Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

funny

Not texting someone back and then seeing them in person

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Who here has a habit of keeping their phone on silent mode, or at least telling the whole world that you do because you don’t reply to text messages right away? Do you guys know that little “Read” option that iMessage has?

Read Receipt iMessage
Read Receipt from iMessage

It literally tells the other person if you’ve read their message or not. I think it says a lot about a person when they have that notification on. However, I’ve found that this thing causes a lot more trouble when it is on because I read a message, I say “Uh huh,” to myself, and then I go back to Netflix and then… I get another message, or grunts (when I meet up with the friend), that I never reply to messages. I mean, HELLO! You got a notification that I read your freakin’ message already, that should be good enough, right?

No.

I’ve considered just replying with a message that says “I read this.” I mean, especially when all the message said was “Hey dude I’m eating a burrito that looks like my exes’ dog lol” What in the world am I supposed to reply to that?

Anyway, I’ve bumped into friends that ask me if I’ve changed my number just to poke at the idea that I didn’t reply to their messages. The truth is, sometimes I just don’t reply because I forget.

No really, I forget to reply because I read the message while I’m doing something like brushing my teeth or frying an egg, or out with friends. What happens is, I see the message.. and if it requires a reply: “Hey, I need your advice with something real quick, my girlfriend caught me checking out her mom.” (awkward), I’ll give an answer. If it is something like “hey wuts up” I just let it slide down the priority list while I finish the chapter of the book I’m reading. Next thing you know, it has been a week and I haven’t told that person “what is actually up” so I feel like a jerk.

Do you reply to your messages right away, every time?

Nooo.. seriously, guys. Do you?

5. When you push instead of pull (a door)

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This probably won’t be the last post about doors. These magnificent inventions have been around for a very long time and yet we cannot seem to fully understand them. We have awkward automatic doors [post coming up soon], we misunderstand what proper door etiquette really is, and the most popular human error: understanding the  push/pull signs.

These signs are usually posted on doors, but I can definitely see why people miss them. They are usually small, and the font usually is adjusted to fit in with the overall theme of the establishment (C’mon people, imagine the word “pull” spelled out in the font that is used on the Chinese food “kari out” boxes) and they seem to blend in with everything else. So what do we do? As we approach the door handle, we think to ourselves:

“Oh, what does that say? Oh wait, I don’t need to bother reading anything. I got what I want from this restaurant, I’m happy. I’m loving life. And why bother to double check if the red octagon sign reads “STOP” on the way home. I am too good for this.”

Pop. Rattle.

The door won’t open.

So what to do? You pulled on the door and it didn’t open. Now you would think you know what the obvious thing to do in this situation is, but no ladies and gentlemen. We look around nervously to see if anybody saw our mistake and then we pull again.

Ha ha. Stubborn door.

If you’re with someone else at the moment, they are the best reminder that the best option to get yourselves out of the restaurant alive, you must push instead. Of course, this other person has no idea of what you’re going through! You have better things to think about at the moment,

“Did anybody see me?” and sometimes we even consider that the door might be broken.

 

 

 

Why can’t we just have revolving doors everywhere?

 

 

Now let’s get serious.

There are probably real reasons why we are always pushing instead of pulling. I mean, pushing is a lot easier than pulling (unless you’re a tow truck), but what I believe is a better reason that accounts for this situation is that the words look too much alike. PUSH and PULL are both four-letter words, they both begin with P, their second letter is U and they take up the same amount of space on a sign. It’s almost as those freeway signs (those of us in Los Angeles, know what I’m talking about). The words NORTH and SOUTH look the same and it can be the cause of missing the on-ramp.

To finalize, here is a real tip for you to remember next time you are approaching a door handle. It has been proven over and over, with very few exceptions; so you should be good for about 90% of the time:

If the door handle is vertical, it means pull. If the door handle is horizontal (bar), it means push. (If anybody thinks of a clever way to remember this, please let me know)

Fine print: This tip does not apply to automatic doors, car doors, or revolving doors.

I was trying to find a picture to give you a visual of this, but I had no luck. I’ll snap a couple of pictures next time I’m out. While people awkwardly look at me.

Being around that one person who always seems to have body odor

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This post is not meant to be mean.

But seriously.

A few years ago, I was riding in the backseat of a car looking outside at the trees and the way that the sunlight looked through the moving trees. It was a nice moment… when suddenly it starts smelling like armpit.

