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Why They Check Your Receipt at Walmart

December 3, 2018 by Edwin C. Leave a Comment

They check your receipt at Walmart because they want to reduce the amount of theft at their store and, through research, they found that a customer knowing that receipts get checked is less likely to steal something.

Walmart has also tried having old people to say hello to you as you come in. They figured that maybe subconsciously you’ll feel like you’re stealing from a kind old lady if you are there to break the law.

I find it especially awkward when I don’t buy anything and they check your receipt at Walmart. I mean what the heck am I supposed to do?

Sometimes, when I’m walking by a store with automatic doors, and they open even though I’m not going inside, I feel like they’re welcoming me in and it would be rude not to go in. What? I know that’s weird. I’m just being honest with you guys.  That being said, I walk into many stores when I’m walking around the city. I seem to find the most random shops, and somehow manage to discover a new place every once in a while, just when I’m getting bored of seeing the same thing.

But see, I don’t enjoy spending money on impulse. If I see something I really like and MUST have, I still don’t buy it. It can be on sale, free with the purchase of a Coca Cola product, or come with a butler, but I’ll still hesitate because the guilt that comes afterward is unbearable. 

cartoon-bear-pictures

 

The other kind of bear.

So what I do instead is I walk in, I browse around, and hang out for a little while. I can see how it can be stressful to a liquor store owner, since I’m sometimes I walk around in a big jacket, beanie, and a pack.. so I look extra suspicious and they keep an eye on me the whole time I’m there.

What makes it even more awkward is when you begin to head to the door without buying anything, and for some reason can’t remember what you usually do with your hands when you’re walking. Hands in pocket? Too suspicious. Take out my cell phone? That’s an obvious sign of trying to avoid something. What are you avoiding, HUH?!

Do I just let them hang around like vines?! AHH!!!

Hands are weird.

So now you’re heading to the door which happens to have a security guard, a sign that shows that they usually get thieves around the store. He or she looks right at you, maybe not in a suspicious manner.

But even the friendly, “Have a nice day” can trigger a reaction.

“I’M INNOCENT!” you may scream, followed by the fight or flight response, which usually means you run out of the store with your hands up in the air.

The worst is when the store forces you to go through the cash registers in order to leave. You have to squeeze by, crotch to butt, with an 80-year old grandma counting pennies and picking out coupons. I’ve seriously considered purchasing something just to avoid the awkwardness.

Do you feel awkward leaving a store without buying anything?

Filed Under: Awkward Moments Tagged With: awkward, humor, humour, life, money, shopping, thoughts

Awkward Family Holiday Parties

December 26, 2015 by Edwin C. Leave a Comment

Did any of you guys go to your in-law’s home for the holidays? Was it awkward? It’s weird, for a while now I have been getting invited to spend christmas in other people’s homes. This past Thanksgiving was spent eating bad Ecuadorian instant noodles and watching Netflix.

So I guess not that different than normal.

You know how when you enter someone’s home, their house has a very distinct smell to it…. but you can never identify your own house’s scent? Well in the same manner, family parties are a whole other beast to an outsider.

For one, you have several different types of relatives.

The Grandma, Version 1

The person that stays quiet most of the time, only to speak up to scold somebody. They like to help out around the kitchen, they keep to themselves, and falls asleep on the couch with everyone else around the living room.

The Grandma, Version 2

The kindest most awesomest person in the room that you just want to hug and have them make everything better. They smile, they’re the only ones who try to get to know you, and happens to always have a little kid on her lap.

The Rude Uncle or Brother-in-Law

The one who makes inappropriate comments about the way you’re eating sausage, or tells you that your mouth can open very wide to bite that turkey leg. They laugh at just about anything, but mostly their own jokes.

The Distant Relative

This is that chubby woman who comes up to you to say how much weight you’ve gained, and grabs your cheeks. You remember her from where you were a little kid and always wanted hated that “come say hi” thing your mom always says.

The Drunk Cousin

Yeah, we all know who we’re talking about.

Haha!

Well, things don’t actually have to be that awkward for everyone. There’s lots of things that certain families do that would seem weird to the rest of the world. At my house, sometimes we don’t all sit down to eat together but rather pick at the pots and pans whenever, even if not everything is ready yet.

