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Awkward moments and more weird stuff

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155. Waking up before everyone else after sleeping over somewhere

May 30, 2014 by Edwin C. 3 Comments

Have you ever spent the night somewhere, and have woken up way before the person who invited you over?

What are you supposed to do? I mean, they probably won’t be up for another couple of hours, but you just can’t go back to sleep in this strange home. Aside from wiping off drool and folding up your sheets and stuff, I’ve come up with a few things you can do. Check it out:

1. Open their fridge – Just to see what they have in there. You might find some free-for-all leftovers in there.

2. Check the medicine cabinet – I never open this stuff when I’m at someone else’s house, but do I get curious? Heck yeah!

mr-bean-face-703x350

3. Try to drop something or make a noise to make them wake up – Make sure you make it seem like an accident though.

4. Go poop – It is the perfect time to do so.

5. Air out the bathroom – See previous.

stinky

6. Watch your friend sleep – Just kidding.

7. Leave – Without saying bye or anything. They’ll get the memo.

What the heck though seriously. I feel awkward staying over at other people’s places, usually I just sit there and check my email, or text back a few people. What else is there to do?

Filed Under: Awkward Moments Tagged With: awkward, funny, humor, life, random, thoughts

154. Looking at your drop of spit fly through the air as you're talking

May 27, 2014 by Edwin C. 1 Comment

Some people are notorious for spitting when they speak. I notice every single one of those occasions. Someone is showing you how to correct the formula on your Excel file, and then suddenly, they stop, wipe their mouth, and then a tiny drop of spit from your screen that has since been illuminated by a rainbow of colorful pixels from your monitor.

20140526-235942-86382886.jpg

Most of the time people pretend to not notice it, but I only do that if the other person does it while we’re eating. I just really do it for my own sake, I don’t want to imagine that tiny foamy droplet flying into my mashed potatoes, even though the chef was probably singing to some Mexican music and spitting to his heart’s content back in the kitchen.

See? I’m better off not knowing.

What do you do in those situations?

Filed Under: Awkward Moments Tagged With: awkward, funny, humor, jokes, life, random

152. Quitting your job

May 26, 2014 by Edwin C. 3 Comments

Giving an official notice to leave something is awkward. How do you tell your awesome manager that you’re leaving? It feels like breaking up, and they never expect it.

I’ve quit jobs by both on the spot, and with adequate notice. Few have felt nice, but some have been really bad to leave. You’d be surprised!

i-am-quitting

I quit working at a fast food restaurant by giving my two week notice, and without any sign of me leaving. I had gotten a little award thing for saying my lines and behaving properly when customers would get pissed. When I told my manager, I felt horrible for creating the trouble of finding a new person to cover, since the whole hiring process kinda sucks for hiring managers. He looked at me, and I told him I left my letter on his desk. It didn’t feel all satisfying, like people usually say it feels like.

chickencrappyjob

I worked at the office of a huge douche lawyer, and as soon as I got my check (no lag time), I left. I also left the reports that he wanted ready for him on his desk, sorted by alphabetical order, and to a really high level of detail. When I didn’t return, he called me, and I didn’t answer. He was a pretty screwed up guy. That actually felt really cool.

But how do you work at a place that has your two-weeks notice already? Isn’t it weird? Do you have any awesome quitting stories?

 

Filed Under: Awkward Moments Tagged With: awkward, funny, humor, jobs, life, random, relationships, thoughts, work

Mm, mm. Good.

May 13, 2014 by Edwin C. 2 Comments

20140512-221351.jpg

Oh, wait.

What does it mean if I automatically thought that was fried chicken?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, dogs, food, funny, funny pictures, humor

7 Most Awkward Meals to Eat on Your First Date

April 24, 2014 by Edwin C. 11 Comments

First dates are awkward enough already. Trying to find something to talk about, trying to leave a good impression, and making sure that there is no cilantro on your teeth are some of the basics. But if you want to step out of the “he orders a steak, she orders a salad” type of thing, make sure you don’t step out too far and enter.. The Awkward Zone.

Let’s get started:

DSC_2377-taqueria-burrito

7. The Burrito – Well, maybe some people out there may find burrito-eating attractive.

mae10

6. Spicy Soups – Runny noses, sniffles, and red eyes are not going to impress your date. Unless you can handle it without having to blow your nose halfway through, avoid super spicy stuff in general.

