Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

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iPhone's New Politically Correct Emoji Awkwardness

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Every once in a while, pretty much every day, I get a new update notification for one of my devices. A phone update, a software update, or a notification somewhere to download something to make life better. Apple just recently updated my iPhone with a new layout for those emoji icons, and I noticed something cool: there are hands for white people, yellow people, brown people, black people, red people, blue people, and purple people. Just kidding, not that many colors.

iPhone's new emoji icons with colored handsI think it is pretty cool stuff. Now I get to use a brown “thumbs up” emoticon because if I use another color, people will think that I am trying to be someone that I’m not.

They also made gay couple ones, and a bunch of other kinds. I still haven’t discovered all of them just yet, but I noticed that they added more flags of the world. There is a Mexican flag now, woo! Go Mexico!

Though yes, they may be opening up a door for those people who like to complain about everything, they might say that Apple discriminates because they didn’t match their correct skin color, or that they’re missing a bowl of Fruit Loops on there because it is their favorite kind of cereal.

I found one of these really cool, I like the running people:

FullSizeRender-2

But okay, seriously what is up with the horse rider. They all look the same to me:

FullSizeRenderOops, was that racist?

I’m kidding guys. But seriously, don’t they all look the same?

19 Ways To Make It Awkward

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1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair  Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “In.”

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Sexual Favors”

7. Finish All Your Sentences With “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”

8. Don’t Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party because You’re Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won! I Won!”

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling

“Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”

Smelling your clothes to check if they're clean

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Alright, so when I was a kid I remember my mom coming into my room and asking me why my clothes were all over the place, and why I didn’t use that basket thingy she got for the dirty clothes, and why I always needed batteries for my GameBoy, and to go outside and play, and.. well a bunch of other stuff, right? I guess its what mothers do. I could handle a lot of those questions, which I would just answer with a “just cuz, mom,” (yeah I was one of those kids), but one thing that made me use the dirty clothes’ basket thing, was that my mom would sort out what was clean and what wasn’t clean by sniffing it.

And MAN did it make me uncomfortable.

Dirty socks? *Sniff* yep, dirty.

Dirty shirt? *Sniff* hmm, smells okay.. *sniffs from the armpit area* nope. Dirty.

Dirty pants? *Sniff, from the crotch area* …

MOM! Please! Okay.

I guess that motivated me to also want to start doing my own laundry, to which every once in a while I still find myself tempted to sniff my armpit parts of the clothes to see if its dirty or not. Sometimes its just a check to see if I can wear it again without stinking up an elevator or scaring away my stranger bus seat partners. I mean, washing your clothes after a single wear seems like a waste of water, especially if all you did was put them on just to go to Safeway and take them off as soon as you come back home and put The Walking Dead back on Netflix and heat up your microwave pizza.

Maybe smell checking is normal.

*sniff*

What do you think?

Think About Your Favorite Movies, Then Read This

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So people usually have this crazy reaction when they hear that I don’t particularly like watching movies. They almost seem offended when they find out that I haven’t seen Star Wars or Harry Potter films. It isn’t that I don’t like movies.. I just don’t like watching them.

Now you get it?

I didn’t think so. Let’s just pretend I made a very compelling argument right there and pretend to be convinced.

I really like stories, in books and in conversations. I like them in movies too, but I watch movies in pieces because it is difficult for me to be guided entirely by a screen where my mind has no wiggle room. Explosion here, the sound of steps in an empty hallway there. I would know exactly what a character’s voice sounds like and that’s weird to me. No mystery, no questioning. Were stories really meant to be told like that?

Anyway, I would like to welcome myself back into this blog.

*applause*

Alright. Cool.

The question of the day is:

If you were stranded on an island, and you could bring with you 5 movies, which movies would they be?