Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

restaurant

2. Making eye contact with a stranger

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It has been a long day at a grocery store, you are tired and you just want to get home. You reach for your keys, which take a long while to finally reach (and you begin wondering why it is so hard to put your hands in your pocket. Weight gain? NO!). You put everything away and reach for your car door, which happens to lightly tap the car next to yours.

Oops.

No big deal, right? Wrong! You casually looked inside just in case someone was inside, and yes. What is worse is that you’ve made eye contact with him. What to do now? Well sorry, I can’t help you there; I’m actually supposed to be writing about the awkwardness of making eye contact with a stranger.

You see, what makes this an awkward situation is the the eye contact. You could’ve just hit the car, and gone right inside and left. But no. You stayed and looked inside. Think about those other times when you accidentally make eye contact with someone you don’t know. Like in a restaurant.

You’re at your table, and across the room, you happen to make eye contact with someone else across the dining area. Alright, it happens. Now let’s say it happens again. You can almost feel it now. The awkward is creeping in.

It happens all the time. Do you ever fear walking toward someone while you’re on a sidewalk because of how uncomfortable it feels? It isn’t because of your clothes don’t match, or because you smell funny; it is because you won’t know what to do once you’re face to face with this other pedestrian. Do you look at her in the eye? Do you say “hi” without feeling like a creep? What to do, what to do. You can always refer to #1 and just hope you don’t get caught pretending to be on your cell phone..

Yeah! Just pretend to be on your cell phone.

58. Saying something at the same time

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Here is the scenario:

You’re at a sushi bar with a couple of friends, enjoying the raw fish, rice and all the other cool stuff you can find at a place like that. After a while, the conversation dies down a little which hints that a change of topic is necessary. Certain people are better at it than others, because some people just have interesting things to talk about. Well what if there are two interesting people at the table that notice the sudden death of a conversation and want bring forth a new one?

That’s you. YOU are one of the interesting, awesome people. And suddenly you want to talk about how your car broke down and the mechanic messed it up even more. But your friend wants to talk about his ex-girlfriend going out with his brother now. Here’s what it would sound like:

“So I can’t believe freakin’ mechanic she’s going out with made it worse with my brother!”

Whatta what?!

That’s right. Yup. Sometimes people just keep talking even though another person is talking. But who can blame them? There is no talking right-of-way rule listed anywhere.

And other times, neither of them wants to talk! Suddenly the battle of you-go begins:

“So I can’t believe freakin— oh.”

“You go,”

“No, you go. I was going to say something dumb.”

“Well I forgot what I was going to say anyway.”

Great, so neither of them will say anything. And, we’re back to square one. Both people might turn away and leave you with a dead conversation. Once more.

 

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51. Getting asked something when your mouth is full

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While sitting with a group of friends, talking to one another and enjoying each other’s company, you probably feel very comfortable. (If you have no friends, then just imagine that you do; don’t ruin it for everybody.) It’s awesome, right? One of the things that people enjoy doing to socialize is to go out to eat together. It almost never gets awkward.

But has anyone asked you something just as you took a huge bite of something?! Seriously man, what is up with that?

They just sit there watching you chew your food in a rush in order to have you answer their question that was probably something not important like “So, like, did you see what she was wearing?”

Some people have a tendency to ask questions just as your mouth gets full, and then they just watch you struggle as you’re attempting to not choke trying to speak and chew a lot faster, while keeping your train of thought and maintaining a proper breathing rhythm at the same time!

Oh what? You like to talk with your mouth full anyway? My apologies, this does not apply to you.

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36. Laughing when you're not supposed to

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When someone trips and falls, it is O.K. to laugh. I mean it is a bit rude and everything but c’mon, at least there is a reason behind it. Imagine laughing when you’re really not supposed to. Like at a funeral, or when the person falling down on the sidewalk is an old lady!

