Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

technology

Not texting someone back and then seeing them in person

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Who here has a habit of keeping their phone on silent mode, or at least telling the whole world that you do because you don’t reply to text messages right away? Do you guys know that little “Read” option that iMessage has?

Read Receipt iMessage
Read Receipt from iMessage

It literally tells the other person if you’ve read their message or not. I think it says a lot about a person when they have that notification on. However, I’ve found that this thing causes a lot more trouble when it is on because I read a message, I say “Uh huh,” to myself, and then I go back to Netflix and then… I get another message, or grunts (when I meet up with the friend), that I never reply to messages. I mean, HELLO! You got a notification that I read your freakin’ message already, that should be good enough, right?

No.

I’ve considered just replying with a message that says “I read this.” I mean, especially when all the message said was “Hey dude I’m eating a burrito that looks like my exes’ dog lol” What in the world am I supposed to reply to that?

Anyway, I’ve bumped into friends that ask me if I’ve changed my number just to poke at the idea that I didn’t reply to their messages. The truth is, sometimes I just don’t reply because I forget.

No really, I forget to reply because I read the message while I’m doing something like brushing my teeth or frying an egg, or out with friends. What happens is, I see the message.. and if it requires a reply: “Hey, I need your advice with something real quick, my girlfriend caught me checking out her mom.” (awkward), I’ll give an answer. If it is something like “hey wuts up” I just let it slide down the priority list while I finish the chapter of the book I’m reading. Next thing you know, it has been a week and I haven’t told that person “what is actually up” so I feel like a jerk.

Do you reply to your messages right away, every time?

Nooo.. seriously, guys. Do you?

iPhone's New Politically Correct Emoji Awkwardness

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Every once in a while, pretty much every day, I get a new update notification for one of my devices. A phone update, a software update, or a notification somewhere to download something to make life better. Apple just recently updated my iPhone with a new layout for those emoji icons, and I noticed something cool: there are hands for white people, yellow people, brown people, black people, red people, blue people, and purple people. Just kidding, not that many colors.

iPhone's new emoji icons with colored handsI think it is pretty cool stuff. Now I get to use a brown “thumbs up” emoticon because if I use another color, people will think that I am trying to be someone that I’m not.

They also made gay couple ones, and a bunch of other kinds. I still haven’t discovered all of them just yet, but I noticed that they added more flags of the world. There is a Mexican flag now, woo! Go Mexico!

Though yes, they may be opening up a door for those people who like to complain about everything, they might say that Apple discriminates because they didn’t match their correct skin color, or that they’re missing a bowl of Fruit Loops on there because it is their favorite kind of cereal.

I found one of these really cool, I like the running people:

FullSizeRender-2

But okay, seriously what is up with the horse rider. They all look the same to me:

FullSizeRenderOops, was that racist?

I’m kidding guys. But seriously, don’t they all look the same?

I Have to Pee Really Badly

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(and other search terms that lead people to this blog.)

I have to pee so bad, I have to pee really bad, I need to pee now, I’m about to pee my pants.

Yes, they’ve all been searches that lead people to here. Here’s how I imagine it this to happen.. and it involves a cell phone, drunk people, and a line for the restroom:

Wait, I think I pretty much just described the whole thing.

Because when we really have to pee, we obviously Google it. Can someone explain that one to me? Why would you GOOGLE IT? Does it help out? I mean seriously.. how? Then Google is all like,

“Yo! There’s this one website, awkwardlist.com, that has some posts on the subject, check it out dude!” so then they end up here, wondering why the heck they would Google it. Well if you happen to stumble onto here, fellow peers (haha get it? PEE-ers?.. uh never mind.) I have some tips for you:

  • Stay away from water sources that make splashy sounds
  • Look for alternative ways of relief in case of emergency
  • Remember, the closer you get to the toilet, the more you will have to pee. This makes absolutely no sense logically which means that this has to be some sort of mental thing. Use it in your favor.

So now, onto my update on search terms:

searches

Are you wondering why people STILL search for naked old people? So am I. The people at Google or Bing probably have a blast with these things. We are one funny group of social animals.

What kind of searches do you get? Please share!

The Importance of Wiping

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136. Having to wipe off the sweat from the cell phone you just borrowed

“Hey, can I borrow your cell phone real quick? Mine died.”

Cell phones die. It took me a while to start using that phrase mostly because it sounded very.. unfitting. But yes, cell phones “die” all the time. I’ve learned a couple of things about making the battery last longer, and surprisingly, they’re not that difficult to do:

  1. Turn off your wi-fi
  2. Turn off location services
  3. Turn off the back light
  4. Turn off … well just turn off your cell phone. It’ll last longer.

If your phone doesn’t last you all day, you text too much, talk too much, surf the web too much, or are just way too popular. Typically, phones dying are not that big of a problem, unless you suffer from a phone addiction. But then when something comes up and you need to make a phone call, you’re screwed. The only number you may actually have memorized may be your mother’s and your home phone number, and maybe the number for emergency services that we know here as 9-1-1.

When you do have to borrow a cell phone however, and actually have to talk on it instead of send a text, the scenario goes like this:

You’re done with the phone call, and then casually glance at the screen. Oh there it is.. some sweaty, oily, almost-crusty stuff all over it. Was it you? Yes. Should you wipe it off?  Yes! You borrowed the thing, at least return it how you found it. We rarely notice this phenomena now, but we all glance at the phone when we’re handing it back to look at how dirty we got it. Perhaps its a little more noticeable now that phones have huge screens that are nice and glossy when the phone is off and clean. Subconsciously, we notice the nastyness before handing it back and wipe it off. Sometimes we are obvious about it, other times we are stealthy, and others we just don’t give a crap and let the owner deal with it.

I mean seriously, seriously think about it. You are constantly touching your cell phone, COME ON you check your email and send your friends a “What’s up?” while you’re sitting on the toilet! How many times do you actually clean it?

If your answer was, “Well, I clean my cell phone often,” you are lying. Let’s try again.

…

What? Really? Fine, whatever. I’ll start cleaning my cell phone too.

64. Finding out that you were on speakerphone

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You’ve spoken on the phone before. It is usually safe to assume that you and the person on the other line are having a private conversation, and that nobody is listening in on what you two are talking about, right?

And lets admit it, some of those conversations are really supposed to be kept private. You may talk about how ugly someone looked in their outfit that day, or about how much you wish that your roommate would wear pants every once in a while. You can say rude things about other people, you can spill secrets, and confess who you really like over the phone to your closest friend; something you would like no one else to know or else, as some people might put it, your “life would be over”.

I was hanging out with a good friend (Angie) a couple of years ago, when she got a phone call from her boyfriend.

 

Angie: Hello?
Tom: Hey Ang, how are you doing today? You forgot to call last night.
Angie: I’m alright, I’m actually hanging out with Ed right now.
Tom: You’ve been hanging out with that guy a lot recently, is anything going on? Hasn’t his girlfriend broken up with him yet?
Angie: Babe, you’re on speaker.
Tom: Oh.
Angie: . . .
Tom: Well, um. . .
Angie: Yeah. . .
Tom: Uh. . . hi Edwin! How’s it going man? Wait, can he hear me?
Me: Yeah, I can hear you.
Tom: Great. That’s uh, great dude. So yeah man. . uhh. . .ahem.

And I’ll let you imagine the rest of the awkward conversation.

Have you ever mentioned something that you didn’t want someone else to hear while your friend had you on speaker?

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