..after using a public restroom.
I personally believe that the word “pee” came about the sound that you make when you’re peeing.
O.K., so maybe it didn’t. Do you have any other ideas?
Every once in a while, I am forced to pee when there are other people around. In a public restroom, at a friend’s house, etc. But every time I do, I try very hard to avoid making the sound of liquid falling on more liquid. I just find it awkward that other people can hear the sound of my urine hitting the toilet water.
People imagine you peeing when they hear you pee.
Think about this: when you can hear something, but can’t see it, don’t you tend to visualize it? I don’t want people visualizing my urination session. Besides, some people are skilled enough to figure out how much longer you will be peeing based on the tone of the peeing noise. So what do I do to prevent it? I aim at the inner part of the toilet bowl wall above the water level (because I can —sorry ladies). It works most of the time!
Which reminds me, different genders have different views about this. All I know is that I’ve heard that sound coming from both men and women, and I was a bit surprised to find out that they’re very different:
Men: Constant stream, slower stream, drip, drip, flush.
Women: Splash, splash, stream, splash, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, *tearing of toilet paper sound*, long pause, flush.
Talk about complicated..
A lot of things can be considered unacceptable nowadays: Farting while on a formal dinner, stealing from an old lady, and multitasking if one of those tasks includes urinating.
One that our technological society is still refusing to accept is answering a call while you’re sitting on the toilet. Pay attention everybody, cell phones were created to tie us down and force us to be at the disposal of the others at all times. How many times has your cell phone rang while it is inconvenient to answer? What do you do? That’s easy. You silence it, or just ignore it and enjoy your ringtone. Some of us though, are a bit different; maybe the word I’m looking for is more “polite” or “nicer”.
I feel bad when I don’t answer a phone call. So many people send a text instead nowadays, that a call is like “Whoa! Someone is actually calling me!” I bet some people out there wish for a phone that would just text and not include a voice plan.
Suppose you are relaxing on the toilet (.. err or um, what ever you call it), and your phone starts to ring. Oh wow, it is the call you have been waiting for! Yes! They are calling you back to offer you an interview to work at their company. Oh wait, you’re busy.
Perhaps it is a bit painful to just watch a call go to waste if you’re not actually busy, you’re just waiting to finish pooping. I don’t know how intense these sessions might get for some of you, but typically there isn’t much action; there is just a lot of waiting involved. So while you’re awkwardly sitting there just looking at your phone play your favorite John Mayer song, the person on the other line is waiting for something too: for you to answer!
This can be a bit more awkward in public restrooms, and even more so when your ringtone is just plain embarrassing and it scares the comrades on the surrounding bathroom stalls.
What ever you decide to do in such a situation, take into consideration that many people tend to imagine what the other person is doing when they call them. If I call someone and I hear a lot of wind in the background, I imagine that they are in a car. Or horseback riding. If you hear a lot of people talking [party], if the person is screaming at you [at a concert], if you hear somewhat of an echo [in the bathroom. . . or in a cave].
I don’t know how many of you guys have ever peed in your pants because you couldn’t find a bathroom, but I like to think that I’m pretty good at holding it, though I’m not good at hiding it. Different people have different ways of showing that they really have to pee.
1) The Pee Dance. Involves moving one knee inwards toward the other, and then switch. Move from side to side and then start it over again. Oh and add an I’m-about-to-cry face. Yee haw!
2) The Freeze Pop. Some people try to move as little as possible because any movement will trigger urine to come out. And yes we know, that would be bad.
When you really have to use the bathroom though, things get a pretty uncomfortable. You have to avoid water fountains and any type of water sounds, you must avoid getting squeezed, and keep yourself from laughing because it triggers something that tells your brain to release the pee! What I find the most peculiar here is that the closer you get to the restroom, the MORE you have to go!
People act very awkward when they have to pee. They seem extra serious and just act weirder than usual. That’s understandable though, having to pee really badly is a very stressful situation.
Some restrooms at smaller places, such as coffee shops, usually are Single Rider restrooms. This particular type of restroom only has a one person limit with one toilet, one sink, one of everything. They’re very comfortable, actually. Not having to deal with stalls, or making eye contact with other people and no need to follow urinal laws.
After having to hold it for a while, you finally find a restroom and head right in. You poop (while checking your email, new text messages, perhaps play a short Angry Birds session on your iPhone, you know, the usual), and feel very relaxed. Suddenly, you hear something unexpected.
A knock on the door startles you and then you begin to feel the pressure. That’s right, friend. That is one of the sacrifices we must make in order to enjoy the luxury of one of these restrooms. At this moment, you must say something, otherwise this gives the person waiting full right to attempt to open the door. A typical response is “BUSY!” That should keep them away; well maybe just a couple of meters from the door anyway.
It can be very uncomfortable to be rushed when you’re taking care of business to know that someone is waiting for you to finish. It might even cut off the drive you had built up. Once you finish though, follow post-restroom protocol please. Fortunately for you, there is a quick way to remember what to do before you leave the restroom. Just remember C.H.I.T.
C- Cover. The seat cover must’ve flushed. Oh and make sure its not stuck to your pants. It doesn’t only happen in movies, trust me.
H- Hair. Leaving hair on the toilet seat or anywhere in the sink is just not cool, please remove it.
I- Instruments. Make sure that all bathroom equipment is fully functional, and that your poop has left the toilet bowl.
T- Toilet paper. All soiled paper must be properly disposed of.
What this acronym will not save you from, though, is the awkwardness that comes after leaving the restroom and having an encounter with the person that was waiting. The last thing they saw before they stepped into restroom was your face, and their objective as soon as they step in is to assess the environment, primarily the odor.
You might encounter people that leave restrooms saying:
“Uh, yeah.. you don’t want to go in there.”
“I dropped a bomb, heads up.”
“..sorry..” Or they might just smile at you.
I’m still not sure which one of those is most awkward, but they’re all pretty high up there. Don’t worry though, usually people that are willing to wait for you outside of the restroom probably have to use it badly, so they won’t mind the smell that much (unless its toxic), but they will mind anything on the CHIT list.