Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

door

5. When you push instead of pull (a door)

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This probably won’t be the last post about doors. These magnificent inventions have been around for a very long time and yet we cannot seem to fully understand them. We have awkward automatic doors [post coming up soon], we misunderstand what proper door etiquette really is, and the most popular human error: understanding the  push/pull signs.

These signs are usually posted on doors, but I can definitely see why people miss them. They are usually small, and the font usually is adjusted to fit in with the overall theme of the establishment (C’mon people, imagine the word “pull” spelled out in the font that is used on the Chinese food “kari out” boxes) and they seem to blend in with everything else. So what do we do? As we approach the door handle, we think to ourselves:

“Oh, what does that say? Oh wait, I don’t need to bother reading anything. I got what I want from this restaurant, I’m happy. I’m loving life. And why bother to double check if the red octagon sign reads “STOP” on the way home. I am too good for this.”

Pop. Rattle.

The door won’t open.

So what to do? You pulled on the door and it didn’t open. Now you would think you know what the obvious thing to do in this situation is, but no ladies and gentlemen. We look around nervously to see if anybody saw our mistake and then we pull again.

Ha ha. Stubborn door.

If you’re with someone else at the moment, they are the best reminder that the best option to get yourselves out of the restaurant alive, you must push instead. Of course, this other person has no idea of what you’re going through! You have better things to think about at the moment,

“Did anybody see me?” and sometimes we even consider that the door might be broken.

 

 

 

Why can’t we just have revolving doors everywhere?

 

 

Now let’s get serious.

There are probably real reasons why we are always pushing instead of pulling. I mean, pushing is a lot easier than pulling (unless you’re a tow truck), but what I believe is a better reason that accounts for this situation is that the words look too much alike. PUSH and PULL are both four-letter words, they both begin with P, their second letter is U and they take up the same amount of space on a sign. It’s almost as those freeway signs (those of us in Los Angeles, know what I’m talking about). The words NORTH and SOUTH look the same and it can be the cause of missing the on-ramp.

To finalize, here is a real tip for you to remember next time you are approaching a door handle. It has been proven over and over, with very few exceptions; so you should be good for about 90% of the time:

If the door handle is vertical, it means pull. If the door handle is horizontal (bar), it means push. (If anybody thinks of a clever way to remember this, please let me know)

Fine print: This tip does not apply to automatic doors, car doors, or revolving doors.

I was trying to find a picture to give you a visual of this, but I had no luck. I’ll snap a couple of pictures next time I’m out. While people awkwardly look at me.

34. Getting locked out of your home

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I lived in the dorms in my early college years. That’s where I gained a ton of friends and got to know many students. I spent two years and one summer living in a 250-resident building, sharing five toilets and 4 showers with 45 other students.

Yeah, it sounds cool but its not as awesome as what I was able to manage throughout those seven quarters (not semesters) living on campus: I managed to only get locked out of my room once. 

My story isn’t as interesting as the one I read on Sandi’s ahhsome blog. Actually, mine isn’t interesting at all… hmm. Oh I know, I’ll tell you someone else’s locked-out experience instead:

I was a Resident Advisor in the dorms for an academic year and a summer, so I learned to really dislike it when people got locked out of their rooms. And they would always get locked out at very inappropriate times; in the middle of the night, early morning, while I was in the shower, you name it. One of these times, I was hanging out with one of my friends who didn’t live in the dorms. He was thinking about moving in. He asked,

“Does anything interesting ever happen around here?”

“Not really. . .” I responded

“Any girl stories?”

Just as he said that, I heard a loud knocking on my door and a girl yelling out my name. I ran to the door, and opened it. A girl from down the hall, named Marie, ran inside, and closed the door behind her and just stood there looking at me. I was looking back at her in surprise. She was extremely embarrassed. This young woman was wearing nothing but a towel and had wet hair dripping down her face.

I turned to look at my friend, sitting on my futon. He was nodding his head and trying to hold in his laughter at the same time.

“I’m locked out of my room and I’m late for class!” she said to me.

“How did it happen?” I asked back. You see, as RA’s we’re supposed to hassle students in order to keep them from locking themselves out again.

“It wasn’t my fault.” she said.

