Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

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Awkward Family Holiday Parties

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Did any of you guys go to your in-law’s home for the holidays? Was it awkward? It’s weird, for a while now I have been getting invited to spend christmas in other people’s homes. This past Thanksgiving was spent eating bad Ecuadorian instant noodles and watching Netflix.

So I guess not that different than normal.

You know how when you enter someone’s home, their house has a very distinct smell to it…. but you can never identify your own house’s scent? Well in the same manner, family parties are a whole other beast to an outsider.

For one, you have several different types of relatives.

The Grandma, Version 1

The person that stays quiet most of the time, only to speak up to scold somebody. They like to help out around the kitchen, they keep to themselves, and falls asleep on the couch with everyone else around the living room.

The Grandma, Version 2

The kindest most awesomest person in the room that you just want to hug and have them make everything better. They smile, they’re the only ones who try to get to know you, and happens to always have a little kid on her lap.

The Rude Uncle or Brother-in-Law

The one who makes inappropriate comments about the way you’re eating sausage, or tells you that your mouth can open very wide to bite that turkey leg. They laugh at just about anything, but mostly their own jokes.

The Distant Relative

This is that chubby woman who comes up to you to say how much weight you’ve gained, and grabs your cheeks. You remember her from where you were a little kid and always wanted hated that “come say hi” thing your mom always says.

The Drunk Cousin

Yeah, we all know who we’re talking about.

Haha!

Well, things don’t actually have to be that awkward for everyone. There’s lots of things that certain families do that would seem weird to the rest of the world. At my house, sometimes we don’t all sit down to eat together but rather pick at the pots and pans whenever, even if not everything is ready yet.

And then sometimes we go to my aunt’s house and eat again afterward.

I went to a friend’s house once where his family served tacos for Thanksgiving and they were delicious.

What is one thing that your family does that is just plain weird to other people? Type it up, and submit your comment below!

Everyone Here Has The Runs

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Around the hostel where I am staying, people are beginning to say that there is a curse because lots of us are getting sick. Getting diarrhea stops you from doing lots of things, but most importantly…

Pooping in a shared hostel stay is awkward

Imagine hearing gases and liquids and solids coming out of someone’s body in the middle of the night?

Fortunately I just have small sore throat issue and just cough all night, waking everyone else up, but at least its not all super awkward.

Do you have any tips or ideas on how to make this situation better for our diarrhea friends?

Read more about my travel stuff here: OneWayTicketPlease.com

156. That moment when you realize you gave the wrong directions

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I was walking around the northwestern part of Mexico with my cousin after getting some tacos for breakfast (yes, for breakfast!) when I heard a familiar phrase coming out of a car stopped at a red light: Oye, muchacho!

They were asking how to get to San Carlos, a tourist area about 15 minutes northwest from where we were. I had been there many times before, so I told them to just go straight down the road and that an intersection would take them west toward San Carlos.

There was a girl sitting in the passenger seat, it looked like she was from outside of the country, and she asked me if the road pops up on the right or the left. So of course I said LEFT because heading northbound… San Carlos is on the left… except that the exit comes up on the right side and makes a loop and heads west from there.

I realized this literally two seconds after their light turned green and they left. I gave them the wrong directions.

Awkward

Awkward! No, bird! It’s the other way!

But it isn’t the first time that this happens, and no I don’t mean giving the wrong directions but instead second guessing myself. At the end of exams, after an interview, after clicking “Publish” on a blog post. I guess its a karma thing that people always give me the wrong directions. Maybe I should learn how to read maps.

Does this ever happen to you?

My dog makes it awkward at dog parks

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So I took my dog to the dog park the other day.

My awkward dog

There he is taking over my bed and sleeping in it. His name is Jax, and he follows me absolutely everywhere. You’ve probably seen him on my Instagram page, back when he really needed a haircut. He’s friendly, and he likes to sleep.

He doesn’t get to hang out with other dogs very much because he doesn’t like to go outside unless he really needs to poop. And I mean really needs to poop. He runs outside, spins in circles about three times and lets the beat drop.

The thing about dog parks is that the dog owners feel like the dogs are their children and sometimes they get super protective of them. Then it gets awkward.

The dogs that enter and then drop a deuce are probably the funniest of them all. And then a chain of three dogs come by to inspect the poop and approve of it before the owner comes by and picks it up with a flimsy blue bag.

My dog might be a bully because he walks up to big dogs, or brown dogs, and starts barking uncontrollably. He also runs around in circles around it. It is really embarrassing.