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5. Chicken Wings – Oh, that is beautiful.

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4. Things With Eyes On It – I was trying to add a picture of a pig’s head on here, but I couldn’t. It just looks like murder. Oh man, I can’t believe people can just eat stuff with eyes. That is actually one of my secrets, by the way. I have a very tough time eating something with eyes on it, even fish and shrimp. Having an animal on your plate is harsh enough.

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3. Smelly Stuff – If it has been fermented, has strong garlic, or any other lingering stink smell, avoid it for a while. Those do not go away overnight. Literally speaking.

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2. Things That Require a Double Dip – The famous egg roll. There is a reason why people opt for the mini version of these. Some couples are all into double dipping into the dressings and dips, but other people absolutely hate it. Sucks, so much sauce goes to waste.. man..

cheese-cracker-crunchy-food-indulging-Favim.com-364697

1. Extra Crunchy Foods – I don’t mind the sound of crunchy foods, but I have heard this from many people in the past. And during a first date, where they can be a lot of awkward silences, crunching sounds taking over may not be the best idea. If you’re at a loud bar or restaurant, go for it.

 

What are some foods that you would NOT recommend to people on their first date?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, food, funny, humor, humour, life, love, relationships

Failing at Things

December 2, 2013 by Edwin C. 1 Comment

Have you ever said “leetle” instead of “little” or something similar?

When you mispronounce something, you will get teased for a little bit. You just have to take it. It happens sometimes though, sort of like when you’re writing and the next word begins with the letter that the previous letter ends with and you…

Oh, right, let me explain:

Suppose you’re taking notes and the lecturer says “Many green ninjas.” Because of some weird supernatural phenomenon, you will be tempted to write “many gree ninjas”. Maybe it’s just me.

It isn’t that you forgot how to write, or how to speak… you just messed up. People fail at common things all the time, like eating ice cream.

 

Just sitting there.

And falling.

Of course you can also take something common and make awesome, like this guy:

 

Happy Monday!

 

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, fail, funny, GIF, humor, people

Will you be paying together or separately? (Part 1 of 2)

November 25, 2013 by Edwin C. 16 Comments

Talk about putting you on the spot.

I was out with a couple of new friends I had met at a bookstore, and eventually the group of five people turned into two: me and a brown-eyed girl with long dark hair. We talked about coffee and shared our views on unconscious cues that people give off. Both of us being deeply interested in human behavior, we had lots to talk about. It was around six o’clock in the evening, and the sidewalk was getting a bit crowded, so we stopped by a coffee shop that either sold really bad coffee, or was operating illegally because it was empty from what we could see from the outside. We walked in.

Sometimes you don’t know how to order at a new place, you know? Some people let you pay once you get your drink, others you pay up front, you can open up a tab, you can stuff your face and then pay later.. it can get quite confusing. The barista was cleaning something in the sink and asked what she could get for us, so I ordered a house coffee, and Megan ordered a latte with some other italian sounding words.

“It’ll be ready in a minute, guys! For here, or to go?”

I looked over to signal that we’re going to be heading out, and she looked directly at me and walks over to the cash register, wiping her hands on a towel. I walked over, and took out my wallet.

“Where are you guys coming from?”

“A bookstore,” I reply, “the one two blocks down, on Fourth.”

I handed her a ten dollar bill, and she held it without doing anything else. She looked at me and then at Megan. Then she asked, “Will you be paying together, or separately?”

Megan looked over, and stood up. I turned toward Megan.

“It’s OK, this one’s on me.”

“No, no. It’s OK.”

I looked at the barista, Kelly, her name tag read, and motioned her to accept it. Looking over my shoulder, Kelly opens her eyes widely toward Megan and says “Would you like to pay separately, honey?”

Megan froze. She looked at me, and then at Kelly.

Awkward.

I turned around toward Kelly and said, “It’s fine, just take my money,” trying to sound as casual as possible even the though I was awkwarded out.

Kelly waited for Megan to say something.

What was happening? Why was this such a big deal? I made an obviously confused facial expression for Megan, out of sight from Kelly.

Megan laughed.