And then sometimes we go to my aunt’s house and eat again afterward.

I went to a friend’s house once where his family served tacos for Thanksgiving and they were delicious.

What is one thing that your family does that is just plain weird to other people? Type it up, and submit your comment below!

Filed Under: Awkward Moments Tagged With: awkward, christmas, family, food, holidays, humor, humour, journal, people, random, thoughts

156. That moment when you realize you gave the wrong directions

May 4, 2015 by Edwin C. Leave a Comment

I was walking around the northwestern part of Mexico with my cousin after getting some tacos for breakfast (yes, for breakfast!) when I heard a familiar phrase coming out of a car stopped at a red light: Oye, muchacho!

They were asking how to get to San Carlos, a tourist area about 15 minutes northwest from where we were. I had been there many times before, so I told them to just go straight down the road and that an intersection would take them west toward San Carlos.

There was a girl sitting in the passenger seat, it looked like she was from outside of the country, and she asked me if the road pops up on the right or the left. So of course I said LEFT because heading northbound… San Carlos is on the left… except that the exit comes up on the right side and makes a loop and heads west from there.

I realized this literally two seconds after their light turned green and they left. I gave them the wrong directions.

Awkward

Awkward! No, bird! It’s the other way!

But it isn’t the first time that this happens, and no I don’t mean giving the wrong directions but instead second guessing myself. At the end of exams, after an interview, after clicking “Publish” on a blog post. I guess its a karma thing that people always give me the wrong directions. Maybe I should learn how to read maps.

Does this ever happen to you?

Filed Under: Awkward Moments Tagged With: awkward, blog, humor, humour, journal, life, random, story, thoughts

7 Most Awkward Meals to Eat on Your First Date

April 24, 2014 by Edwin C. 11 Comments

First dates are awkward enough already. Trying to find something to talk about, trying to leave a good impression, and making sure that there is no cilantro on your teeth are some of the basics. But if you want to step out of the “he orders a steak, she orders a salad” type of thing, make sure you don’t step out too far and enter.. The Awkward Zone.

Let’s get started:

DSC_2377-taqueria-burrito

7. The Burrito – Well, maybe some people out there may find burrito-eating attractive.

mae10

6. Spicy Soups – Runny noses, sniffles, and red eyes are not going to impress your date. Unless you can handle it without having to blow your nose halfway through, avoid super spicy stuff in general.

ed40d313752d268cc85f3372975de045.640x360x1

5. Chicken Wings – Oh, that is beautiful.

eRzxOQo1Lncc71v4ldPDaXWEo1_500

4. Things With Eyes On It – I was trying to add a picture of a pig’s head on here, but I couldn’t. It just looks like murder. Oh man, I can’t believe people can just eat stuff with eyes. That is actually one of my secrets, by the way. I have a very tough time eating something with eyes on it, even fish and shrimp. Having an animal on your plate is harsh enough.

kimchi-photo-korean-food-cc

3. Smelly Stuff – If it has been fermented, has strong garlic, or any other lingering stink smell, avoid it for a while. Those do not go away overnight. Literally speaking.

shrimp-mango-summer-rolls-l

2. Things That Require a Double Dip – The famous egg roll. There is a reason why people opt for the mini version of these. Some couples are all into double dipping into the dressings and dips, but other people absolutely hate it. Sucks, so much sauce goes to waste.. man..

cheese-cracker-crunchy-food-indulging-Favim.com-364697

1. Extra Crunchy Foods – I don’t mind the sound of crunchy foods, but I have heard this from many people in the past. And during a first date, where they can be a lot of awkward silences, crunching sounds taking over may not be the best idea. If you’re at a loud bar or restaurant, go for it.

 

What are some foods that you would NOT recommend to people on their first date?

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, food, funny, humor, humour, life, love, relationships

Trying to fart

February 6, 2014 by Edwin C. 7 Comments

You  know how when you try to fart as you’re walking,  it comes out as a series of pops?

Well, most of the time, right? Lets not get too technical here.

