Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

pretending

53. Offering a handshake that goes unnoticed

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First of all, I don’t understand that picture I found on the internet. Wet fish hands, like when someone’s hands are wet and stinky? Hmm.. that would make sense. Cool, I think I get it.

I’d like you to think of a time that you were introduced to someone. Usually they offer a handshake, which you take unless you’re sick or it is physically impossible to shake hands (e.g. someone has no hands, or if hands are currently busy). The universal sign of “I don’t want to shake your hand” is to lift up your hand and wave. Or to nod and smile. There are many reasons why someone may not want to shake hands:

She has sweaty hands.
He doesn’t like you.
She is a germaphobe.
She saw you pick your butt.
You recently sneezed and used your hand as a tissue.
His hands are dirty.
Her hand might be injured.
For religious reasons.
She just used hand lotion and doesn’t want the scent to go away.
They actually know where your hands have been. 

The list goes on and on but the one reason that always makes it awkward is:

Your handshake doesn’t get noticed.

Either you guys were in a hurry, or something distracted the other person. . whatever the reason is, it sucks! Especially if some third person saw you stretch out your hand to offer a handshake and got nothing. Zero. Nada. You then are forced to shake off the look that other people might give you and sadly put your hand back in your pocket and pretend it never happened. If no one sees your handshake go unnoticed, it still feels awkward, but it’s a heck of a lot better than the other scenario.

Has this ever happened to you?

[Thanks priya]

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52. When it sounds like you farted

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(. . but you didn’t).

Talk about awkward! Sometimes I stick to leather seats in cars (I’m not sure why). It doesn’t bother me very much, but whenever I try to move in my seat I hear a loud farting sound. It isn’t that bad when I’m by myself, but whenever other people are around things get a little difficult and I, just like the general public, have to make an important instant decision to the best of my ability (which may depend on several factors including, but not limited to: current mood, if I’m sleepy, hunger level, and environment). These decisions may affect the way other people look at you, and if you’re trying to make a good impression you don’t want to mess this up. This is more common than you think, your shoe may decide to make a farting sound if it rubs against something else, your chair might move and make the noise. .  It happens, folks. Here are your options:

[Insert fart sound here]

A) Pretend it never happened. If you were talking, keep doing it. If you were just sitting somewhere silently when the noise was heard, do not freeze nor make awkward eye contact with anybody, because you would be setting yourself up for failure. Just act like nothing happened, and eventually people will forget it.

B) Announce the truth. You hear people say “I have to fart.” all of the time, you are probably familiar with these people. I’ve tried this option before when I lightly kicked a bag and it made a farting sound, so I put my hands up and said “It was the bag, not me.” which made everybody suspicious. It didn’t work for me, but it might work for you. Try it and tell me how it goes.

C) Try to replicate the sound. One of the more common ones is just to try to make the sound again, to demonstrate something other than your butt made the noise. A word of caution: sometimes you cannot replicate the sound and you’ll just look weird trying to do it.

D) Blame someone else. You can’t go wrong with this! Actually you can. . .  hmm.. Nevermind.

46. Not knowing if someone's baby is a boy or a girl

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Ever bumped into someone on the street that has a baby in a stroller, or in her arms?

You take a look at the baby and realize: Wow! What a cute baby! And of course, just out of curiosity, you might want to ask questions to find out the baby’s age. Not a difficult task, right? Wrong!

What if the baby is too young to be able to make the gender obvious to the observer? And you know, sometimes mothers can be extra sensitive about these things. . .

A person might end up asking “How old is it?“, or “Is it a boy or a girl?” First of all, why do people even refer to a baby as “it”? Even balloons say things like “It’s a Boy!”. It? Well anyway, figuring out the gender of the baby is very important here, and no sometimes you cannot tell by the color of the baby’s clothes. We live in a changing society, people. Pink is no longer a girl color, and blue is actually a favorite color of many girls. Besides, a lot of moms decide to make it extra difficult for the rest of us and dress their babies in orange or greens and yellows.

If you really don’t know, just ask “Is your baby a boy or a girl?” and don’t take a random guess by saying “He is so cute!” and then hear the angry parent say “She is a girl!” This is an awkward moment I would rather avoid.

Sources: Image, Idea [Thank you] 

43. When your butt itches

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Lets be honest here.

Every once in a while, your butt itches. It’s perfectly normal, and there is no need to panic. It is one of those things of nature that we find ourselves asking after a long day at work, or while sitting on the toilet after getting bored from reading the same Sharpie markings on the stall walls. We ask things such as: what is beauty? Is the world really going to end in 2012? Do women fart? Why do our butts itch at the most inappropriate times?

