You know, starting a new relationship means having to learn how to fart silently once again. [Read more…] about 68. Farting in front of your partner for the first time
Literally bumping heads.
You see, things that we consider to be peculiar, or awkward are typically things that don’t happen very often. If they happened all of the time, we would become used to them and therefore not find them interesting anymore. I’m not sure if many people can relate to this one, but I’ll give it a shot anyway.
Sometimes it happens when you’re about to take a picture. You both lean toward each other and Bump! there it is. [Read more…] about 66. Bumping heads
You’ve spoken on the phone before. It is usually safe to assume that you and the person on the other line are having a private conversation, and that nobody is listening in on what you two are talking about, right?
And lets admit it, some of those conversations are really supposed to be kept private. You may talk about how ugly someone looked in their outfit that day, or about how much you wish that your roommate would wear pants every once in a while. You can say rude things about other people, you can spill secrets, and confess who you really like over the phone to your closest friend; something you would like no one else to know or else, as some people might put it, your “life would be over”.
I was hanging out with a good friend (Angie) a couple of years ago, when she got a phone call from her boyfriend.
Tom: Hey Ang, how are you doing today? You forgot to call last night.
Angie: I’m alright, I’m actually hanging out with Ed right now.
Tom: You’ve been hanging out with that guy a lot recently, is anything going on? Hasn’t his girlfriend broken up with him yet?
Angie: Babe, you’re on speaker.
Angie: . . .
Tom: Well, um. . .
Angie: Yeah. . .
Tom: Uh. . . hi Edwin! How’s it going man? Wait, can he hear me?
Me: Yeah, I can hear you.
Tom: Great. That’s uh, great dude. So yeah man. . uhh. . .ahem.
And I’ll let you imagine the rest of the awkward conversation.
Have you ever mentioned something that you didn’t want someone else to hear while your friend had you on speaker?
…When it is too late.
La la la. . . going to the bathroom can be an enjoyable thing for certain people. They’ve come up with different names for that very important task. Heck, there is even a Toilet Paper Day (August 26th)! Anyway, it isn’t only known as “pooping” anymore, it is also known as many other things now. Taking a dump, dropping a bomb, releasing the brownies, dropping the kids off at the pool, unloading the truck. Plus some other ones that include stronger language.
They always do this. Why!?
It is the first day of school, and your best friend is not in your biology class. Bummer. Oh well, you’ll make new friends. . . though you’re not very sure of how this happens but you do know that eventually you will end up knowing a lot of people and becoming good friends with some of them.
So you greet the person next to you, and think to yourself: Awesome, I know one person in this classroom, yeah! But then your teacher decides to set up her seating chart and put you next to another set of complete strangers, making you start the greeting people thing all over again.
“Alright, students. I’d like you now to find a partner and try to discuss the problem on the board.”
You look to your left, then to your right. People awkwardly looking at each other to see who will end up with who makes the situation extra tense. Are people staring at you? No, they’re looking for a partner. Now you don’t get to casually meet people around you; you are now forced to interact and let your first conversation ever be about the structure of a cell, instead of talking about Maroon 5 even though you are wearing that band’s T-shirt, how unfortunate.
Some people don’t find partners, others end up fighting over a person, and some people might just end up together because nobody wanted to partner up with them. Sucks, huh?
Sometimes though, you get lucky. A friendly person around you might just look at you and smile to say “Hey, want to be my partner?” and only then, my friends, life is good. Are you that person? You are awesome!
I have to tell you about a situation that happened with a friend of mine. While a friend and her family were in the living room together, her mom looked through a book about sex for couples. This would’ve been fine, except her mom decided to comment on the book.
‘This book has a lot of good points, but they forgot one thing: the usage of toys for women who can’t have orgasms during sex. I’m one of them.’
According to my friend, her dad was just there not saying anything. Awkward.
– – – – – – –
I know what some of you might be thinking.
Edwin, I don’t believe this is awkward. My parents and I talk about this topic all of the time and we’re all very mature about it and and and…
Alright, then use this post to find out what the other 97% of the population thinks.
Well, Trees. .
Yes definitely awkward. What is a person supposed to say when a parent begins to talk about such a topic? Nobody wants to think about their parents doing it no matter how old you are. When sex gets brought up in a conversation and your parents talk about it, it can be a pretty uncomfortable situation. I’m curious to know how the rest of the conversation went, or if her dad ever said anything about it though.
Talk about awkward. . what do you guys think?
Me: Hello! Hi!
Me: *Waves hand*
Me: *Jumps up and down waving both hands*
You: (You wave back)
Me: *Gives you a weird expression*
You: (Feels awkward)
Easy. Just keep it cool and . . ha! Just kidding. That’s awkward, there’s no one way to deal with it.
1) Pretend it never happened.
2) Give them the stink eye.
3) Pretend like there is someone behind them that YOU are waving at and make them believe that the joke was on them.
You might even want to shout something at the imaginary person some distance behind them. Be like “How’s it going, man?!” Of course, situation number 3 would work out fine if you were in a somewhat crowded area; you don’t want the person to turn around and see nothing but his shadow behind him. At that time, he will assume that you have some issue that requires immediate attention.
Some people try to prevent such an event from happening by doing the whole “Are you talking to me?” expression (the one in which you point at yourself and make a strangely surprised facial expression and make it seem like you’re saying something but instead you let out a mixture of a whisper and a mumble that sounds nothing like “Are you talking to me?”). At that time, the person doing the waving might shake their head and let you know that they are not talking to you, and everything goes back to normal.
I like the “talking to an imaginary person” idea better though.
[Thanks The Girlfriend]
Here is the scenario:
You’re at a sushi bar with a couple of friends, enjoying the raw fish, rice and all the other cool stuff you can find at a place like that. After a while, the conversation dies down a little which hints that a change of topic is necessary. Certain people are better at it than others, because some people just have interesting things to talk about. Well what if there are two interesting people at the table that notice the sudden death of a conversation and want bring forth a new one?
That’s you. YOU are one of the interesting, awesome people. And suddenly you want to talk about how your car broke down and the mechanic messed it up even more. But your friend wants to talk about his ex-girlfriend going out with his brother now. Here’s what it would sound like:
“So I can’t believe freakin’ mechanic she’s going out with made it worse with my brother!”
And other times, neither of them wants to talk! Suddenly the battle of you-go begins:
“So I can’t believe freakin— oh.”
“No, you go. I was going to say something dumb.”
“Well I forgot what I was going to say anyway.”
Great, so neither of them will say anything. And, we’re back to square one. Both people might turn away and leave you with a dead conversation. Once more.
“Alright guys, gather up! We’re going to take a picture!”
And that’s the call. People begin to scramble looking for the first camera to pose for, and then the whole crowd begins to get together for the camera pose. A confusing time indeed; you have the really tall people, and the short ones, the big ones and the small ones trying to get their faces to show on the picture.
And just when you think it can’t get any more confusing, it does. Suddenly people begin to give their own cameras to the dude taking the picture because they want their own picture. Don’t they realize that it will be the same thing? It’s called sharing. Oh but wait, there’s more:
Now more photographers arrive and it is now time for the picture.. err, pictures. Trying not to blink for one picture is hard enough, so trying to keep your eyes wide open and the fake smile looking real for that long takes a lot of skill.
Despite all this confusion over one single photo shoot, the main question is always:
“Which camera do I freakin’ look at?”
There are three or four of them and everybody is looking at a different one! I wonder if that’s how celebrities feel. . awkward.