The person who was sitting in front of me had rolled down her window and decided to enjoy the day by making fish motions with her hand along with the wind outside of her window. Do you guys know what I’m talking about? Like you pretend that your hand is a fish or a plane and you let the wind lift and drop your hand or move it side to side to feel the stream of air around your skin?

If you don’t get it, too bad!

So the air was flowing up her arm, to her armpit, and shooting straight back to where I was sitting.. filling up the backseat with stinky smells.

I didn’t know what to say, I knew this person very well and had known her for a long time so being all like, “hey yo.. so like, deodorant.. yeah” would be just plain weird considering that she had smelled that way since I’ve known her but had kinda gotten used to it.

See, some people just don’t use deodorant and they are so used to the smell of armpits that they think its weird that you’re bringing it up.

And you’d think they would notice that they smell bad and do something about it. I mean I’ve gone as far as pretending like its me, smelling my own armpits, and saying

“Nope, not me.”

But it doesn’t work.

Jeez. How do I let them know? Or should I just let them be?

Do you know anyone like that? If you do, just casually link them up to this post 🙂

 

Thank you so much for reading! To catch up on more awkward moments, please click to follow this blog on WordPress, or give me a shoutout on Twitter.

When your spoon gets swallowed up by your soup

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Have you ever been eating soup all relaxed, or maybe during a first date (so super nervous), and leave your spoon leaning against the wall of your bowl, when IT happens?

The spoon becomes alive as it tries to escape, and you see it fall slowly, slowly, until it disappears underneath all of that tomato or pasta or veggies or ketchup (uh, what kind of soup are you eating?).

Your spoon has been swallowed up. It just fell right down. But now here is the moment of truth:

What the heck do you do?

You can try to stick your hand in there and get it out, but this isn’t cereal we’re talking about. See, with cereal, anything goes –but not with soup. That thing is hot, yo. Its also kinda really gross to stick your hand in something warm or hot. Tell me how many times have you ever done that?

I saw this happen just yesterday while I was out eating with a friend. I saw her expression as the spoon slowly disappeared into the abyss, and she just said “Oh no!” but left it. She didn’t continue eating her soup, and instead asked the waiter to put it in a container and took it home. I think she forgot that her spoon was still somewhere in that bowl, hidden under egg and drop (okay, egg drop soup is just.. egg.. right?.. or.. wait, never mind).

That waiter must have been surprised to see the spoon in there. But hey, if he didn’t notice.. woo! Free spoon. 🙂

Everyone Here Has The Runs

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Around the hostel where I am staying, people are beginning to say that there is a curse because lots of us are getting sick. Getting diarrhea stops you from doing lots of things, but most importantly…

Pooping in a shared hostel stay is awkward

Imagine hearing gases and liquids and solids coming out of someone’s body in the middle of the night?

Fortunately I just have small sore throat issue and just cough all night, waking everyone else up, but at least its not all super awkward.

Do you have any tips or ideas on how to make this situation better for our diarrhea friends?

Read more about my travel stuff here: OneWayTicketPlease.com

158. When no more plates fit on your table at a restaurant

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Have you ever considered asking the table next to yours if they’re going to use all of the space on the table? No?

Oh.

When I go eat with my parents, its usually for breakfast at a Mexican diner type of thing. My mom enjoys trying different types of food, so she makes sure that we all pick a different type of food, so we can all try each other’s food. I’m used to it by now, people eating out of my plate, and my dog has tried to take advantage of that several times.
But aside from everything coming in enormous portions, they also come with side plates. A plate for your toast, for your pancakes, for your soup, and for any dipping sauces. And since its a Mexican restaurant, your salsa. Now take into consideration that your food will come in large oval plates, and that there is also a ketchup bottle, a napkin thingy, salt and pepper, sugar packets, jam little container things, creamer, and more hot sauce… these guys should really adopt those holder things that make your table a double decker type of thing, have you ever seem the pizza holders? They’re like a metal rack type of thing. So that your plates can go under the darn thing.
Anyway, so it seems like we have a bit of a space issue there.
And then there you are sitting in front of an entire table full of food and think that everyone else is staring at your table. I once had to put the toast next to me on the booth seat. The waitress laughed at me.
The takeaway: either learn to balance food on top of other food, or tell the waitress you need a table for 6 when there are only three of you.
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Speaking of food, I just spent 11 bucks on a chicken sandwich from a Burger King at an airport. How have you been ripped off at airports?
I’m launching my

NEW BLOG

soon.

Get a sneak peek at One Way Ticket, Please to tell me what you think about it, please! The link takes you straight to my about page to find out a little more who I am and what the website is about. Be sure to enter your email on the thingy so we can keep in touch on there!

