relationships

158. When your friend is being confrontational and you don't know what to do

May 6, 2015 by Edwin C. Leave a Comment

I was sitting outside of a study room back in college eating with a very dear friend and coworker, when an Asian dude comes by and starts smoking a cigarette right next to us. We are outdoors so of course I think its somewhat legal to do so, but I should’ve known that in the state of California there is a law that says you have to be at least 25 feet away from a building.

My friend definitely knew this. So imagine a girl with blonde hair, with salad still in her mouth, stand up and tell the guy:

“Uh, excuse me, I’m trying to eat here, can you go smoke farther away from the building?”

This guy didn’t look mean, but he gave her a look that made her nudge like she was about to stand up.

He just nervously smiled and backed away toward some steps and leaned against a tree.

What the heck was that about? I have been in many situations where a friend of mine gets confrontational with someone else while I’m right there, pretending like I’m somewhere in-between “yeah, I’ll back you up,” and “shut up, dummy. You’re going to get us both beat up.”

Have you been in similar situations? Check the list:

Your friend is driving and decides to honk at someone else, and later the car pulls up on your right and look right at you.
Someone has cut in line in front of you and your friend doesn’t decide to just be quiet and make a nod of “WTF?” acknowledgement to the guy behind you.. but instead tells the cutter “Hey! There’s a line!”
The restaurant gets your order wrong and your friend decides to tell the waiter to get the manager instead of just clearing it up with the waiter himself. Cringe.
Some stranger on the street whistles or cat calls somehow the friend you are walking with and she (or he) decides to tell him (or her) off and adds a little sass to it.

Jeez.

What do you guys think?

Please share your experiences in the comments below!

157. When someone lies to you and you know they're lying

May 5, 2015 by Edwin C. Leave a Comment

Special note for bloggers at the foot of this post.

Not long ago, I asked a friend if she had gotten my email because I hadn’t heard back… to which she replied that she didn’t have email on her phone.

And then I reminded her that she was the one who told me to get email notifications on my phone because they were very useful. She had also read part of an email that she got to me, out loud, while she was next to me in the car.

“But, I know you have email on your phone. What’s going on?”

“Uh. Um, not really.”

“You don’t really have email on your phone?”

She didn’t admit it that she was lying to me, but I didn’t want to push it. How do you feel when someone lies to you?

Ohhhhhhh!

An old roommate used to disconnect the internet router because the lights bothered him at night, and one time over the phone I asked him to turn it back on, and he said it was already on.. and I even heard him stand up flick a switch, and just then the internet started working again (I knew when it came back on because I kept refreshing my StumbleUpon page).

I said “Oh, I guess it was just my laptop”

So awkward.

What are you supposed to do? Play along? I guess that’s an option. I want to know what you do. Hit me up on Twitter, or add a comment below!

——————————————–

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Best Friends!

July 24, 2014 by Edwin C. 1 Comment

152. Quitting your job

May 26, 2014 by Edwin C. 3 Comments

Giving an official notice to leave something is awkward. How do you tell your awesome manager that you’re leaving? It feels like breaking up, and they never expect it.

I’ve quit jobs by both on the spot, and with adequate notice. Few have felt nice, but some have been really bad to leave. You’d be surprised!

I quit working at a fast food restaurant by giving my two week notice, and without any sign of me leaving. I had gotten a little award thing for saying my lines and behaving properly when customers would get pissed. When I told my manager, I felt horrible for creating the trouble of finding a new person to cover, since the whole hiring process kinda sucks for hiring managers. He looked at me, and I told him I left my letter on his desk. It didn’t feel all satisfying, like people usually say it feels like.

I worked at the office of a huge douche lawyer, and as soon as I got my check (no lag time), I left. I also left the reports that he wanted ready for him on his desk, sorted by alphabetical order, and to a really high level of detail. When I didn’t return, he called me, and I didn’t answer. He was a pretty screwed up guy. That actually felt really cool.

But how do you work at a place that has your two-weeks notice already? Isn’t it weird? Do you have any awesome quitting stories?

7 Most Awkward Meals to Eat on Your First Date

April 24, 2014 by Edwin C. 11 Comments

First dates are awkward enough already. Trying to find something to talk about, trying to leave a good impression, and making sure that there is no cilantro on your teeth are some of the basics. But if you want to step out of the “he orders a steak, she orders a salad” type of thing, make sure you don’t step out too far and enter.. The Awkward Zone.

