Awkward List

Awkward moments and more weird stuff

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26. Tripping and falling

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You would assume that after living for a while, a person might at least be skilled in something called walking. And its true, over the years we’ve gotten better and better at walking (with few exceptions). So it is natural to feel uncomfortable when someone falls in public.

This is one of those double-sided awkward moments, in which the person whom the situation directly involves feels it, and the spectator feels awkward as well.

The faller: First of all, that sucks. Second, what the heck are you supposed to do once everybody gets to see you fail at walking? Maybe something got in the way (a cat, banana peel, etc.) but that doesn’t matter anymore. You’re on the ground, and now its time to avoid the stares. Here’s what to do:

1) Avoid eye contact with those around you, they’re only looking at you to find out how you’re going to react, so choose your moves wisely.

2) If someone comes up to you and asks you if you’re O.K., remember that it is a natural reaction for people to ask that, and they’re not trying to embarrass you even more. People would probably watch someone get hit by a bus and still approach him with “Are you O.K.?”

3) Get back up and pretend it happens to you all the time. Or you could pretend that you decided to spontaneously drop for some random push-ups –you can say that its part of your workout program.

The spectator: C’mon.. laugh. You know you want to, jerk! I once started laughing uncontrollably as a girl fell and rolled down 4 steps at my university. I felt bad shortly after, but the fall was EPIC! She threw her book bag up, (wow.. I’m mean. I’m seriously laughing right now) and made a facial expression I had never seen and will probably never see again. Here’s what to do:

…

O.K. scratch that idea, you probably won’t do it. Let me just tell you what actually happens, I call it the Five Stages of Watching Someone Fall:

Surprise– It was definitely unexpected, and someone having a hard time with gravity surprises you. Your mind might hesitate on taking any specific action. Can be identified by a :O expression.

Acceptance- Yes, you realize that what you saw actually happened. And yes, you just witnessed it. This is the part where a dog would tilt his head to see things in a different perspective.

Conscience– This is the part where you become aware that you’re actually standing there, and people usually like to take this chance to look around. If present with a group of friends, eye-contact encounters will occur.

Confusion– Should you laugh? You might. Or you might try to help the person stand up. Maybe you should ignore it? What to do, what to do? After you’ve made your decision and carried through with it, you will reach the next and final level:

Analysis– This is where you think about your actions. Do you regret laughing? Was the fall preventable . . . did you cause it? These thoughts can lead you to guilt, deep philosophical thoughts, or more laughter.

Do you see why this is double sided? Awkward for the faller AND the spectator(s). A true awkward moment, I like these . . but I avoid them at all cost.

Image sources: top, bottom

23. When someone has a booger

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While in a comment conversation with Bee, an important question was brought up: will you say something about it, or pretend it is not there? When somebody has a little green thing sticking out of their nose, it is hard to look away. It’s almost like when someone has a pimple, you can’t avoid it. It’s there, creepily looking at you.

It’s embarrassing for the person who is looking at it. The booger person has no idea why you keep doing a weird shift of looking at her nose, then her eyes, then her nose, then her eyes.. while she’s trying to make eye contact with you. If you have ever been in one of these situations, you probably know how things usually go:

1) You try to look away every opportunity you get.

2) After attempting to not look at it, you find yourself doing so.

3) It becomes extremely difficult to focus on the conversation.

If you pretend it isn’t there, it will keep distracting you. If you decide to say something, you have to deal with the awkwardness that comes after.

What is the best thing to do in this situation?

Sources: Image, Idea

22. Public restrooms

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Some restrooms at smaller places, such as coffee shops, usually are Single Rider restrooms. This particular type of restroom only has a one person limit with one toilet, one sink, one of everything. They’re very comfortable, actually. Not having to deal with stalls, or making eye contact with other people and no need to follow urinal laws.

The experience, however, has a different side to it; a very uncomfortable one.

After having to hold it for a while, you finally find a restroom and head right in. You poop (while checking your email, new text messages, perhaps play a short Angry Birds session on your iPhone, you know, the usual), and feel very relaxed. Suddenly, you hear something unexpected.

A knock on the door startles you and then you begin to feel the pressure. That’s right, friend. That is one of the sacrifices we must make in order to enjoy the luxury of one of these restrooms. At this moment, you must say something, otherwise this gives the person waiting full right to attempt to open the door. A typical response is “BUSY!” That should keep them away; well maybe just a couple of meters from the door anyway.

It can be very uncomfortable to be rushed when you’re taking care of business to know that someone is waiting for you to finish. It might even cut off the drive you had built up. Once you finish though, follow post-restroom protocol please. Fortunately for you, there is a quick way to remember what to do before you leave the restroom. Just remember C.H.I.T.

C- Cover. The seat cover must’ve flushed. Oh and make sure its not stuck to your pants. It doesn’t only happen in movies, trust me.

H- Hair. Leaving hair on the toilet seat or anywhere in the sink is just not cool, please remove it.