I was walking around downtown, heading toward a burrito place I discovered thanks to some guy that was asking for signatures to legalize marijuana, when I turned the corner in a construction zone. It was one of those areas where you can hardly find anyone walking, shady (like actual shade, not “shady”. Oh, and shady too, I guess), and found an older woman doing a funky squat thing, I thought she was trying to reach for something in her back pocket, but then I heard a fart. In an attempt not to laugh, I semi-sneezed and she turned around and looked right at me. She started walking, only to release a series of pops with about one second in between and perfectly in sync with her left foot touching the ground. Fortunately for both of us, I had my earphones on with no music playing in order to avoid having to sign petitions and a good reason to talk to myself because people think I’m on my headset, so I just pretended not to hear anything.

I passed the lady in order to avoid the trail of gas, when I began to actually analyze the situation. How many people are trying to cut the cheese at this moment? Have we all mastered The Art of the Silent Fart?

Sometimes, when I hold it too long, I can actually feel it going up my guts again, and it sounds just like the real thing. It sounds like a cat purring, and other times its just like an angry dog trying to win a tug-of-war against you and you fear for a millisecond that it will actually bite you.  Which reminds me, have you ever farted around a dog and scared them? They look at you like: huh? Was that me or you?

When I see a person at a coffee shop trying to lean in one direction, while discreetly lifting up their left butt cheek from their seat, are they actually farting? And come on! How can people not be farting around, or stinking up the bathroom, we’re at a coffee shop. What else can we expect?

Dog

Filed Under: Awkward Moments Tagged With: awkward, fart, humor, humour, life, random

148. Leaving a store without buying anything

January 31, 2014 by Edwin C. 14 Comments

Sometimes, when I’m walking by a store with automatic doors, and they open even though I’m not going inside, I feel like they’re welcoming me in and it would be rude not to go in. What? I know that’s weird. I’m just being honest with you guys.  That being said, I walk into many stores when I’m walking around the city. I seem to find the most random shops, and somehow manage to discover a new place every once in a while, just when I’m getting bored of seeing the same thing.

But see, I don’t enjoy spending money on impulse. If I see something I really like and MUST have, I still don’t buy it. It can be on sale, free with the purchase of a Coca Cola product, or come with a butler, but I’ll still hesitate because the guilt that comes afterward is unbearable. 

cartoon-bear-pictures

The other kind of bear.

So what I do instead is I walk in, I browse around, and hang out for a little while. I can see how it can be stressful to a liquor store owner, since sometimes I walk around in a big jacket, beanie, and a pack.. so I look extra suspicious and they keep an eye on me the whole time I’m there.

What makes it even more awkward is when you begin to head to the door without buying anything, and for some reason can’t remember what you usually do with your hands when you’re walking. Hands in pocket? Too suspicious. Take out my cell phone? That’s an obvious sign of trying to avoid something. What are you avoiding, HUH?!

Do I just let them hang around like vines?! AHH!!!

Hands are weird.

So now you’re heading to the door which happens to have a security guard, a sign that shows that they usually get thieves around the store. He or she looks right at you, maybe not in a suspicious manner.

But even the friendly, “Have a nice day” can trigger a reaction.

“I’M INNOCENT!” you may scream, followed by the fight or flight response, which usually means you run out of the store with your hands up in the air.

The worst is when the store forces you to go through the cash registers in order to leave. You have to squeeze by, crotch to butt, with an 80-year old grandma counting pennies and picking out coupons. I’ve seriously considered purchasing something just to avoid the awkwardness.

Do you feel awkward leaving a store without buying anything?

———–

Its cool how Twitter lets you like people you’ve never met, while Facebook makes you hate the people you know.

Tweet me at @edwincov!

From my Twitter feed:

Screen Shot 2014-01-31 at 11.20.11 AM Screen Shot 2014-01-31 at 11.21.15 AM @edwincov Twitter

Filed Under: Awkward Moments Tagged With: awkward, humor, humour, life, money, shopping, thoughts

Don't speak with your mouth full

January 29, 2014 by Edwin C. 1 Comment

20140129-080021.jpg
[Credit to the artist]

Unless everyone else is doing it.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, food, GIF, humor, humour, life, meme, thoughts

Signs that you're getting older

January 27, 2014 by Edwin C. 4 Comments

There was a huge library clearance sale thing, where public libraries in the area decide to give away books on the cheap in order to make room for newer books, and I looked around but found no interesting reads.. just a lot of James Patterson’s novels. To be honest, I’ve never read any of his books, but one of my friends and I have a running inside joke about his TV commercials where he literally just holds his book and talks about it, so even though technically the book could’ve cost me around 16 cents, getting rid of it would suck. I don’t like to throw away books, but it is difficult to find someone to read them.