Yeah, it is never their fault. Almost every student has a very good excuse to get locked out, and its usually never their faults. Did they leave their keys inside? Yes. But it’s still not their fault. I decided to save her the trouble, I mean poor girl, she was late and in a towel. But how can it not be her fault? She forgot and forgetting is not her problem? Then who is there to blame? I let her in her room after fetching the master key, and she never looked at me in the eye since then, I guess she felt too awkward.

Ahh.. memories. I remember the only time I got locked out.. it wasn’t that embarrassing. Someone was throwing blank CDs like Frisbee’s in the hall and I stepped out to see who it was when the wind decided to shut my door.

It wasn’t my fault.

Image source

22. Public restrooms

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Some restrooms at smaller places, such as coffee shops, usually are Single Rider restrooms. This particular type of restroom only has a one person limit with one toilet, one sink, one of everything. They’re very comfortable, actually. Not having to deal with stalls, or making eye contact with other people and no need to follow urinal laws.

The experience, however, has a different side to it; a very uncomfortable one.

After having to hold it for a while, you finally find a restroom and head right in. You poop (while checking your email, new text messages, perhaps play a short Angry Birds session on your iPhone, you know, the usual), and feel very relaxed. Suddenly, you hear something unexpected.

A knock on the door startles you and then you begin to feel the pressure. That’s right, friend. That is one of the sacrifices we must make in order to enjoy the luxury of one of these restrooms. At this moment, you must say something, otherwise this gives the person waiting full right to attempt to open the door. A typical response is “BUSY!” That should keep them away; well maybe just a couple of meters from the door anyway.

It can be very uncomfortable to be rushed when you’re taking care of business to know that someone is waiting for you to finish. It might even cut off the drive you had built up. Once you finish though, follow post-restroom protocol please. Fortunately for you, there is a quick way to remember what to do before you leave the restroom. Just remember C.H.I.T.

C- Cover. The seat cover must’ve flushed. Oh and make sure its not stuck to your pants. It doesn’t only happen in movies, trust me.

H- Hair. Leaving hair on the toilet seat or anywhere in the sink is just not cool, please remove it.

I- Instruments. Make sure that all bathroom equipment is fully functional, and that your poop has left the toilet bowl.

T- Toilet paper. All soiled paper must be properly disposed of.

What this acronym will not save you from, though, is the awkwardness that comes after leaving the restroom and having an encounter with the person that was waiting. The last thing they saw before they stepped into restroom was your face, and their objective as soon as they step in is to assess the environment, primarily the odor.

You might encounter people that leave restrooms saying:

“Uh, yeah.. you don’t want to go in there.”

“I dropped a bomb, heads up.”

“..sorry..”  Or they might just smile at you.

I’m still not sure which one of those is most awkward, but they’re all pretty high up there. Don’t worry though, usually people that are willing to wait for you outside of the restroom probably have to use it badly, so they won’t mind the smell that much (unless its toxic), but they will mind anything on the CHIT list.

 Image sources: Top, bottom

#10 Running for the bus

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Have you ever dropped a napkin while you’re eating at an outdoor table, like at a park, or at the patio section of a restaurant? One of the things about being outdoors, besides it being awesome, is that there is always light breezes that are pretty much unpredictable. Here is the scenario:

You drop the napkin. Depending on your personality, you will either attempt to pick it up immediately, or look at it and reach to get it with your shoe a couple of seconds after (sometimes even without looking). Supposing you are reaching for it, a light wind comes by and takes it a little further from you. At this point, you might stand up and reach for it again, but hesitate because another breeze can come by and take it farther, just as you reach for it. Of course, you can give the poor napkin an evil glare and then reach for it, it might keep it in place.

Running for the bus has the same effect. You see it there, “waiting for you”. But as you approach it the doors close. Will it still wait for you once it sees you?

I’ve seen plenty of people run for the bus, and just as they are one bus-length away from it, it leaves. Then they just end up feeling all awkward. We all saw you miss the bus. Some of us feel sorry for you while others might be laughing. We just don’t know what people will do in this world. Apparently we don’t know what buses or napkins will do either.

If you see the bus waiting there, decide if you want to go for it or not, and then do it! Soon after you miss the bus, just don’t make eye contact with anybody, and if someone choses to yell out the window “sucks for you, man!” which I’ve heard a million times, don’t flip them off, just laugh and be cool about it. Pretend like it happens to you all the time.