Let’s get started:

7. The Burrito – Well, maybe some people out there may find burrito-eating attractive.

6. Spicy Soups – Runny noses, sniffles, and red eyes are not going to impress your date. Unless you can handle it without having to blow your nose halfway through, avoid super spicy stuff in general.

5. Chicken Wings – Oh, that is beautiful.

4. Things With Eyes On It – I was trying to add a picture of a pig’s head on here, but I couldn’t. It just looks like murder. Oh man, I can’t believe people can just eat stuff with eyes. That is actually one of my secrets, by the way. I have a very tough time eating something with eyes on it, even fish and shrimp. Having an animal on your plate is harsh enough.

3. Smelly Stuff – If it has been fermented, has strong garlic, or any other lingering ~~stink~~ smell, avoid it for a while. Those do not go away overnight. Literally speaking.

2. Things That Require a Double Dip – The famous egg roll. There is a reason why people opt for the mini version of these. Some couples are all into double dipping into the dressings and dips, but other people absolutely hate it. Sucks, so much sauce goes to waste.. man..

1. Extra Crunchy Foods – I don’t mind the sound of crunchy foods, but I have heard this from many people in the past. And during a first date, where they can be a lot of awkward silences, crunching sounds taking over may not be the best idea. If you’re at a loud bar or restaurant, go for it.

What are some foods that you would NOT recommend to people on their first date?

How to Not Be in a Relationship

February 10, 2014 by Edwin C. 1 Comment

Let’s clear something up, if you are looking for advice on how to not behave when you’re in a relationship please refer to Cosmopolitan magazine. This is different. With Valentine’s Day coming up, people begin to make up feelings toward one another that go away as soon as you see each other without hair product. Few things can be as awkward as having someone, who you do not intend to start a relationship with, confess their feelings for you. Or the awkwardness of first dates. I’ve asked a question to several single friends for some time now, and there always seems to be a common answer after I push for a more truthful, not-afraid-of-being-judged, answer.

“For some reason, people always try to push others into a relationship. They try to set you up with people, and when they find out that you’re single, they feel some obligation to try to ‘help’ by giving you advice on how to find somebody. How do you feel about that? Would you like to be in a relationship with someone at this point in your life?”

“No, not right now. There’s lots of things I want to finish.”

“I know, right? Why can’t people understand that I’m happy like this? I guess it would be nice, but maybe later.”

“I don’t know, but that’s why I avoid going to family events. So I’m 27 and single; we live in different times, people!”

I was expecting an answer like that. So I rephrased it, and asked again. Eventually, I found a pattern. So let’s say you don’t really don’t want a relationship then. That means you’d avoid it, right? You might be shaking your head right now. Aha! So you’d consider it. The truth is, you are avoiding it. You may not be fully conscious of it, but ask yourself you’re doing any of the following things.

How to Not Be in a Relationship

Decrease your odds

Stay as close to home as possible, and refuse to meet other people. For example, let’s say you have a business and want nobody to know about it, what do you do? Don’t tell anybody about it! Have it there and available, but do not expose it to new potential clients. The same goes with you, the less you go out and meet new people, the less likely you are to end up in something you don’t want to be a part of.

Focus only on yourself

People who end up in relationships are usually those who want to share things. You don’t want that. Don’t worry about other people, just do your thing and let others deal with theirs. Be careful though, some people are attracted to those who show that they don’t need anyone else. My suggestion is to add a little bit of douchiness to it.

Count on fate

Some people think that they will be approached in a coffee shop by someone who is fascinated by the book you are reading and will propose there on the spot. Or that you’ll bump into a girl and help someone pick up her books only to make eye contact and fall in love. That usually never happens, so if you do that… you are likely to avoid a relationship.

Pretend to be someone you are not

Oh that works like a charm! Everybody dislikes someone like that.

Think that you need a relationship to be happy

For some reason, people who are always claiming to want a relationship in order to be happy don’t end up in one, so it may be smart to follow their lead and do what they do. Let’s see… what do they do besides watching romantic comedies by themselves while eating microwave pizza? They chase the wrong people, have low self-esteem, and feel sorry for themselves. Yeah, do that.

The end.

In case you forget, just remember DFCPT.. haha “DFCPT?” ok, that didn’t work out the way I was hoping it would.

Did I miss anything?

But wait, there’s more!

Its funny how a single decision in your life leads to many others, and they always make interesting stories. Meeting each other in a new city. Getting a job because someone dropped out, and marrying your cubicle-mate. What were the odds of that?

Why don’t you share your story? It can be funny, boring, embarrassing, or extremely cliché.