So I hopped over to the DVD section, I happened to see some boxes of VHS tapes on the floor as a 5-year old boy was looking at a Barney movie (the purple dinosaur). He looked up and appeared to be searching for his mother, who happened to be going through a box of books with the shirtless men in jeans (you know what I’m talking about, ladies), so I asked him if he needed any help.

“Is this a game?”

I tried to answer his question as I had the realization that it was his first time ever holding a VHS movie.

“No, its actually a movie.” I responded.

“Is there a DVD in here?” he asked, with his eyes lighting up.

“Actually, that thing is like a DVD,” I said, disappointing him, “except it needs a special DVD player.”

I know my explanation sucks, but he seemed to get it. When the mother was finished looking through the womanly books, the little boy asked if he could get one, to which she responded no because they did not own a VCR. “Is that a special DVD player?” the boy asked, I saw the mom nod as they both walked away.

I’m old.

But there were some other things that I’ve also noticed.

Vacations got shorter. People working full time get 14 vacation days out of a year. 

2011-National-Plan-a-Vacation

I actually heard some music that I liked in an elevator.

cab055

I do more work on my computer than surf the net for entertainment.

computer-virus-rev-1

You can actually joke around with older people, and understand the jokes and more than 50% of the historical references.

IMG_2357__1600W

Have you noticed any changes? 

Anywho, sorry I ruined your Monday.

Oh, and happy Monday!

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, humor, humour, life, old, random, thoughts

5 Email Signatures and What They Really Mean

December 13, 2013 by Edwin C. 3 Comments

Even though email may seem like extremely old-fashioned nowadays, I do it often. Like actual correspondence-type emails. Yes. That happens.

Sometimes I’m responding back to customer’s questions, and other times I’m reading awkward stories that you guys share with me via email. My first experience using Outlook in a job setting was in Colorado back in 2009, where the world of Microsoft Office opened up a brand new window to office gossip and the path to the long chain of people you have to go through in order to get access to the software essential to doing the job I was hired to do. As an observant of the awkward and the unnoticed, I started taking note of the email signatures these people would use. In a land of engineers with support from HR, IT, law, accountants, and tech guys.. they were easy to differentiate.

Take a look at the types of email signatures these people would send:

Human Resources

Yours,

Marie Escalade
Human Resources
(555) 198-9213- extension 124

Information and Technology

Myriam Delao
IT
(555) 143-9123 -ext 2

Law Department

Sincerely,

Bill McCormick
Chief Coordinator of Internal Operations & Executive Trainee
Department of Law and Engineering Support
Office: (555) 876-1234
Fax: (555) 213-1231
E-mail: bill @company.com

If you believe this email was sent to you in error, please delete immediately and notify the sender.

Engineering

-mike

Accounting

Thank you,

James Blunder
Accounting
(555) 123-1245 ext- 3
—————

And then I started noticing the signatures other people send, and dude.. some of them just make me want to invent a virus that would make a hand come out of the screen and slap somebody.

Here are some slightly modified [to make my point] email signatures found around the internet.

1. The Overachiever Student Who Thinks He’s a Professional

—-
Sincerely,

Bogdan Emerson
President 2012-2013
Envirocool Organization
Hazing Chairman of Kappa Jau Fraternity, Inc.
Cell: 555-412-1234

What you’re really saying: I am the coolest guy on campus and you need to know that. The top companies don’t want me but I don’t know that yet.
2. The Funny Guy

—-
Thanks pal,

Geoffrey “Karate Kid” Nelson
Earth
Smoke ring signals: Puff, puff, hold… puff, puff, hold, cloud.
Ok but seriously, cell phone: (911) 134-9421
Gotcha.

What you’re really saying: I am hilarious, laugh at me. Alright, you can stop now. It isn’t funny anymore, stop. #AntiBullying

3. I’m Green, and You Must Know It

—-
With kind regards,

Christine Skye

Please be considerate of the environment before printing this email. 