“Yes, that’s fine. I’ll get you next time.”

Thank you, Megan. You just got us out of this strange situation. Pheew. Awkwardness averted.

Oh, wait.

There were no sounds coming from the cash register. Kelly was still looking at Megan, trying to communicate telepathically or something.

Silence.

I wanted to laugh.

Still silent.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

Silence again.

Megan didn’t know how to respond, and the whole situation was so awkward that we ended up paying separately.

…

What.

?

Why was this barista being so weird? We asked her. Her response may surprise you. Or not. Yeah, it probably won’t.

Any theories?

Part 2 of this story is coming up on Wednesday. 

Filed Under: Awkward Moments Tagged With: awkward, coffee, dating, funny, humor, life, people, random, relationships

The 7 Facebook Personality Types

November 1, 2013 by Edwin C. 8 Comments

Most of us have a Facebook page. It went from something we used to post on every day and check all the time, to a way to message our friends anytime we were logged in (aka 24 hours a day), to something we just check when we’re bored and keep mostly because we don’t want to lose all of our records of our internet lives.

Of course, with time, Facebookers have developed their own personalities and styles. Here are your Top 7 Facebook Personality Types:

1. The Liker

They added you after some party in college thinking you two were going to hang out sometime, and you never did because, well, that’s how it goes all the time. Maybe you two became Facebook fiends because you got introduced by one of your real friends but didn’t really talk. And you still don’t. You two added each other and never commented on each other’s cat pics or anything. All they do now is “Like”. Every single post, even if it’s “omg! My fart smells like a salmon roll!”

2. The Relative

This is why sometimes you hold back on certain posts or jokes. It’s funny until your aunt or uncle ruins it by commenting on everything. Some of them even add their name at the end as if it were a letter. C’mon people, it’s a comment.

3. The Bragger

The person who is straight up successful. Traveling, making money, going to great parties, trying out the best restaurants.. Or so it seems from their Facebook page. Apparently having all that stuff isn’t enough since they are still starving for Likes. Listen man, you can only post a certain amount of pictures of you on a yacht before your posts only get you one Like. From your Mom.

4. The Activist

Or “Activist”. I mean yeah recycling is good for the earth or whatever but you have to stop sending me invites to your Southeastern African weasel anti extinction protests behind a Petco on a Saturday morning. Keep doing what you’re doing, just calm down. My protest banner says: You’re Annoying!

5. The Heartbroken

Making vague posts about a mystery person referred to as “him” or “her”. Copying and pasting blocks of text from cliche romantic novels and “notes to self” reassuring your self-worth. Listen girl, you’re worth it. We got your message. He doesn’t deserve you, got it. You’re highly desirable, of course. Get back on the horse and get off Facebook. Your friends will feel sorry for you only for your first 29 posts on how movies portray love as a game and how much you’re happy being single.

6. The Feminist

Ah, the feminist. You may have heard about Miley Cyrus, crap about American Eagle or Hollister (or what ever brand that doesn’t like fat people), and on political decisions regarding equality. Yes equality is good… We know. But why so angry? You seem to get pissed off by everything. And you don’t just post one or two lines as a rant! You go all out! You post links to internet articles and 45 minute YouTube videos that nobody watches voluntarily.

7. The Linker

“Click on this!” He said. “It is soooo funny!” He said. This person likes to copy and paste things. They may actually spend their time on a Google searching for “cool Facebook statuses” and claim as his or her own. From links about recent news to videos of two turtles doing it, this person has pasted it:

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, Facebook, funny, humor, humour, life, people, relationships, thoughts

Have you ever unintentionally offended somebody?

October 29, 2013 by Edwin C. 2 Comments

I’m not sure of what you would call this. It happens on a train or a bus when you strike up a conversation with someone and it almost feels inappropriate to NOT request some way of keeping in touch when you’re  saying goodbye. Does anyone get that? Yeah, that happens to me often.

Sometimes I ask for directions only to find out that person is going the same way so we stick together and learn as much as possible about each other in the 20 minutes it takes us to get to our destination. Sometimes I accidentally say what I’m thinking out loud and then I hear someone laugh and say “I know, right?” when I blurt out “Who farted?” and then suddenly we’re friends. Sometimes I actually say what I’m thinking.

