movies

Think About Your Favorite Movies, Then Read This

July 23, 2014 by Edwin C. 10 Comments

So people usually have this crazy reaction when they hear that I don’t particularly like watching movies. They almost seem offended when they find out that I haven’t seen Star Wars or Harry Potter films. It isn’t that I don’t like movies.. I just don’t like watching them.

Now you get it?

I didn’t think so. Let’s just pretend I made a very compelling argument right there and pretend to be convinced.

I really like stories, in books and in conversations. I like them in movies too, but I watch movies in pieces because it is difficult for me to be guided entirely by a screen where my mind has no wiggle room. Explosion here, the sound of steps in an empty hallway there. I would know exactly what a character’s voice sounds like and that’s weird to me. No mystery, no questioning. Were stories really meant to be told like that?

Anyway, I would like to welcome myself back into this blog.

*applause*

Alright. Cool.

The question of the day is:

If you were stranded on an island, and you could bring with you 5 movies, which movies would they be?

Out of a 2-hour movie, your parents walk in on the 10-second sex scene

April 2, 2012 by Edwin C. 10 Comments

It was a typical day around the house, sitting down on a quiet Saturday evening, doing nothing but sitting on the couch with a tray of potato wedges resting on a chair that I pulled up as to use as a table. I turned on Netflix and looked around for a movie. Deciding is more difficult than you think.

Movies are a bit of a drag for me personally, mostly because they take too long. Yes, I was practically dying while watching The Dark Knight, along with The Green Mile, Lord of the Rings, and Titanic. Those “bathroom breaks” I took were used on checking my cell phone, walking around, and living life before going back to movie-hypnosis.

(I bet you didn’t know that about me, huh?!)

But a film I actually like, or am still debating about, gets a second shot, if its short. So I decided to watch an indie-film called “Breaking Upwards” once more. I turned it on, and suddenly I see headlights on the driveway out my window.

My mother.

She opens the door and starts her normal conversation, and soon my dad comes in and they start walking toward the kitchen and completely blocking out the sounds of the movie. Good thing, because the movie starts with a couple doing it! Yes, “it”.

Of course they don’t show boobs, or the guy’s butt or anything, but you could still see the motion of the couple with their heads in the frame.

I sat there awkwardly, trying not to make a big deal about it, and trying not to draw any attention to the television. Just when I decided to change the movie and reach for the remote, my mom turns toward the television… She walks up to it, and changes the channel. She then looks at me, looks away, and tries to think of something to say. I say the most obvious thing I could think of:

“Mom, its not porn.”

“What are you saying, they were.. No,” she says.

“Can you change it back please? It just started, I’ve seen it before, it isn’t porn”

“Tell your father to change it back,” she tells me, with the most awkward facial expression.

My dad walks up to the television and changes it back.. only for us to catch a glimpse of a woman getting dressed, with the whole butt taking up the frame.

Uh oh.

We all looked at each other in silence.

…

Fortunately, it was over right after that and the movie continued as normal.

Why does it happen like that? Out of a whole hour and twenty-something minute movie, your parents come in right when they show that 10 second sex scene?

Seriously, people. Why do they even have sex scenes in movies? That’s actually a BIG reason why I will probably NOT watch Titanic: that short scene where Rose gets undressed to pose for a drawing.Talk about uncomfortable! It was traumatizing the first time, because I watched it with my parents on VHS.

Here is a list of times when sex scenes are awkward:

With your best friend
With your siblings
With your parents
With your girlfriend
With your grandparents
With your coworkers
With your wife
With..

With everybody, the only time it isn’t awkward is when you’re by yourself and I bet even just by saying that you’re imagining unspeakable things.

Why is this so.. awkward?

38. Looking at the dead guy in a movie

June 3, 2011 by Edwin C. 1 Comment

You’re watching a movie. In some heroic attempt, an important character ends up in a horrible accident and is now dying in the arms of somebody.

The dying dude finally dies, and then here comes an epic speech from the person watching the dude die. She might cry and yell out how much he meant to her and about all of the people that he affected while he was alive. She might be cursing at the guy for dying, or letting him know that she’s grateful that he finally died . . what?! Yes. Actually, I don’t know and maybe neither do you because a large percentage of people pay very little attention to what is going on after a person dies because we find ourselves looking at the dead guy to see if he’s moving.

We become doctors, checking his neck for a pulse, watching his chest for any signs of breathing, or his eyes for any twitching that might show us a sign of life! Who knows why people even bother to do this. Chances are the man isn’t actually dead in the movie, so yes people he is alive, he’s just doing his job of playing dead as one of his major tasks before receiving his final paycheck for the job.

Some people even say “Hey man, check it out, he’s breathing.” And the other movie watcher will respond with “Oh yeah I saw that!”. Instead of you guys paying attention to what’s going on in the movie, you focus on the part of the screen that isn’t moving (or at least trying not to move) because its a dead guy!

Guilty! I catch myself looking at the dead people to see if they move..

Image source