What you’re really saying: I annoy my friends, and secretly still buy bottled water.

4. The Success

—
Thanks a lot, bud.
Max Le’Gitneo

Senior Planning Vice-President of DaCool Co. & Media Conglomerate, Corp.
LeGitNEO@DaCoolCo.com
Office: (555) 123-1234
Cell: (555) 123-1252
Office 234-A

Disclaimer: All information contained in this email is intended for single use only and only to the person listed on this email and is subject to inspection by our security guard, Hank, at any moment if any suspicious activities arise. You may not distribute, copy, email, forward, modify, or read this email at coffee shops or diners. All opinions expressed in this email are not representative of DaCool Co & Media Conglomerate, Corp, but any good ideas arising from such emails are copyrighted by said company and can be used for profit without providing any royalties. The sender is not responsible for any accidental damage caused by this email, including but not limited to: choking, explosions, weight gain, or deep depression. 

What you’re really saying: Bow down to me. I am the douche who emails you with this account to ask you about the status of my toilet paper on eBay.

5. The Philosopher and Prophet

—-
Spiritually with you,

John Everest

Thoughts arise in the midsts of the early dawn, upon which the sun kisses the earth and greets the children of the earth.

What you’re really saying: I like to read quotes and demonstrate my spirituality even though I got in a fight with the guy in front of me while waiting in line at McDonald’s today.

What does your email signature say?

Thanks,

Edwin

English: email envelope
English: email envelope (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Related articles
  • Email Names, Sign Offs, and Signatures – A Part of Your Personal Brand (business2community.com)
  • Outlook — removing or hiding text when displaying emails (ask.metafilter.com)
  • How To Ensure Your Email Signature Doesn’t Give The Wrong Impression (makeuseof.com)

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, humor, humour, life, people, random, thoughts, work

Is it cold where you live?

December 12, 2013 by Edwin C. 8 Comments

There are funny pictures going around the internet about how people from Canada (aka, Canadians) think very little about the cold, and spend their times outdoors, shirtless, and eating ice cream while the temperature is below 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Or as they say it, “below 0”. They measure temperature in Celsius, just like the rest of the world.

But no, this post is not about making fun of Canadians, and it may actually encourage those of you from northern states and other parts of the world to make fun of us over here in California.

My blanket wakes me up every single morning. When my alarm goes off, promptly at 5:45am, I hear it and turn it off and wait for the second, third, fourth, and fifth alarms to go off before I fully wake up. But now, things are different. I take my arm out of the heat of the blanket and grab the phone only to find that it feels like an ice cube. So I bring it under the blanket with me and it fogs up. I then have to readjust the blanket and the cold forces me to run to the restroom and turn on the shower hoping that the steam will unfreeze my shampoo. 

No, I don’t live in an igloo or in the arctic. I live in northern California, where temperatures get down to around 27 degrees F in the mornings, and my landlord feels that its normal to keep the heating system at a nice 50 degrees throughout the night, and to keep the bathroom window open because of mold reasons. What the heck. It feels like I’m pooping in an ice block every morning. 

Sure, go on and make fun of me now. Tell me about your 10 degree weather, or minus 40 degree mornings as you head out to drill a hole in the lake to catch yourself some goldfish or whatever. 

Mind you, I have been used to a constant 78 degrees, with the occasional 40 degrees a couple of times every winter.. for over 20 years. Southern California, y’all. 

Now, the emergency awkward moment protocol can’t happen, because when confronted with something awkward, you can’t take out your cell phone and pretend to text because your hands will start turning red and then numb a little bit. Or you’ll be wearing gloves which would make touchscreen cell phones a bit useless. 

I did find a solution, however. Through careful observation of nature, I have learned a lot of things from the onion. 1) It makes your breath stinky, so its a good people repellant, and 2) it knows how to dress –in layers! I easily wear up to 6 layers of clothing when I leave the house and scrape the ice from my windshield, and by the time I come back home, I’m only wearing 5. Pretty awesome. Thanks nature.

How’s the weather on your end?

Edwin

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: awkward, humor, humour, life, people, random, thoughts, weather

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