Such an event can tell a lot about your personality, just in case you didn’t know. You know how they say that a man subconsciously looks for a female partner that is like his mother? As scary as it sounds, it might be somewhat true. We do things without even noticing it, and it is only when it is pointed out to us that we realize that it is true. I’m not quite sure why I brought that up . . . Oh yeah: The way you react to this situation tells a lot about your personality and it is because, subconsciously, you show how you are as a person.

Your butt itches.

Do you scratch it right away? You get the itch and you just go for it. Even if you have to get off your chair to do so, if you’re in line and there are people behind you, heck, even if you’re making a speech and you still scratch. Not only are you freakin’ awesome, but you are also a fun person to be around because you just don’t take what other people think about you so seriously. You are probably also very honest, even too honest sometimes. If your friend asks you “Do I look fat in these?” you will probably say the truth, and people like you for that.

Do you look around before going for it? You might want to make sure that nobody is watching of course, a normal thing to do. It is normal because you do it all the time. You wait for the right moment to do things, which says that you are strategic, and you expect the same from others. Very aware of your surroundings at all moments, you flow great with the social norm, and have few problems with other people. You tend to be reserved and keep your personal things personal. To yourself.

Do you announce it and then do it? This also happens with some people that have to fart. They ruin the surprise by saying “I have to fart!” and then let it rip. You ease people into things, and you are probably a good friend conflict mediator. You detect when people have problems and are truthful about it. No need to hide what is out there, right? You care enough about what other people think about you; no more, no less.

Do you NOT scratch your butt? You know, some people decide to hold a scratch. I don’t know how in the world that is a good idea, but people do it all the time and end up having to rub their butts against a chair or a wall in order to relieve the itch eventually. These people are typically the quiet type. Friendly, strong, and reserved. The world doesn’t need to know that your butt itches . . just ignore it and it will go away. Except, well . . . it doesn’t go away.

We know what it feels like. It is awkward to be hanging out with a group of people and then suddenly feel that mysterious thing we have come to know as an itch. What causes one of those? If I start thinking that my back is itching, it begins to itch. Is it purely mental? Either way, the only solution is to scratch so I suggest to just do it. How you do it is entirely up to you.

 

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39. When you really have to pee

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It happens to me at times when it is extremely inconvenient; while I’m waiting in line, when I’m taking a test, or when there are no restrooms for miles.

I don’t know how many of you guys have ever peed in your pants because you couldn’t find a bathroom, but I like to think that I’m pretty good at holding it, though I’m not good at hiding it. Different people have different ways of showing that they really have to pee.

1) The Pee Dance. Involves moving one knee inwards toward the other, and then switch. Move from side to side and then start it over again. Oh and add an I’m-about-to-cry face. Yee haw!

2) The Freeze Pop. Some people try to move as little as possible because any movement will trigger urine to come out. And yes we know, that would be bad.

When you really have to use the bathroom though, things get a pretty uncomfortable. You have to avoid water fountains and any type of water sounds, you must avoid getting squeezed, and keep yourself from laughing because it triggers something that tells your brain to release the pee! What I find the most peculiar here is that the closer you get to the restroom, the MORE you have to go!

People act very awkward when they have to pee. They seem extra serious and just act weirder than usual. That’s understandable though, having to pee really badly is a very stressful situation.

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36. Laughing when you're not supposed to

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When someone trips and falls, it is O.K. to laugh. I mean it is a bit rude and everything but c’mon, at least there is a reason behind it. Imagine laughing when you’re really not supposed to. Like at a funeral, or when the person falling down on the sidewalk is an old lady!

I have a friend that likes to talk. She likes making friends, and is pretty good at it as well. One of the things that people like about her is that she laughs at other people’s “funny” stories when everyone else refuses to laugh. However, she was caught in a super awkward moment not long ago:

We were introduced to someone new while hanging out with one of our mutual friends. The new guy was cool, and had a thick accent that made me ask him to repeat himself over and over up until the point when he would say “never mind” and it still took me two tries to understand that he meant “never mind”. Yeah, it was bad. I got better at it the more I heard him speak, but my friend didn’t.

He was a German guy. He sounded a bit mean when he was telling us a story about his dog, and how he rescued the puppy from a construction site but I figured sounding angry was just a German thing. The story continued, until he finally said:

“Then he died in his sleep” with a surprised expression and the palms of his hands aimed toward his face in front of him.

He stopped talking, and looked around. And my friend, thinking it was some type of joke started to laugh. I can understand why she would think it was some type of joke just by looking at his expression, but it wasn’t a funny story.