I have a friend that likes to talk. She likes making friends, and is pretty good at it as well. One of the things that people like about her is that she laughs at other people’s “funny” stories when everyone else refuses to laugh. However, she was caught in a super awkward moment not long ago:

We were introduced to someone new while hanging out with one of our mutual friends. The new guy was cool, and had a thick accent that made me ask him to repeat himself over and over up until the point when he would say “never mind” and it still took me two tries to understand that he meant “never mind”. Yeah, it was bad. I got better at it the more I heard him speak, but my friend didn’t.

He was a German guy. He sounded a bit mean when he was telling us a story about his dog, and how he rescued the puppy from a construction site but I figured sounding angry was just a German thing. The story continued, until he finally said:

“Then he died in his sleep” with a surprised expression and the palms of his hands aimed toward his face in front of him.

He stopped talking, and looked around. And my friend, thinking it was some type of joke started to laugh. I can understand why she would think it was some type of joke just by looking at his expression, but it wasn’t a funny story.

“He died!” the guy repeated, quietly.

And she started to laugh once again. Me and the guy just looked at each other and tried to talk about something else. Later on, as a good friend would do, I sent her a text under the table asking “Did you understand his story?” (wondering if maybe there was something that I missed) and she replied with “No, what did he say? lol”.

Wow.

 

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35. Angry customers

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People started complaining to me when the person they wanted to see was not in the office. I didn’t know what to say, the man was out and had not taken his cell phone with him. What was I supposed to do? I calmly let them know and they kept on yelling. Ah, receptionist work.. oh well.

Sometimes customers get a little carried away when they don’t get what they’re looking for. I’ve witnessed the fury of angry customers, and its not pretty. Angry parents are probably one of the bad experiences I’ve had.

For our welcoming passive programs (posters on the wall), I teamed up with another Resident Advisor in the dorms to place a large informational poster on the wall about sex education. Parents, helping the students move into their dormitories, decided that this was promoting sex and that they were not happy. They complained to the other RAs, to the coordinator, to other parents. In the end, the poster got torn down. By a parent.

But I’ve seen worse. Way worse. A woman yelled at a McDonald’s employee after receiving a wrong order in a restaurant by my home. Angry over a cheeseburger that wasn’t plain.

Getting yelled at by angry customers is very awkward. In one hand, the customer is “always right” and in the other hand, the customer, well, is wrong (for getting all mad). That itself is awkward. Now imagine adding on all of that other stuff like how an angry person is typically very irrational, says things they don’t mean, are over dramatic, spit while they talk, make unusual hand motions, and embarrass themselves and whoever is there with them. Uh, yeah, awkward.

What is a person supposed to do when faced with an angry customer?

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21. First dates

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Do you remember yours? You had a horse drawn carriage pick you up, and take you to an expensive restaurant. Nobody was under/over dressed, there were no awkward silences, the food on the Italian restaurant menu was easy to pronounce. . . Perfection.

Lucky you.

It was the second week of college, and I had gotten my first number, but still struggled on how to ask out a woman. A friend of mine offered me tickets to a “concert”. She mentioned that it was going to be hip hop, cool people, and her boyfriend was going to perform.

“Oh, sure. How much?”

“Ten dollars.”

I got the pair of tickets and called Amy that same night. She said yes, and we set the time for me to go pick her up and head over the following week. There was a California Pizza Kitchen (CPK) nearby, and the plan was to hit both places that night. I was excited, but scared at the same time for not knowing what this whole thing was going to be about. After discussing it with my roommate, I decided that there was nothing to be fearful about and that I was just going to wing it to have a good time.

The day had finally arrived and we headed over to the center of L.A. My first sign of trouble was the traffic, which wasn’t supposed to take place for another two hours. That usually means one of two things: an accident, or construction on the roads. I wasn’t panicking –there was no need to. The need for panic was coming up later that night.