Instead of giving general advice that you can find in a free magazine at your taco stand, let’s hear some stories from real people in order to give hope to others who are searching and find it impossible to find somebody during these times as we approach a Hallmark holiday. I’d like you to:

Share the story of how you met someone special. Type it up, it can be as long or as short as you want.
Submit it on this website via a comment, the “Submit” page on the top of this website, or on your own blog and share the link on here.
Read your own story along with the stories of other people on a story post to be published this upcoming Friday morning.

What is my most awkward moment?

December 30, 2013 by Edwin C. 4 Comments

I met a couple of people last weekend, and when we had to deal with an awkward situation, we all started sharing our most awkward stories. I heard about a houseguest accidentally unlocking all of the porn channels and failing to add a password again (hint, its usually four zeros), and then being confronted by the host family.

A guy’s father walking into a strip club while the guy was getting a lap dance and didn’t manage to get out before being forced to make conversation.

Someone showed me a GIF of a dude getting beat up by a tree, which was pretty awkward for the dude.

I was a bit surprised when it was my turn to speak, when I wasn’t able to name one awkward situation. I mean, I write about this stuff, you know? I should have at least one good story to tell. And then the quiet buzzing sound turned into a rumble from the stampede of awkward situations running back into my mind from where they graze during the winter. Suddenly –I caught one. The weakest of the pack. And here it is now:

I had gone to pick up my girlfriend at the time to take her somewhere, I can’t remember where right now, but I was driving her back to the school campus. The car was climbing up a steep hill in the dark, when I reached for her hand and said:

“Thank you for coming with me, Melissa.”

My hand went a little cold, and my heart rate sped up. Suddenly the humming of the road against the tires got louder, and the reflections of the lane markers in front of me increased in brightness. I felt everything. Even the cold leather seat on my butt because the seat-warmer from the driver’s side was broken.

Melissa was not her name.

I could hear my head making noises like a Rubik’s cube trying to sort itself out. I imagined scrambled eggs in my brain, lots of bubbles floating on a bathtub, and a huge school of fish swimming around in circles making the shape of a gun aiming at me. I needed to find something to say, immediately.

Melissa was the name of my ex-girlfriend.

“So, did you have a good time?” I asked.

Kim looked out the window, with her elbow against her passenger window.

“Yeah, did you?”

“Yeah.”

She decided to pretend she didn’t hear me properly and save us the awkward moment. Or did she really not hear me? It is always ten times worse when there are only two of you pretending like everything is ok. If you have ever farted in an elevator that has only you and one other person inside of it, you will know what I mean. One person farted, the other can smell it. Both of you know who farted, but you save yourself a lot of awkwardness by not bringing it up.

Fast forward one year.

We had broken up, and in one of the last conversations to clear our consciences and seal the deal to part our separate ways, we brought up many things, and of course, I decided to bring up the whole calling-her-by-the-ex’s-name thing.

“I once called you by the wrong name –” I began.

“–You called me Melissa.” she replied.

“Yes, sorry about that.”

“That was a little weird, I didn’t know what to say,”

“Me neither, I wanted to believe you didn’t hear me, whoops.”

“I once did the same thing,” she started, “remember?”

Of course I remembered, we had been listening to an album by The All-American Rejects, the song that was playing was “Mona Lisa” and we had just eaten some hawaiian barbecue in a cold dorm room because there was something wrong with my heater. I remembered that she didn’t drink her Sierra Mist and I took it. She was talking to me about her classwork and how she felt like she needed to participate more in class, but that there was nothing she could contribute. I remembered asking her about it, and to one of those questions, she answered “I don’t know, George, it’s just that.. I mean–” and then me interrupting her to avoid having to talk about her ex-boyfriend. I remembered her confused eyes searching for some type of reassurance from mine. Then the song ended, and another came on. I began to hum it. Yeah, I remembered.

“..remember?” she asked again.

“Hmm.. you did?” I asked back.

“I thought I had, but now I’m not so sure.” she replied.

Will you be paying together or separately? (Part 2 of 2)

November 27, 2013 by Edwin C. 6 Comments

Continued from Part 1:

——

“Weird,” Megan said to me, as we walked back to a seat near the door to wait for our coffee, “what was her deal?”

“I think she knows you.” I responded to Megan.

“Edwin, how could she know me? I’ve never seen her before.”

“You suggested this place, right? How’d you know about it?”

“I came in here once for like five minutes, my coworker was picking up some coffee. But whats-her-name wasn’t here, I’m pretty good with faces. Wait, why would you think that she knows me?”