“He died!” the guy repeated, quietly.

And she started to laugh once again. Me and the guy just looked at each other and tried to talk about something else. Later on, as a good friend would do, I sent her a text under the table asking “Did you understand his story?” (wondering if maybe there was something that I missed) and she replied with “No, what did he say? lol”.

Wow.

 

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28. Bumping into an ex

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(ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-best friend, ex-boss, etc.)

..when you’re with your new partner, while you’re with your parents, when you’re out buying feminine hygiene items, when you aren’t dressed your best, when she’s with someone new, when you can’t avoid each other and are forced to speak, catching up and finding out that he’s actually happy. . . the list goes on and on.

Different people take different roles when it comes to this situation.

The Hider:

  • Approach: Go as far away from the sighting as possible.
  • Interaction: N/A
  • Reasoning: “I just don’t want her to see me.”
The Brag:
  • Approach: Finds a mirror, fixes makeup, and pretends bumping into each other was a coincidence.
  • Interaction: Brags, very subtly, about how awesome her life is. Pretends to be interested in the other’s life.
  • Reasoning: “He has to know what he’s missing out on, even though I’d never take him back.”
The Just Sad:

  •  Approach: Goes directly toward her and attempts to find out how she’s doing.
  • Interaction: Comes off as overly-interested. Apologizes every other word, and asks for permission to call her again.
  • Reasoning: “She’ll come back to me someday.”
The “Friend”:
  • Approach: Spots him and goes to say “hi” immediately
  • Interaction: Friendly. They both seem happy to be talking to one another, and say “we should hang out sometime!” (but never actually do it).
  • Reasoning: “He was an important part of my life, we’re still good friends.”
I’ve known people that fit those roles, and have probably taken on one myself.
Question 1: Have you ever met people that fit those roles?
I’m very interested in finding out what you think about that last one, and I’m sure many other people also want to know what’s on your mind regarding this:
Question 2: Is it O.K. for exes to remain friends?
I’ll post my opinion in the comments.

26. Tripping and falling

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You would assume that after living for a while, a person might at least be skilled in something called walking. And its true, over the years we’ve gotten better and better at walking (with few exceptions). So it is natural to feel uncomfortable when someone falls in public.

This is one of those double-sided awkward moments, in which the person whom the situation directly involves feels it, and the spectator feels awkward as well.

The faller: First of all, that sucks. Second, what the heck are you supposed to do once everybody gets to see you fail at walking? Maybe something got in the way (a cat, banana peel, etc.) but that doesn’t matter anymore. You’re on the ground, and now its time to avoid the stares. Here’s what to do:

1) Avoid eye contact with those around you, they’re only looking at you to find out how you’re going to react, so choose your moves wisely.

2) If someone comes up to you and asks you if you’re O.K., remember that it is a natural reaction for people to ask that, and they’re not trying to embarrass you even more. People would probably watch someone get hit by a bus and still approach him with “Are you O.K.?”

3) Get back up and pretend it happens to you all the time. Or you could pretend that you decided to spontaneously drop for some random push-ups –you can say that its part of your workout program.

The spectator: C’mon.. laugh. You know you want to, jerk! I once started laughing uncontrollably as a girl fell and rolled down 4 steps at my university. I felt bad shortly after, but the fall was EPIC! She threw her book bag up, (wow.. I’m mean. I’m seriously laughing right now) and made a facial expression I had never seen and will probably never see again. Here’s what to do:

…

O.K. scratch that idea, you probably won’t do it. Let me just tell you what actually happens, I call it the Five Stages of Watching Someone Fall:

Surprise– It was definitely unexpected, and someone having a hard time with gravity surprises you. Your mind might hesitate on taking any specific action. Can be identified by a :O expression.

Acceptance- Yes, you realize that what you saw actually happened. And yes, you just witnessed it. This is the part where a dog would tilt his head to see things in a different perspective.

Conscience– This is the part where you become aware that you’re actually standing there, and people usually like to take this chance to look around. If present with a group of friends, eye-contact encounters will occur.

Confusion– Should you laugh? You might. Or you might try to help the person stand up. Maybe you should ignore it? What to do, what to do? After you’ve made your decision and carried through with it, you will reach the next and final level:

Analysis– This is where you think about your actions. Do you regret laughing? Was the fall preventable . . . did you cause it? These thoughts can lead you to guilt, deep philosophical thoughts, or more laughter.

Do you see why this is double sided? Awkward for the faller AND the spectator(s). A true awkward moment, I like these . . but I avoid them at all cost.

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