I- Instruments. Make sure that all bathroom equipment is fully functional, and that your poop has left the toilet bowl.

T- Toilet paper. All soiled paper must be properly disposed of.

What this acronym will not save you from, though, is the awkwardness that comes after leaving the restroom and having an encounter with the person that was waiting. The last thing they saw before they stepped into restroom was your face, and their objective as soon as they step in is to assess the environment, primarily the odor.

You might encounter people that leave restrooms saying:

“Uh, yeah.. you don’t want to go in there.”

“I dropped a bomb, heads up.”

“..sorry..”  Or they might just smile at you.

I’m still not sure which one of those is most awkward, but they’re all pretty high up there. Don’t worry though, usually people that are willing to wait for you outside of the restroom probably have to use it badly, so they won’t mind the smell that much (unless its toxic), but they will mind anything on the CHIT list.

 Image sources: Top, bottom

20. Being asked “Did you just wake up?”

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It was a cold morning, you know, one of those mornings when your blanket reaches the perfect warmth just as your alarm clock decides to ring. It must have taken all of the effort in the world to get me up that day; I only had one lecture at 8:00am. After self-encouragement, turning on the television, putting on my iPod earphones to pump some jumpy music, I finally rolled out of bed. Brushed my teeth, got my cereal and coffee, showered, and then I began feeling mighty fine! I got ready for my class and went out there into the university.

I was early so while I was waiting outside of my building when a friend of mine decided to stop by and sit on the bench with me.

“Good morning, Edwin”, she said while giving me a look that made me feel self-conscious, “did you just wake up?”

No! I had woken up two hours prior! I’m feeling good! What have you done to me? 

I responded with a “no, did you?” and she got a bit angry and pulled out a little thing (ladies, help me out here..), a circular thing that opened like an oyster and had a mirror on it and started acting all funny, I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable. If I had known she was going to get all weird about it, I would’ve kept my mouth shut. Oops. I guess it was a little messed up.

I mean, she made her point clear. I could’ve just said many things and gotten the same response:

“NOW  I see why girls need makeup.. ”

“Bad hair day?”

“You look like crap today, but how do you feel, friend?”

I’ve been trying to think of how to properly respond to such a question, you know, something else to say besides “No, did you?”.

Any ideas?

19. When people around you start arguing

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Just a couple of seconds ago here at the coffee shop, a woman and a man started arguing and left the shop. Another woman from across my table and I looked at each other as the couple began to argue, and put us in a tough situation; we had to act like nothing was happening.

But something was happening! These people looked like trouble the second they walked in, so we saw it coming. What were we supposed to do? Walk out? Speak up? It has happened to me many times before, and I always have the same reaction no matter what: I freeze.

The Coffee Shop (cont.)- They looked like business people, a very tall (and intimidating) couple. The woman ordered her coffee, and had a little angry reaction with the barista; that’s when my freeze procedure started. I was reading along the pages of my book, when I noticed my eyes were fixed on one particular line of the book as my hearing senses took over my sight ones. The man behind her ordered and then it started. They were no longer distracted by a barista or by the menu. They were forced to wait for their drinks together and something was bound to happen. The woman turned around and said “You know what this is about! Why are you asking?”. The man responded and it was on! They casually looked at me a couple of times. Eventually they left. As soon as the door shut close, the shop people started talking to each other about it and laughing, and started asking us about it and apologized.

Friend’s House- While hanging out with one of my friends at his house, his dad asked him to take out the trash. The mom quickly snapped at the dad to tell him that he had a guest over (me) and that my friend could take out the trash later. The dad responded with a grunt and said something back. That’s all it took to start arguing. They hit very important topics such as:

  • Why taking out the trash is important
  • When a child must learn to be responsible
  • How embarrassing it is to argue in front of guests
  • That they were making me feel uncomfortable

Your Friends- When you’re in a group of friends and you must witness an argument between them, things get very uncomfortable. Sometimes its best to stay out of it, but since you’re friends, there is a certain type of obligation to mediate or at least do something to help them out. My solution is to listen to both sides of the story but not side with either of them, ever. Though I’m not typically involved with dramatic people, there have been cases where two or more begin attacking one. That’s uncool, man.

So next time you begin to argue with someone, whether it be over a woman or over who got the last slice of pizza, make sure to acknowledge that other people are listening and how they’re feeling. And be aware that they might post it on their blog.

18. Pimples

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After rolling out of bed in the morning, you head to the bathroom to brush your teeth. You look in the mirror and there it is . . a pimple.

These seem to always come when you least need them; right before you get your picture taken, when you’re meeting a potential client for lunch or heading to an interview.

“Alright,” you might say, “these things are perfectly natural and they happen to people all the time.”

And yes, they do. But what happens when you see somebody with a huge pimple on their nose? You look at it. Admit it, you can’t help it. It is just the way our minds work; we see something that stands out in a person’s face and we’re automatically drawn to it.