Other times I just offend them and they leave me alone.

See, I used to hang out with little kids all the time when I volunteered at a kindergarten classroom and in the pediatrics department at a hospital, and my now 6-year old cousin pretty much grew up around me, and I’ve noticed that they like to ask questions. I find it strange how they’re automatically taught what is appropriate and what isn’t, despite their innocence. They’ve asked me questions about salaries, about why black people are black and brown but are not called brown even if their skin may be that color, they’ve asked what that red bump with a white tip is doing on my nose, and if I love the teacher (with the teacher right there standing by us). They don’t think it’s awkward, or weird, or inappropriate: they’re just curious. In a way, I’ve picked up on that. When I sense that someone is not willing to be open with themselves and give themselves permission to think outside of what is expected, I close up too. Of course they also teach children to be respectful of others and their feelings.. they just don’t expect others to be so freakin’ touchy.

There is a blog about a polyglot traveler who thinks that Americans are always trying to be nice. When they ask you how you’re doing, you say fine and smile. When someone doesn’t smile, we think they’re mean and wonder what is up one of their cavities. Of course we lead in gun violence, we tell people to shut up when they ask us .. uh..  we don’t know what they ask us because we don’t care, and we make fun of and bully our own presidents.

Do I offend people? Yes! I held a door open for someone and got a lecture on equality. I referred to someone as the Asian teacher with long hair and got a mean look. What the heck?

I was telling a story to a classmate while we were on the train, and she told me to change my wording. Oh, I should explain. I said:

“So then this black guy comes up and offers to help out–”

“Shh! Dude be quiet. Why would you say that?”

“Say what? ‘Black guy?'”

“Shh! Wow, oh my god. Can’t you just say ‘then this GUY comes up?’ Why’d you have to say ‘black’?”

“He was black!”

“Stop it!”

Sheesh.

I can’t say “black”, but a standardized test and job application can? The choices for race (which is human, thank you for asking), are Black, White, Hispanic/Latino, Asian, Other. When I don’t know if a person is male or female, it’s rude for me to ask them, but a questionnaire can ask with options like “Male, Female, I Don’t Know, Other, Decline to State”? I’m all for respect and protecting another’s privacy but is calling an athletic person “athletic” really that bad? I’m describing them, people. We’re all unique and some choose to believe that uniqueness is bad so they try to make us avoid terms that would single people out? That makes no sense to me. I once asked a girl if she had, in my exact words, “Boyfriend or girlfriend or some significant other?” and she went ballistic. Boom! Explosion! Bam! Death! Destruction!

I clearly remember this scene in the show The Office:

Is there something besides “Mexican” that you prefer? Something less offensive?

Michael Scott asks Oscar if there was something other than “Mexican” that he preferred to be called.

“It’s not offensive,” he said, “I am Mexican.”

Trying to be politically correct about everything is exhausting, but we always have to be mindful of others.

Then we have super touchy topics.

Its tough to know beforehand if our statement will offend or not. People have certain upbringings that make them more sensitive to some things. A person who grew up poor may have a completely different view on food stamps than a person who was born with plenty of food on the table, so your solution of “maybe you should just get a job” may earn you a punch in the face. We can’t ask someone if her boobs are real. We can’t comment on someone’s body odor.

I’ve asked a transgender person what they prefer to be called, and she answered very politely and seemed grateful I asked. Everyone around me was just quiet the whole time, fearing I would offend her and make it awkward. See? She was cool. Touchy people need to go home. Hahaha.

The truth is, I’m probably always going to offend somebody even if I do our absolute best to follow those awkward politically correct rules. From past experience I know that sometimes you can’t call a gay man “gay” if you say it in a certain tone, some African Americans prefer black, and others prefer American, some women want to be treated like princesses and others want to be treated like men (what ever that means).

I just have to remember to be nice, I guess. And to avoid touchy people.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever unintentionally offended someone?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, funny, humor, life, people, random, thoughts

When someone gets offended

September 24, 2013 by Edwin C. 4 Comments

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[Full credit to the cartoonist]

People get offended for many reasons. Full post about this topic coming up soon.

Do you remember a time when you offended someone while you were joking?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, comics, funny, GIF, gifs, humor, humour, life, people, random

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