We arrived at CPK, only to find a large yellow tape across the front door. It apparently had a recent problem and was forced to close for the day. Still not panicking, I looked over at Amy and she smiled and suggested we go elsewhere, and pointed across the street. Oh, Carl’s Jr. Well, at least she didn’t mind cheap food. I admitted feeling a little embarrassed that I took her to eat burgers at a fast food place, but she made me feel a little better by telling me that it was her first time at one of them.

The failure didn’t end there. As we arrived at the address listed on the tickets, we found ourselves in front of a bar. After having our hands marked with HUGE X’s they let us in. We followed a girl with big hoop earrings through the bar and into .. the backyard!?

Oh no. Trash cans on fire, five or six people maximum out there, and a large speaker in the front of what they called a “stage”. People attempting to rap were taking over, and that’s when I realized that I was in some type of underground rapping joint and that I needed to get out of there to stop myself from being less embarrassed. Amy felt uncomfortable, and so did I. We agreed to leave the place after about half an hour and then headed back to campus. She went to her dorm room, and that was that.

Many things have changed since then. I still wing it sometimes because the improvisation makes it really fun and interesting, but I always try to be prepared. Looking up traffic conditions, making sure eateries are operational, and I have a super secret backup idea just in case all else fails.

Three years later, Amy and I bumped into each other on campus. We agreed that our date had been awkward. She pointed out that she didn’t know what to say, that she was overdressed for the occasion, and that she had trouble understanding what the people were rapping about.

#16 Silence after group laughter

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I really like it when I’m with a group of random people and we get the chance to get a good laugh. I would like it even more if the laughter didn’t stop because of the silence involved afterwards.

It has definitely happened to you before. You’re at a a social gathering, perhaps at a quiet restaurant having dinner. Suddenly someone might tell you a good joke. Say.. a knock-knock joke.

Next thing you know, another person adds on to the jokes and laughter keeps increasing. Suddenly you have people looking at your table wishing they were having as much fun as you. But unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Someone might tell a joke that is just not funny, or perhaps nobody decides to follow up the hilarious knock-knock joke. Darn it. Why isn’t anybody saying anything? Oh no.

Now you all experience this: (insert text here)

That is right: silence.

This is the part where you awkwardly pick up your glass of water and take a sip. You look around, and take another sip. Maybe you’ll go to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror, or you might just wait for someone else to say something. Awkward.

#15 When food falls before reaching your mouth

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You finally get to scoop up a large piece of delicious chicken. It has been specially cooked for you, just how you like it. You can smell it, and steam is still making its way up toward the heavens as it begins to approach your mouth. When suddenly…

It drops.

It is common from people from different cultures explain this rare phenomenon. One of the ones that I have actually started to believe says that when your food falls off your spoon it means that somebody, somewhere in the world, is craving the food you are about to eat.

So THEY’RE the cause of this!?

Ugh.

All anger set aside, the result can be pretty uncomfortable. It might fall on your plate, and you might give it a second shot. At this point, however, please be aware that it might fall a second time and you  know that saying (slightly modified for specific purposes):

“If you drop once, shame on you (food), if you drop twice, shame on me.”

But what if it falls on the table? If anybody watched you fail at eating, they suddenly might become judges. Will you pick up with your hand and eat it? Will you try to get it from the table with your fork? Will you put it back on your plate? Leave it there? Offer it to someone else? No one will be happy with your final decision, or they might just be happy with any of them because they just don’t care. They have their food, you have yours. Right?

Though I don’t specialize in techniques for eating, I can tell you how to settle this situation when it happens (because after all, I do specialize in awkward):

1) Whatever you decide to do with the food that fell off, do it instantly and have no regrets.

2) If someone at your table laughs at your misfortune, laugh about it. If you’re too angry to laugh, make up a story of why your food fell and tell them as though you actually believe it. Blame others if you have to.

3) If you do drop it on the table, a quick swipe of your napkin settles it (unless you’re a firm believer in the 5-second rule, where you have five seconds to pick up your food and eat it . . . follow your beliefs, I don’t discriminate.)

Remember: the food is yours.

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