141. When people do it in the car
sex
109. Unintentionally sexual stuff
It is not that immature..
During lecture, our professor was explaining an engineering problem:
“So the tube can slide freely along the rod, therefore there is no force exerted on the z-axis.. do you guys understand? It’s like..”
*This is the part when he made a circle with his thumb and index finger, and started sticking the dry-erase marker in and out of it.*
“It can flow freely because there is no friction. Can you guys see this in the back?”
*In and out.. in and out, over and over again.*
We were all thinking it.. so we did what we had to do: we avoided making eye contact with each other in order to keep ourselves from laughing.
There are so many things out there that sound and look extremely sexual, but in order to act all grown up and mature, we avoid mentioning them. How many times has your teacher drawn out something that looks a lot like a penis? Or have you ever let out a moan or a grunt that sounds a bit sexual? I was reading an article on Huffington Post about the “Funniest Unintentionally-Sexual Books of All Time”, which shows pictures of book covers with some titles that one can easily question if they were meant to sound that way, and it shows what I’m talking about.
Some words have a different meaning now than they did a while back, I’m sure you can think of some (like the word “gay”), but there is one name that has become both a proper noun and a common noun.. and a weird one at that –the name “Dick”.
I want to research HOW that name could have become another word for penis (along with the other word for rooster), but I’m afraid of what I’ll find if I Google such a thing. The book Moby Dick STILL gets some giggles! How come? I’m a little ashamed of the following, but I’ll say it anyway.. a couple of friends and I were introduced to a man named Dick a while ago, and here’s how the conversation went:
“Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Dick,” he said.
*We looked at each other. Followed by an awkward pause*
- “Um, hi Dick.. I’m Richard, this is Edwin and that’s Mark,” Richard replied.
“Hey! You’re a Dick too, that is great!” Dick replied, referring to the fact that his own name was also Richard, but he went by Dick.
“Heyy.. you ARE a Dick!” Mark said to Richard, referring to something completely different (another word for jerk).
..and it just got more uncomfortable..
In the end, Dick did not catch any of those other meanings to the word/name, and I felt a little bad for not explaining it to him.. but maybe I would’ve just made things worse.
Super awkward.
More Awkward:
82. When a sexual song comes on the radio
..And you’re around little kids, your grandparents, or your church friends. [Read more…] about 82. When a sexual song comes on the radio
69. Getting "The Sex Talk" from your parents
Oh yeah. You know, when your parents first talk to you about intercourse?
I could just end this post now but I won’t, even though there isn’t much else to say about this situation. We will make this educational. [Read more…] about 69. Getting "The Sex Talk" from your parents
68. Farting in front of your partner for the first time
You know, starting a new relationship means having to learn how to fart silently once again. [Read more…] about 68. Farting in front of your partner for the first time
61. When your parents talk about sex
“Dear Edwin,
I have to tell you about a situation that happened with a friend of mine. While a friend and her family were in the living room together, her mom looked through a book about sex for couples. This would’ve been fine, except her mom decided to comment on the book.
‘This book has a lot of good points, but they forgot one thing: the usage of toys for women who can’t have orgasms during sex. I’m one of them.’
According to my friend, her dad was just there not saying anything. Awkward.
Sincerely,
Trees.”
– – – – – – –
I know what some of you might be thinking.
Edwin, I don’t believe this is awkward. My parents and I talk about this topic all of the time and we’re all very mature about it and and and…
Alright, then use this post to find out what the other 97% of the population thinks.
Well, Trees. .
Yes definitely awkward. What is a person supposed to say when a parent begins to talk about such a topic? Nobody wants to think about their parents doing it no matter how old you are. When sex gets brought up in a conversation and your parents talk about it, it can be a pretty uncomfortable situation. I’m curious to know how the rest of the conversation went, or if her dad ever said anything about it though.
Talk about awkward. . what do you guys think?
55. When you can hear people doing it
It is late at night, and you are finally getting ready to go to sleep. For two nights in a row, you’ve been awakened at night by a tapping noise coming from the apartment next to yours but cannot identify it in your half-asleep state –but not tonight. Tonight you will sleep like a baby. Teeth brushed, pajamas ready, and the alarm is set. You’ve been waiting for this moment all day. Suddenly you hear something. What? A song, a soft jazzy tune coming from your neighbor’s place. A voice begins to sing, and you can recognize it. Oh yes, you know this song:
I’ve been really tryin’ baby
Tryin’ to hold back this feeling for so long. . .
This late? Why would anyone be playing a song at this –Oh. Oh no.
. . . Let’s get it on, sugar
Let’s get it on
Whoo, ooh, ooh . . .
And there they go.
Whether the sound is coming from the apartment next door, or from the floor above yours, such a situation is just plain uncomfortable. What makes matters worse is that if it happens every night, you eventually start to become familiar with the sequence. Either a soft tapping noise that gets louder and louder, loud noises and a lot of squeaking, or it could happen like just like the above scenario. You’ll know the pattern, duration, intensity, etc. If you ever have overnight guests, and they’re about to complain about it, you might even tell them,
“Oh, don’t worry, they’ll be done in about 3 and a half more minutes.”
“How do you know?” they’ll ask.
“Uh. . .”
But what are you supposed to do? You can ask them to stop, ask them to keep it down, or let them be. Asking them to stop or keep it down is pretty awkward (and it isn’t very nice), but if you let them be, they won’t know that anybody can hear them and they will keep going at it for a while. Decisions, decisions.
. . . Just let yourself go
Oh, baby
Let’s get it on . . .
(Song: Let’s Get It On, Marvin Gaye)
#13 Sex scenes
When you’re on a date. When you’re with your best friend. When you just ate. When you need to pee. When you’re with your sister. When your parents are in the room. When it is an actual sex scene (the ones where you see the guy’s butt).
Suppose you’re on a date, watching a movie that involves a love scene. The scene could catch you by surprise, or it could be somewhat anticipated; either way the result is always awkward. The most common response is to sit very still and forget that you had been eating popcorn. If the scene catches you while you’re taking a sip of your drink, the straw is likely to stay in your mouth because you will freeze. Any type of twitching, readjusting, or any eye contact is strongly discouraged during these scenes.
Its a bit easier to manage when you’re with your best friend, mostly because you both know each other well enough to avoid talking about it after the movie.
If you need to use the restroom, be careful. Dirty minds might assume that you aren’t going to do the regular restroom business. Enough said.
“Whoa, would you look at that..? Are they .. really doing it? Honey! Honey, come over quick!”
Parents are embarrassing sometimes.
I avoid those movies as much as possible because of these situations. I mean what if its one of those intense scenes where they last more than a minute, up to the point where you want to look around to see what everyone’s expression is, things get a bit uncomfortable. I’m sure movie makers are aware of this and adjust the movies accordingly, but then again I’ve heard a lot about people that watch a movie because they hear rumors of a sex scene between top celebrities, and they just have to see it for themselves.
Freakin’ sex scenes.