The issue here, however, is how awkward this situation really is when the pimple is observed by someone else. You noticed the other person’s pimple, and they noticed that you looked at it. Darn it! You made it too obvious. When a person is speaking to you, and especially if he or she is being extra self-conscious for the day, they tend to follow your eyes in conversations in order to make eye contact. If you get distracted by that big red dot on their face, they will notice. And now you know that they noticed that you noticed. Don’t worry, even if you didn’t look at it, they would assume that you’re actually avoiding it just to be nice. Children won’t avoid it though, they’ll tell you the truth; so if they’re present prepare for some fun.You just can’t win here.

Good news! This situation doesn’t go very far. You will probably not discuss the pimple anyway, but be prepared if you have to. I’ve encountered a scenario where a girl asked me: “Does it look that bad?”

“No, I can barely see it.”

I could “barely see it” but from far. The thing was huge. She knew it. I knew it. Awkward.

#16 Silence after group laughter

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I really like it when I’m with a group of random people and we get the chance to get a good laugh. I would like it even more if the laughter didn’t stop because of the silence involved afterwards.

It has definitely happened to you before. You’re at a a social gathering, perhaps at a quiet restaurant having dinner. Suddenly someone might tell you a good joke. Say.. a knock-knock joke.

Next thing you know, another person adds on to the jokes and laughter keeps increasing. Suddenly you have people looking at your table wishing they were having as much fun as you. But unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Someone might tell a joke that is just not funny, or perhaps nobody decides to follow up the hilarious knock-knock joke. Darn it. Why isn’t anybody saying anything? Oh no.

Now you all experience this: (insert text here)

That is right: silence.

This is the part where you awkwardly pick up your glass of water and take a sip. You look around, and take another sip. Maybe you’ll go to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror, or you might just wait for someone else to say something. Awkward.

#15 When food falls before reaching your mouth

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You finally get to scoop up a large piece of delicious chicken. It has been specially cooked for you, just how you like it. You can smell it, and steam is still making its way up toward the heavens as it begins to approach your mouth. When suddenly…

It drops.

It is common from people from different cultures explain this rare phenomenon. One of the ones that I have actually started to believe says that when your food falls off your spoon it means that somebody, somewhere in the world, is craving the food you are about to eat.

So THEY’RE the cause of this!?

Ugh.

All anger set aside, the result can be pretty uncomfortable. It might fall on your plate, and you might give it a second shot. At this point, however, please be aware that it might fall a second time and you  know that saying (slightly modified for specific purposes):

“If you drop once, shame on you (food), if you drop twice, shame on me.”

But what if it falls on the table? If anybody watched you fail at eating, they suddenly might become judges. Will you pick up with your hand and eat it? Will you try to get it from the table with your fork? Will you put it back on your plate? Leave it there? Offer it to someone else? No one will be happy with your final decision, or they might just be happy with any of them because they just don’t care. They have their food, you have yours. Right?

Though I don’t specialize in techniques for eating, I can tell you how to settle this situation when it happens (because after all, I do specialize in awkward):

1) Whatever you decide to do with the food that fell off, do it instantly and have no regrets.

2) If someone at your table laughs at your misfortune, laugh about it. If you’re too angry to laugh, make up a story of why your food fell and tell them as though you actually believe it. Blame others if you have to.

3) If you do drop it on the table, a quick swipe of your napkin settles it (unless you’re a firm believer in the 5-second rule, where you have five seconds to pick up your food and eat it . . . follow your beliefs, I don’t discriminate.)

Remember: the food is yours.

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#13 Sex scenes

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When you’re on a date. When you’re with your best friend. When you just ate. When you need to pee. When you’re with your sister. When your parents are in the room. When it is an actual sex scene (the ones where you see the guy’s butt).

Suppose you’re on a date, watching a movie that involves a love scene. The scene could catch you by surprise, or it could be somewhat anticipated; either way the result is always awkward. The most common response is to sit very still and forget that you had been eating popcorn. If the scene catches you while you’re taking a sip of your drink, the straw is likely to stay in your mouth because you will freeze. Any type of twitching, readjusting, or any eye contact is strongly discouraged during these scenes.

Its a bit easier to manage when you’re with your best friend, mostly because you both know each other well enough to avoid talking about it after the movie.

If you need to use the restroom, be careful. Dirty minds might assume that you aren’t going to do the regular restroom business. Enough said.

“Whoa, would you look at that..? Are they .. really doing it? Honey! Honey, come over quick!”

Parents are embarrassing sometimes.

I avoid those movies as much as possible because of these situations. I mean what if its one of those intense scenes where they last more than a minute, up to the point where you want to look around to see what everyone’s expression is, things get a bit uncomfortable. I’m sure movie makers are aware of this and adjust the movies accordingly, but then again I’ve heard a lot about people that watch a movie because they hear rumors of a sex scene between top celebrities, and they just have to see it for themselves.

Freakin’ sex scenes.