My other dog, Peewee, enjoys humping other dogs and owners have walked up to him to pull him away. I just pretend he’s not mine. It doesn’t help that he’s deaf.. (oh, poor dog!)

Have you ever taken your dog to a dog park or a dog beach? Any awkward moments for me?

Smelling your clothes to check if they're clean

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Alright, so when I was a kid I remember my mom coming into my room and asking me why my clothes were all over the place, and why I didn’t use that basket thingy she got for the dirty clothes, and why I always needed batteries for my GameBoy, and to go outside and play, and.. well a bunch of other stuff, right? I guess its what mothers do. I could handle a lot of those questions, which I would just answer with a “just cuz, mom,” (yeah I was one of those kids), but one thing that made me use the dirty clothes’ basket thing, was that my mom would sort out what was clean and what wasn’t clean by sniffing it.

And MAN did it make me uncomfortable.

Dirty socks? *Sniff* yep, dirty.

Dirty shirt? *Sniff* hmm, smells okay.. *sniffs from the armpit area* nope. Dirty.

Dirty pants? *Sniff, from the crotch area* …

MOM! Please! Okay.

I guess that motivated me to also want to start doing my own laundry, to which every once in a while I still find myself tempted to sniff my armpit parts of the clothes to see if its dirty or not. Sometimes its just a check to see if I can wear it again without stinking up an elevator or scaring away my stranger bus seat partners. I mean, washing your clothes after a single wear seems like a waste of water, especially if all you did was put them on just to go to Safeway and take them off as soon as you come back home and put The Walking Dead back on Netflix and heat up your microwave pizza.

Maybe smell checking is normal.

*sniff*

What do you think?

Awkward Advice: List of Awkward Things to Say

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Awkward Things

Hello fellow internet searcher,

Welcome to another segment of “Awkward Advice.” This is your host, Awkwardlist aka Edwin. Which search will I choose.. hmm… “freakin’ nude scene”…. is NOT what I will pick. Here is a list of awkward things to say:

  1. “How is your banana?” literally what this guy next to me asked the coffee shop guy. He responded with “you mean how much is it? or how is it?”
  2. Hello sweet cheeks — Only awkward if you’re a creepy old guy and you’re talking to a woman you don’t know.
  3. Dayuuum — Say it to a baby in a stroller.
  4. Do you take care of your horse? –Haha! It sounds like you asked… oh never mind.
  5. My butt itches –Say it loud and proud, if you’re at a party… stop the music and then announce it.
  6. Call things “ebony” instead of “black” –A few people will know what you’re talking about.
  7. Say bye to your friend as they’re leaving, and then walk in the same direction — Hahaha gets me every time.

Let’s make it awkward! So there you go, guy. Have fun and thanks for your question. It will be published internationally with the exceptions of North Korea, China, and a bunch of other countries where people don’t get internet.

Awkwardlist

P.S. Please enjoy this photo of when trees attack:

When trees attack
When trees attack

Care for some oran juice?

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Oran Juice?

Sure, I love oran juice.

Are you one of those people that likes to enunciate words all properly? Instead of “gonna” you say “going to” and instead of “walk” you say “wall-k”? Okay, just kidding on that last one. But today, I had to find a place with wifi and I decided to go to a McDonald’s that has a low morning traffic in the dining room (err, breakfasting room), and when I asked for an orange juice, the lady at the counter said:

“Okay, you’d like one or-an-ge, ju-ice?”

She said: orange, juice. Orange, comma, juice. Who even says that!?

Is she one of those people that say things like “a whole, other, story” instead of a “whole nother story“? (there’s a post on that)

Yes, I will take an orange, juice, and that’s all. Thank you. Orange juice is difficult to say, just like eating bagel sandwiches. They’re tiring. When I get really old and my teeth no longer work, I’ll probably be able to eat the same foods still because I like to choose easy to chew and soft and mushy foods. Chewing a bagel is way too difficult of a job to do early in the morning. Haha #firstworldproblems #amiright?

I think this became apparent to me because I’m reading a book by Haruki Murakami called Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, in which a librarian likes to pronounce things in dashes like.. “un-ic-orns,” or stuff like that. I don’t know exactly what that sounds like since I have a hard time pronouncing words that I have only read in the past, like the name Liesl, so I guess that’s why my thoughts went to how this lady pronounced the words “orange, juice.”

What ever guys. Obviously I have a lot of stuff going in my life.