sure movie makers are aware of this and adjust the movies accordingly, but then again I’ve heard a lot about people that watch a movie because they hear rumors of a sex scene between top celebrities, and they just have to see it for themselves.
Freakin’ sex scenes.