 

158. When your friend is being confrontational and you don't know what to do

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I was sitting outside of a study room back in college eating with a very dear friend and coworker, when an Asian dude comes by and starts smoking a cigarette right next to us. We are outdoors so of course I think its somewhat legal to do so, but I should’ve known that in the state of California there is a law that says you have to be at least 25 feet away from a building.

My friend definitely knew this. So imagine a girl with blonde hair, with salad still in her mouth, stand up and tell the guy:

“Uh, excuse me, I’m trying to eat here, can you go smoke farther away from the building?”

Horse - Haters gonna hate

This guy didn’t look mean, but he gave her a look that made her nudge like she was about to stand up.

He just nervously smiled and backed away toward some steps and leaned against a tree.

What the heck was that about? I have been in many situations where a friend of mine gets confrontational with someone else while I’m right there, pretending like I’m somewhere in-between “yeah, I’ll back you up,” and “shut up, dummy. You’re going to get us both beat up.”

Have you been in similar situations? Check the list:

  • Your friend is driving and decides to honk at someone else, and later the car pulls up on your right and look right at you.
  • Someone has cut in line in front of you and your friend doesn’t decide to just be quiet and make a nod of “WTF?” acknowledgement to the guy behind you.. but instead tells the cutter “Hey! There’s a line!”
  • The restaurant gets your order wrong and your friend decides to tell the waiter to get the manager instead of just clearing it up with the waiter himself. Cringe.
  • Some stranger on the street whistles or cat calls somehow the friend you are walking with and she (or he) decides to tell him (or her) off and adds a little sass to it.

Jeez.

What do you guys think?

Please share your experiences in the comments below!

157. When someone lies to you and you know they're lying

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Special note for bloggers at the foot of this post.

Not long ago, I asked a friend if she had gotten my email because I hadn’t heard back… to which she replied that she didn’t have email on her phone.

And then I reminded her that she was the one who told me to get email notifications on my phone because they were very useful. She had also read part of an email that she got to me, out loud, while she was next to me in the car.

“But, I know you have email on your phone. What’s going on?”

“Uh. Um, not really.”

“You don’t really have email on your phone?”

She didn’t admit it that she was lying to me, but I didn’t want to push it. How do you feel when someone lies to you?

Cheerios

Ohhhhhhh!

An old roommate used to disconnect the internet router because the lights bothered him at night, and one time over the phone I asked him to turn it back on, and he said it was already on.. and I even heard him stand up flick a switch, and just then the internet started working again (I knew when it came back on because I kept refreshing my StumbleUpon page).

I said “Oh, I guess it was just my laptop”

So awkward.

What are you supposed to do? Play along? I guess that’s an option. I want to know what you do. Hit me up on Twitter, or add a comment below!

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Attention fellow bloggers! I need some help. I’m launching a new blog/project next week and would like to know if any of you are interested in letting me be YOUR GUEST in a blog post 🙂 Your free new content can be in the form of a short blog post from me on any topic, or an interview (ask me anything!) to post on your blog, even if your readership consists of just your mom and that stalker from back in high school. I just discovered guest blogging, and it’s super easy, even if you’ve never done it before. Awesome way to network. Contact me for details on Twitter, or on my email edwincov at gmail (dot) com. I have room for about 5 different blogs, so let me know if you’re interested!

My dog makes it awkward at dog parks

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So I took my dog to the dog park the other day.

My awkward dog

There he is taking over my bed and sleeping in it. His name is Jax, and he follows me absolutely everywhere. You’ve probably seen him on my Instagram page, back when he really needed a haircut. He’s friendly, and he likes to sleep.

He doesn’t get to hang out with other dogs very much because he doesn’t like to go outside unless he really needs to poop. And I mean really needs to poop. He runs outside, spins in circles about three times and lets the beat drop.

The thing about dog parks is that the dog owners feel like the dogs are their children and sometimes they get super protective of them. Then it gets awkward.

The dogs that enter and then drop a deuce are probably the funniest of them all. And then a chain of three dogs come by to inspect the poop and approve of it before the owner comes by and picks it up with a flimsy blue bag.

My dog might be a bully because he walks up to big dogs, or brown dogs, and starts barking uncontrollably. He also runs around in circles around it. It is really embarrassing.

My other dog, Peewee, enjoys humping other dogs and owners have walked up to him to pull him away. I just pretend he’s not mine. It doesn’t help that he’s deaf.. (oh, poor dog!)

Have you ever taken your dog to a dog park or a dog beach? Any awkward moments for me?