“Megan?” We heard the barista yell out. There was no expression on Megan’s face for about two seconds.

“Megan, here’s your latte,” Kelly said. Megan smiled, and stood up to get brown paper coffee cup.

I had ordered regular coffee, and had ordered first, while Megan had ordered some super specialized latte. Baristas have their own priority lists when it comes to preparing coffee, I guess.

I picked up my coffee soon after that and we were on our way out, when Megan suggested to ask her why Kelly wanted her to pay for her own coffee. I thought Megan was joking, so I smiled. I looked at her face for some reassurance that she had made a joke, but Megan was not smiling. Then she stopped walking.

“Excuse me, Kelly?” Megan asked.

“Yeah?” Kelly answered, holding her cell phone with both hands and elbows on the counter.

Megan was not going to go through with it. It would be too awkward.

“Why did you, um, I’m sorry, did you think that…?” Megan started.

“Did you think it was weird for me to offer to pay for Megan?” I blurted out.

It was odd, but Kelly answered.

It turns out that she had witnessed Megan come in once, with a guy who had frequented the place often and happened to be quite rude.

“If a woman wants to pay for her own coffee, she should be allowed to.” Kelly stated.

It bothered her that women did not get a choice, and went on about women in the workplace, rape cases in Africa, and abortion issues. We couldn’t say much without risking upsetting Kelly, so we just listened, awkwardly sipping from our hot drinks in unison for a good ten minutes. She was quite a character, and spoke with uneven flow, and I’m pretty sure she was making up stuff.

“Then she feels obligated to return a favor,” she went on.

Oh no. Things were about to get weird. We had to get out of there. I reacted the only way I knew how: I took out my cell phone and acted surprised when I looked at the time. Kelly caught on, and her tone changed to apologetic while her current sentence faded while she thought of something else to say. The talk she was giving to us, two friends who had just met earlier that day, was about to get a lot more awkward, and I was glad to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. And glad we got an answer.

“I didn’t mean to make you guys feel weird,” Kelly mentioned, “You guys look cute together. Tell me, how long have you guys been dating?”

“Oh no, we just met actually.” I said, after a short pause.

That was awkward, too.

“What?” Kelly looked smiled and sighed, “Well that makes sense. Wow.”

Megan and I were confused. What the heck was she talking about?

“So you and that, um, other guy a few weeks ago, you–”

“Friends,” Megan interrupted, “we’re coworkers actually.”

“Oh, ha ha! Thank god.”

Kelly and Megan exchanged some telepathic dialogue or something. They both smiled.

“I am so sorry. I was just like, ‘poor guy, this girl is obviously taking advantage,’ and the guy, um, your coworker comes here a lot, and he’s a real jerk, so I could totally see you ditching him” Kelly said.

So she wanted Megan to pay for her own coffee because she thought Megan was cheating on a jerk, but could totally rationalize it? But first gave a speech on me not giving women an option to decide? We slowly started inching toward the door.

“Thank you guys!” Kelly yelled out, as we opened the door. It got dark pretty fast outside.

So we didn’t really find out what you guys had mentioned in the comments. I guess it could be a lesbian coffee shop, or she could be a feminist. It was such a strange situation, that it still puzzles me, even though it happened a few months ago. Obviously I had to blog about it.

Once we were outside, Megan and I looked at each other. We didn’t have to say much about it, we were both thinking the same thing.

Or not.

Actually we had no idea what had just happened.

Megan finally said what I wanted to ask. I think. Remember, I was quite confused. I could sense her mind working hard to get out this question:

“So, whose side was she on?”

Will you be paying together or separately? (Part 1 of 2)

November 25, 2013 by Edwin C. 16 Comments

Talk about putting you on the spot.

I was out with a couple of new friends I had met at a bookstore, and eventually the group of five people turned into two: me and a brown-eyed girl with long dark hair. We talked about coffee and shared our views on unconscious cues that people give off. Both of us being deeply interested in human behavior, we had lots to talk about. It was around six o’clock in the evening, and the sidewalk was getting a bit crowded, so we stopped by a coffee shop that either sold really bad coffee, or was operating illegally because it was empty from what we could see from the outside. We walked in.

Sometimes you don’t know how to order at a new place, you know? Some people let you pay once you get your drink, others you pay up front, you can open up a tab, you can stuff your face and then pay later.. it can get quite confusing. The barista was cleaning something in the sink and asked what she could get for us, so I ordered a house coffee, and Megan ordered a latte with some other italian sounding words.

“It’ll be ready in a minute, guys! For here, or to go?”

I looked over to signal that we’re going to be heading out, and she looked directly at me and walks over to the cash register, wiping her hands on a towel. I walked over, and took out my wallet.

“Where are you guys coming from?”

“A bookstore,” I reply, “the one two blocks down, on Fourth.”

I handed her a ten dollar bill, and she held it without doing anything else. She looked at me and then at Megan. Then she asked, “Will you be paying together, or separately?”

Megan looked over, and stood up. I turned toward Megan.

“It’s OK, this one’s on me.”

“No, no. It’s OK.”

I looked at the barista, Kelly, her name tag read, and motioned her to accept it. Looking over my shoulder, Kelly opens her eyes widely toward Megan and says “Would you like to pay separately, honey?”

Megan froze. She looked at me, and then at Kelly.

Awkward.

I turned around toward Kelly and said, “It’s fine, just take my money,” trying to sound as casual as possible even the though I was awkwarded out.

Kelly waited for Megan to say something.

What was happening? Why was this such a big deal? I made an obviously confused facial expression for Megan, out of sight from Kelly.

Megan laughed.

“Yes, that’s fine. I’ll get you next time.”

Thank you, Megan. You just got us out of this strange situation. Pheew. Awkwardness averted.

Oh, wait.

There were no sounds coming from the cash register. Kelly was still looking at Megan, trying to communicate telepathically or something.

Silence.

I wanted to laugh.

Still silent.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

Silence again.

Megan didn’t know how to respond, and the whole situation was so awkward that we ended up paying separately.

…

What.

Why was this barista being so weird? We asked her. Her response may surprise you. Or not. Yeah, it probably won’t.

Any theories?

Part 2 of this story is coming up on Wednesday.

The 7 Facebook Personality Types

November 1, 2013 by Edwin C. 8 Comments

Most of us have a Facebook page. It went from something we used to post on every day and check all the time, to a way to message our friends anytime we were logged in (aka 24 hours a day), to something we just check when we’re bored and keep mostly because we don’t want to lose all of our records of our internet lives.

Of course, with time, Facebookers have developed their own personalities and styles. Here are your Top 7 Facebook Personality Types:

1. The Liker

They added you after some party in college thinking you two were going to hang out sometime, and you never did because, well, that’s how it goes all the time. Maybe you two became Facebook fiends because you got introduced by one of your real friends but didn’t really talk. And you still don’t. You two added each other and never commented on each other’s cat pics or anything. All they do now is “Like”. Every single post, even if it’s “omg! My fart smells like a salmon roll!”

2. The Relative

This is why sometimes you hold back on certain posts or jokes. It’s funny until your aunt or uncle ruins it by commenting on everything. Some of them even add their name at the end as if it were a letter. C’mon people, it’s a comment.

3. The Bragger

The person who is straight up successful. Traveling, making money, going to great parties, trying out the best restaurants.. Or so it seems from their Facebook page. Apparently having all that stuff isn’t enough since they are still starving for Likes. Listen man, you can only post a certain amount of pictures of you on a yacht before your posts only get you one Like. From your Mom.

4. The Activist

Or “Activist”. I mean yeah recycling is good for the earth or whatever but you have to stop sending me invites to your Southeastern African weasel anti extinction protests behind a Petco on a Saturday morning. Keep doing what you’re doing, just calm down. My protest banner says: You’re Annoying!

5. The Heartbroken

Making vague posts about a mystery person referred to as “him” or “her”. Copying and pasting blocks of text from cliche romantic novels and “notes to self” reassuring your self-worth. Listen girl, you’re worth it. We got your message. He doesn’t deserve you, got it. You’re highly desirable, of course. Get back on the horse and get off Facebook. Your friends will feel sorry for you only for your first 29 posts on how movies portray love as a game and how much you’re happy being single.

6. The Feminist

Ah, the feminist. You may have heard about Miley Cyrus, crap about American Eagle or Hollister (or what ever brand that doesn’t like fat people), and on political decisions regarding equality. Yes equality is good… We know. But why so angry? You seem to get pissed off by everything. And you don’t just post one or two lines as a rant! You go all out! You post links to internet articles and 45 minute YouTube videos that nobody watches voluntarily.

7. The Linker

“Click on this!” He said. “It is soooo funny!” He said. This person likes to copy and paste things. They may actually spend their time on a Google searching for “cool Facebook statuses” and claim as his or her own. From links about recent news to videos of two turtles doing it, this person has pasted it: